


Recording Our History On The Bedroom Wall

by PumpkinDoodles



Series: 'As is' Means With All Faults [2]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Agent Gelato, BAMF Darcy Lewis, Darcy Lewis's Taser, F/M, Post-HYDRA Reveal, Priscilla the Taser, Triple Agent Gelato
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-04
Updated: 2018-06-14
Packaged: 2019-05-18 02:11:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 35
Words: 38,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14843621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PumpkinDoodles/pseuds/PumpkinDoodles
Summary: Somewhere in Iowa--after the whole DC nightmare thing--Darcy Lewis is in hiding and grappling with the discovery that her new-and-now-ex-husband was a Hydra mole running STRIKE Team Alpha. She’s tentatively dating certified Good Bro™ Steve Rogers and thinking about finally getting that therapist. If any of those Hydra goons show, she’s going to be prepared. Agent Gelato did teach her well and she’s been working on her aim. Her people will be safe--if it’s the last thing she does. She won’t even need to disrupt Steve’s search for Bucky Barnes.Somewhere else, Brock Rumlow has embarked on his second act as the terrifying mercenary Crossbones. He’s not happy about his post-SHIELDRA plans going up in smoke, but he’s got his work, right? A talented man can still do a lot with four out of five senses.Sequel to 'As Is'





	1. Can't Let It Go...

Darcy Lewis--formerly Darcy Rumlow--current divorcée of a Hydra agent, badass Science! Lady for Jane Foster, and favorite babysitter of the Barton kids, including Clint, had decided that Iowa winters were the worst weather she’d ever seen.

Like, seriously, how did people live in this?

The snowdrifts were so deep that all you could see from the window of the Bartons’ kitchen was greyish white. Greyish white snow, greyish white sky. It was oddly ominous. It reminded Darcy of that slow, tense sequence in _The Birds_ when the crows started to mass on telephone poles.

“What you thinking ‘bout, Itty Bitty?” Clint asked, coming around the corner. Laura and the kids were sleeping in.

“Do you think Hydra is more or less likely to launch an attack in bad weather?” she said quietly. “Would someone know we’re sitting ducks or does even Hydra say ‘fuck it, it’s too cold outside’ on a day like today?” She couldn’t look at him, so she drank her coffee instead. If anyone came, Darcy felt, she would be the reason. So, if anybody died, it would be her fault, too. Clint came to stand next to her at the window.

“We’ve got plenty of supplies for a seige in the basement,” Clint said, in a voice too soft for the kids to overhear. “Food, first aid, water, weapons. I made sure the solar panels on the roof are hard to sabotage when we built the house, but even if they’re cut, we’ve still got the wood stove and a backup generator to keep warm. We can sit tight for a week at least. Plenty of time for the Cavalry”--that was their nickname for Tony, Rhodey, and Nat in New York--”to get here. After Rumlow sent you that email, Laura and I did a restock.”

“And Thor can come with Mew Mew,” Darcy said out loud, more for herself than Clint. Thor and Jane were set up in a secret Tony-funded lab in an Iowa city, so Jane could work and still see Darcy frequently, without alerting Hydra to Darcy’s whereabouts. Thor was a bit too larger-than-life for a farm in Allamakee county.

“We’ll be fine, Itty-Bitty,” Clint said. “We’ve got this. You can Priscilla ‘em.” Priscilla was the name of Darcy’s Taser stick. It had been Brock’s wedding present to her.

“Why didn’t you tell me you’d done all that?” Darcy asked.

“As long as we had the stuff ready, I didn’t see any reason to give you nightmares about us needing it,” Clint said, sitting down.

“Sorry,” Darcy said, wincing. “I didn’t realize you’d heard.” The ominous weather was making her occasional nightmares worse. In the beginning, they’d involved Jane being trapped and tortured by Brock, strapped to the same machines as Bucky. More recently, they’d been about finding everyone dead on the farm and a bunch of vague shadows sliding across the snow .

“Don’t apologize, I know the feeling,” Clint said. “Would it help if you deleted this? Shut down the whole email account?” he asked, gesturing at her laptop.

Brock’s secret drafts box message to her when he broke out of that hospital ( _Sweetheart, I’ll never bother you again but you know how to find me if you ever need help. I’ll be there. Just ask_...and an audio file of “Always on My Mind”) was on the screen. Darcy had a habit of listening to it when she was alone, trying to decode all the layers of meaning. There were always layers of meaning with Brock. He’d been a freaking Russian nesting doll of double-meanings and verbal sleight of hand. Was the “I’ll be there” his way of suggesting he’d be the one giving her a reason to need help? She’d even discovered that “bother” had originally meant noise and chatter. Chatter, of course, had a whole different meaning to spies and people in the military. Brock had been in the Navy before he’d been SHIELDRA. You talked about chatter when you wanted to find somebody.

Darcy huffed out a sigh. “I feel like I would really regret it if I deleted MrsGelato@stark and then it turned out he wanted to play with his food before he ate it and we missed the warning,” she said. “It’s a catch-22.”

Clint shook his head sadly. The dude with a whole secret life understood catch-22 all too well. “Anything new from Steve?” he asked.

“Not since that message he sent a week or so ago, so I assume he and Sam are still tracking Bucky in the former Soviet republics. They were in Latvia. Apparently, Bucky was involved in something nasty called Operation Priboi there at the end of the war? Steve thought Bucky might hide out in places that were familiar to him?” Darcy said.

“We could call Steve back til the weather breaks,” Clint said, looking out the window again. “He might could keep your nightmares away.” He winked at her. “It’d be about damn time.”

“Shut up, Agent Buff Arms,” Darcy said, laughing. “Captain America is an old-fashioned gentleman and I’m a delicate freaking flower, okay?”

He laughed. Clint and Laura loved to rag Steve and Darcy about the fact that they were taking things slow on the physical front and hadn’t progressed past some intense making out at the drive-in and several pretty corners of the farm.

Darcy wasn’t sure which of them was more messed up by recent events, honestly. She and Steve had spent some time talking about the photos of the bank vault where they’d kept Bucky when Nat passed them on. Brock and his STRIKE crew had apparently been regular visitors. That had been what started the first nightmares about Jane.

“But when Steve gets Bucky back, I’m going to give that man a pop quiz about hiding hisself, because he has skills I want,” Darcy said.

“Hisself?” Clint asked, arching an eyebrow.

“I’m blending in, Clinton. I gotta use the right vernacular. Can we go out and play with my Chitauri guns today? I want to see how they react in the snow, just in case,” she asked. “What if the cold makes them fail or something?”

Clint sighed. “All right. You like guns a little too much, Itty Bitty,” he said. “Frostbite’s fatal, too.”

“I wonder if Tony could make a cold gun?” Darcy mused out loud. Clint rolled his eyes.

“I’m going to go wake Laura,” Clint said, standing up and walking towards the stairs. He stopped at the edge of the kitchen and turned back, his expression serious. “Darce, do you want to pop quiz Bucky Barnes because you worry you’ll be hiding for the rest of your life?”

In answer, Darcy hit a button on her laptop and raised an eyebrow. The strains of Elvis singing “Always on My Mind” filled the kitchen. “Does that sound over it to you?” she asked quietly. “Like I’m not in danger?” It was a serious question. Her primary one. She went back and forth, depending on the day.

Clint cocked his head to one side and listened. “Can’t say that it does,” he said finally.

“Is there really a SHIELD therapist?” Darcy asked, a thought suddenly occurring to her. Brock had mentioned one once, in a half-joking way. Their second date.

“Yeah, why?” Clint asked.

“Do you think I could talk to them securely somehow? Talk to someone who understands the whole SHIELDRA thing, so I could be honest?” Darcy asked.

“I’ll ask Tony if he can work out a deal with Hill,” Clint said.

After he’d gone, Darcy looked out the window for a long time.

Then she sent a news story to Steve’s secure email inbox. The last time Iowa had this much snow, it had been 1936. She wanted to know if a kid in Brooklyn had heard about the Iowa winter where the snow was so high you could reach out and touch the telephone lines.


	2. See, The Luck I've Had Can Make A Good Man Turn Bad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snow falling on Steve Rogers' hair.

**Agent Buff Arms:** Darce wants a SHIELDRA-savvy therapist. Thought you could ask Hill for a rec and then work out the tech side. You got a secure Skype?

 **Master of the Universe:** I can’t believe you’re insulting me like this.

 **The World’s Most Amazing CEO:** He tries to pretend it never freezes, but I have the screenshots of his nose hairs.

 **Red-Headed Woman:** I would like to see these screenshots.

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **Ditto!

 **The World’s Most Amazing CEO:** [photo], [photo], [photo]

 **Master of the Universe:** I sign all your paychecks.

 **Red-Headed Woman:** That is inaccurate.

 **The World’s Most Amazing CEO:** Technically, I do.

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **[Beyonce gif]

 **Agent Buff Arms:** Darce taught Cooper and Lila the run the world dance [video]

 **The World’s Most Amazing CEO:** Awwwwwwww

 **Master of the Universe:** I miss everybody being here

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **When can we come back?

 **Master of the Universe:** I’m not sure. Fucking Darth Rambo and his Hydra buddies really messed up my plans for Christmas with everyone at the new facility. I’m very upset.

 **The World’s Most Amazing CEO:** I’m proud you can express your emotions so openly, Tony.

 **Agent Buff Arms:** [hells yeah meme] You makin’ progress, brother.

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **Darce was so happy when she found out you were journaling, Tony. She smiled for a week.

 **Master of the Universe:** She also ratted you out about the dog, Clint.

 **Agent Buff Arms:** Awww, Itty Bitty, no.

 

***

 

 **HR Coordinator M. Hill:** Darcy Lewis is requesting a therapist with knowledge of/competency in Hydra-related issues. Stark is going to facilitate a secure connection for her sessions.

 **Captain America Collector 1964:** Relevance to my work?

 **HR Coordinator M. Hill:** It occurred to me that you might be aware of which Midwestern state Vanaheim is in and would be willing to deliver a paper file that could give her some peace of mind.

 **Captain America Collector 1964:** I might be.

 **Captain America Collector 1964:** I’d need to check the weather report. Hard to get Lola to Vanaheim in certain months.

 **HR Coordinator Hill:** Take the Bus.

 **HR Coordinator Hill:** She is currently dating Rogers. He may be wherever she is.

 **Captain America Collector 1964:** I see what you’re doing.

 **Captain America Collector 1964:** I don’t mind it, but I see it.

 **Captain America Collector 1964:** When will Rogers be there?

 

***

On a street in Riga, Latvia, snow was falling on Steve Rogers’ hair. He rubbed his gloved hands together and huffed out air. He ran warm enough from the serum that he’d been seeing his own breath for weeks now. But Riga was freezing tonight and Bucky had not returned to the safe house that Steve and Sam had been watching.

“Maybe he’s spotted us and left?” Sam asked.

“It’s possible,” Steve said, his voice guarded. He was eager to find his friend. Every time Bucky ran, it broke Steve’s heart a little more. His inner mantra--Darcy had taught him the word and her own _I’m the girl who tased Thor, I can do this_ \--was a constant _please please please._ Steve wanted his luck to turn. He struggled with the gut feeling that the serum had done something fundamentally cruel to his life; he’d become the hero he’d always dreamed of being as a poor, sickly kid in Brooklyn, but he was never able to save those he loved the most.

 

They left him in ways that were terrifyingly random and horrible: Bucky falling and falling, just beyond his grasp, waking up expecting to go on a date with Peggy, only to find that decades had passed and she had dementia, seeing The Winter Soldier’s mask tumble onto pavement and realizing it was Bucky underneath, only Bucky no longer knew Steve or even himself. Rationally, Steve knew that Peggy had lived a full, wonderful life--he’d just missed it--and that Hydra had done this to Bucky regardless of Steve, but he’d started to feel like proximity to him was a curse. For a long time, he’d feared whatever it was would get Darcy, too.

That because he had feelings for her, something awful and unexpected and just _strange_ would happen. He’d imagined all kinds of terrible things: a hit going wrong in training and her lifeless eyes on the mat; one of Jane’s machines yanking her to some other realm, never to return; Brock Rumlow accidentally shooting her with an unstable Chitauri gun, the blood everywhere  When he’d finally confessed his fears to her, under one of Clint’s oak trees, she’d smiled at him tenderly and told him she wasn’t going anywhere and he wasn’t in a weird Greek tragedy. He was going to save Bucky. His luck was going to turn. It would be okay.

 

Later, she told him not to let Tony cajole him into watching those _Final Destination_ movies anymore, because it was giving him a complex about the Bartons' toaster. Pop Up Teddy didn't deserve that.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title/mood inspiration: The Smiths' "Please Please Please, Let Me Get What I Want" for Steve. Ooof, my heart, the feels with that song.
> 
> Thanks for the sweet comments and kudos already!


	3. My Kingdom For A Kiss Upon Her Shoulder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> par·es·the·si·a
> 
> noun
> 
> an abnormal sensation, typically tingling or pricking (“pins and needles”), caused chiefly by pressure on or damage to peripheral nerves.
> 
> *I own nothing.

Brock was assembling his team slowly. He’d called a few friends from his old SEAL team and Hill had sent him the names of two or three ex-SHIELD tech support people he could trust. His entire STRIKE team had been dirty. He didn’t think any of them had survived. They hadn’t been serum’d. He’d volunteered for the serum experiments in part to win Pierce’s loyalty--over Fury’s objections--and in part because he was a guy in his forties now. He’d thought it was worth the risk if the serum helped him keep up with the ninety year-old super soldiers and the STRIKE kids in their twenties. 

 

Smith was the first person to show. He found Brock at a bar near his apartment, staring at a half-full beer glass. They talked of nothing for a while.   
  


“You stay in touch with the old team? Or anybody from the academy?” Smith asked.

“I see Monroe now and again. Try to keep him out of trouble,” Brock said.

“I heard your wife tased him, but left a nice apology.”

“Ex-wife.” 

“You gonna be all right?” he asked finally.

“I’m well enough to work,” Brock said. “We can workshop the specs in the morning.”

“Not what I meant, pal.” He put his beer down and left. “See you in the am.”

 

***  
  


Brock went back to the apartment and slumped into a chair.

 

He’d healed a great deal since Triskelion. When he’d first woken up in shackles, he’d had almost no feeling at all. The burns had damaged the peripheral nerves in the majority of his body. Hill thought it was effective propaganda to spread word that Crossbones felt no pain. That made Brock chuckle. Did people not know how fucking nerves worked? If you lost the ability to feel pain, it was because you lost nerve function. If you didn’t have working nerves, you couldn’t feel anything, good or bad. Nerves don’t distinguish. He’d realized he wouldn’t be able to feel kissing Darcy or picking up a fork. He couldn’t defend himself in a fight, either. It was one of the reasons that Hill thought they should maintain his Hydra cover. So one of his old acquaintances wouldn’t come murder him in the hospital. But the serum gave and the serum hath taketh away. His nerves had steadily begun to heal. 

 

Numbness had been replaced by the sharp shooting pains of his nerves healing, a sensation like an electrical current. He’d lain low after his escape in part because those returning sensations were random and painful. He’d been afraid he would accidentally shoot one of his own team if he jerked a trigger by mistake. Or someone else.   
  
The lingering paresthesia---a pins and needles feeling, the doctors said, from nerve damage--sometimes drove him crazy.  He never knew what might trigger it; the light brush of a sheet over his legs or pulling a t-shirt on could feel like being stabbed by a dozen tiny knives. If he was doing something that involved heavier weight or pressure, then the pain was more intense. He’d adjusted to the loss of sensation and the remaining numbness in the tips of his fingers and the soles of his feet. At least he could pick things up and wasn’t tripping over his own damn toes anymore. He’d only lost a few seconds on his gun loading time and his aim was as good as ever now. He’d run the times, because he wasn’t an idiot. But the permanent paresthesia was a real mindfuck. 

 

God, he was tired. So tired. Thinking about the serum treatments made him think about Darcy. He’d been holed up after serum booster shots when they’d had that long phone conversation about how she felt like a failure as “just Foster’s assistant.” He really had been staring at a water stain on the ceiling. He looked at the blinking cursor on his laptop screen. He’d promised he wouldn’t try again. He’d given his word. But it would be so easy to send a message out into the void. It was something and nothing all at once. He typed a single sentence and attached an audio file. He'd been listening to a lot of Jeff Buckley.

 

_ I miss you everyday. (508) 421-1178 _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title/mood: Jeff Buckley's "Lover, You Should've Come Over."
> 
> I gave Brock paresthesia because I had it in one of my feet as a temporary side-effect of a medical procedure once and it was *freaky* not to be able to feel my toes. I've just imagined his as much more extensive, full-body, etc.
> 
> Thanks for all the support! Y'all are great.


	4. Brought You In This World, Can Take You From It Just The Same

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It can be awkward when a divorced couple see each other again for the first time...
> 
> *I own nothing

When Darcy opened the file and heard Jeff Buckley’s voice, she started to cry. With shaking hands, she picked up the burner phone she used to call Jane sometimes. Jane and Thor arrived within the hour.  
  
They gathered around the laptop and stared at the email.

“He gave you a phone number?” Jane asked, confused. “Like he thinks you’ll call him?”

“Looks like it, doesn’t it?” Clint asked, his hands in his pockets. He was a little fidgety.

Thor had a pensive expression.

“I still say he’s a creepy fucker,” Laura said. Clint nodded seriously. He was a man who trusted his wife’s judgment above all.

Darcy didn’t know if there was a therapist alive who would understand that she might hate her Nazi ex-husband, but she really loved that Jeff Buckley song, goddammit. How was she supposed to explain that?

“I think I need to get some air,” she said, heading for the back porch.

“Please be careful,” Jane said. “What if he’s out there?”

“Then I’ll shoot him with one of the guns he gave me,” Darcy said, standing in the doorway. She had starting carrying it under her clothes after the first email. “Problem solved.”

 

The problem, as it turned out, wasn’t so easily solved. A few days later, Darcy was still thinking about Jeff Buckley as her feet crunched across the snow. She missed the shadow behind her. At the window, Lila Barton screamed.

 

***

 

Phil Coulson finally arrived on The Bus. “Yes, I know reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated,” he quipped, “where’s Darcy?”  
  
“Wouldn’t we like to fucking know,” Clint said viciously. “Kids say a guy with burns took her an hour ago. They saw it from the window. The guy knocked her out, tossed her gun, and duct-taped her into a rug in his car trunk. Thor’s asking Heimdall to help. We think it’s Rumlow.”

Phil got out the paper file. “This him?” he asked Cooper and Lila.

“No,” Lila said. “I think it was that guy,” she said, pointing to the figure next to Rumlow.

 

***

Six hours or so later, Jack Rollins pulled Darcy out of the trunk and carried her into a house. He dumped her on the floor. She looked at the man in front of her and couldn’t speak for a second. Brock Rumlow looked at her with an ominously neutral expression, tilting his head slightly to one side. The man on the other side of the room looked bored.

“I didn’t know you made it out of DC, Jack,” Brock said cordially.

“I got to have a little fun with the damn serum, too,” Jack said.

“Handy if a building falls on you,” Brock said. The overheard light seemed to make his scars stand out and Darcy had to suppress a shudder. She would not give these fucking Nazis the satisfaction.

Brock tapped her bundled form with his foot. “A present for me?” he asked.

“She’s dating Captain America now,” Jack said. “Thought I’d bring you a gift and offer to join up.”

“Fuck you, Hydra assholes,” Darcy said. Brock smiled when she spat at him.

“Welcome to the team, Jack,” Brock said, clapping him on the shoulder. “Where’d you find her?” When Jack gave him Clint’s address and bragged that no one else had ever found it, Darcy tried to kick at him through the roll of carpet.

Brock laughed.

“Anybody else know? I bet Barton has some supplies we could use,” Brock said conversationally. Jack shook his head.

“Only me and Barton’s kids,” he said.

When he mentioned Lila and Cooper, Darcy’s whole body went cold.

“You fuckers, I hope you end up in a prison so bad that it makes Bucky’s vault look like the Ritz,” she hissed.

“It’s a lovely gift, but a little too noisy to keep. I think we need something to put it in. Will you help out my old friend Smith? I’m afraid we don’t have a box, but Smith can figure it out,” Brock said. “Maybe I’ll take a photo or two for Cap now. I’m sure he likes presents, too.”

 

The other two men left the room.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title/mood inspiration: The Secret Sisters' Mississippi. So good! So creepy!
> 
> Thanks for all your lovely comments and support!


	5. Do My Best, Pretendin' I Don't Love You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil Coulson is a good bro
> 
> *I own nothing

“So, what did he hit you with at Barton’s?” Brock asked Darcy.  She refused to answer him.

After a long silence, he scooped her up and carried her out to where Jack and Smith had dug the hole. He gave it a long, appraising look.

“Seems like the right size to me,” he said.

A little of Jack Rollins' blood landed on the rug covering Darcy when Smith shot him in the head and pushed him into the open grave.

“Thanks,” Brock said.

“You had your hands full,” Smith said casually.

“Wanna tell me where to take you, sweetheart?” he asked, as he carried her to his Jeep in the bloody rug. When they passed Jack’s car, he stopped. “You were back there?” he said quizzically. The backseat was full of gun crates. More presents, she thought.

“No, he put me in the trunk, you Nazi dipshit,” she said.

“Shoot him again,” Brock called to Smith.

“He’s already dead, you’re just being petty now,” Smith said, shoveling.

 

Brock put her in the backseat and got behind the wheel. They’d been driving for ten minutes or so before he spoke again.

 

“I can’t believe Rollins brought you to me rolled up in a damn rug as a present. Like Cleopatra and Caesar,” he said, shaking his head and laughing. “I am so fucked by fate.”

“Are you going to kill me now?” she asked from the back. “Or just do the whole Talking Killer bit at me?”

“If you think I actually want you dead, you really are the Queen of Denial,” he said.

“Fuck you, scarface,” she said.

“I’ve been wanting to ask you, what’s your opinion of the relative merits of Jeff Buckley’s cover of “I Shall Be Released” versus Elvis’s cover?” he asked conversationally.

“You’re an asshole,” she said.

He laughed. “Sure. Doesn’t invalidate my question, sweetheart.”

“Buckley’s is beautiful, but I wonder if Elvis’s would have been better if he’d given it serious effort. I think he was goofing around between songs then. His is a fragment,” she finally admitted, after twenty minutes of silent driving and no imminent death.

“Maybe he was preoccupied. I’ve been told he was going through a difficult divorce. You hungry?” Brock said cordially.

“I’m wrapped up in a bloody rug, you psycho,” she said. “But yeah, I could eat.”

 

***

 

Before he cut her out of the rug, he got Phil on speakerphone to reassure her that he wasn’t going to murder her.

“I don’t want her to try to stab me, Phil,” he said, chuckling.

“Agent iPod Thief is alive?” Darcy said out loud simultaneously.

“You’re going to be fine, Darcy. I’m with Clint now,” Phil said. “They know you’re okay. Where’s Rollins?”

“He won’t be a problem,” Brock said. “I took care of it.”

Phil sighed. “Please don’t make me have to break you out of SuperMax next.”

“Phil’s running SHIELD off the Bus now,” Brock told her when they ended the call.

“You’re with SHIELD?” she asked, shocked.

“Sweetheart, I was always with SHIELD,” he said.

“I do have a knife in my boot,” Darcy admitted. “I was going to stab you with it.”

“I had a feeling,” he said, chuckling. She watched him carefully cut her out of the rug without touching her skin at all. That was when she saw the burned and melted wedding band on the chain around his neck.  What the fuck was happening? 

 

He got her curly fries and a milkshake and dropped her off at a rural rendezvous point without saying much else. “Who should I be listening to that I don’t know about, sweetheart?” he called out the Jeep window as he pulled away.

“Chris Isaak,” she said, torn between total mystification and sadness. “I Believe” had immediately popped into her mind for some reason.  
  
The Bus arrived ten minutes later. Phil Coulson looked at her when the door swung open and sighed.

 

***

 

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Phil gave me your file.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** I’m sorry. I should have trusted you more. I should have known.

 **Agent Gelato:** Phil’s a good man.

 **Agent Gelato:** I don’t know about that. Did sorta trick you into marrying me. I had an idea of what you’d like to hear. Everything went sideways with Triskelion. Wasn’t my plan.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Will you meet me?

 **Agent Gelato:** No.

 **Agent Gelato:** You don’t even really know me. The work I’m doing now is messy.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** What if I want to know you?

 **Agent Gelato:** I’m not the same. You saw.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** I don’t care how you look, I care how you feel.

 **Agent Gelato:** Funny you should say that.

 **Agent Gelato:** I don’t feel. Not much.

 **Agent Gelato:** It’s difficult.

 **Agent Gelato:** I’m not ready to touch you and not feel you. Or touch you and hurt.

 **Agent Gelato** : It would break me.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Tell me when you’re ready. I’ll be there.  

 

**[5 minutes later]**

**Agent Gelato:** Forget this number, sweetheart. Just be happy with him. For me.

 

He’d attached a Chris Isaak song. "Sweet Leilani." She'd always liked that one, too. 

 

***

 **Agent Gelato:** I didn’t realize you liked me that much.

 **Captain America Collector 1964:** Pardon me?

 **Agent Gelato:** Trying to break up Cap’s romance with my wife by giving her my file? They’ll take your cards back, Phil.

 **Captain America Collector 1964:** I have an address, when you’re ready.

 **Agent Gelato:** I need to finish this project. Strucker has something valuable.

 **Captain America Collector 1964:** We can send someone else.

 **Agent Gelato:** He’s experimenting on kids, too.

 **Agent Gelato:** I’ve wanted to take him out for years. Strucker was at the top of my to-do list before Fury assigned me Pierce and I saw Barnes.

 **Captain America Collector 1964:** Sure. But I also remember how you looked when you found out I’d met Darcy Lewis in person.

 **Captain America Collector 1964:** I knew all about the voicemail thing, too.

 **Agent Gelato:** Shut up, Phil.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch. title/mood inspiration: Chris Isaak's "Back On Your Side"
> 
> Thanks for all the lovely comments and kudos!


	6. All of the Time We're Together....

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The answer's always no to a question you don't ask.

“I’m glad I came back when I heard,” Steve said into Darcy’s ear, wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her closer in the bed. Her skin was impossibly soft and cool under his hands and the sunlight from the window reflected patterns in her hair that he wanted to sketch.

“Mmm-hmm. Me, too,” she said. “You’re so _warm_ , Steve. Have I told you that?”

“Many, many times, Darce,” he said, chuckling. “You compared me to a space heater once.”

“People don’t realize that Steve Rogers could be used as a survival device in an Iowa winter,” she said, sounding both serious and sleepy. “Do you also double as air bag in the event of a crash?” He laughed.

“Go back to sleep, baby. I think you might be delirious,” he said, burying his face in her hair. Her shampoo smelled like coconuts.

“Excuse me, I’m like this all the time,” she said. “It’s part of my charm.” Then she muttered the words “sex delirious” half to herself.

“Me, too. I love you,” he whispered back.

  
***

 

Jane and Darcy had Brock’s file spread out on the kitchen table. Outside, snow had started to fall softly again.

  
“I never knew him at all,” Darcy said. “And I should have visited him in the hospital. I blame myself for that.”

“I don’t think you should, Darce,” Jane said. “We all thought he was a Hydra psycho. I wish Fury or Hill had told Nat, but I don’t see how this is your fault. You did exactly the right thing for what you knew at the time.” She squeezed Darcy’s shoulder.

“You’re just going to continue being too sensible and supportive to let me wallow in this, aren’t you?” Darcy asked.

“Absolutely. I’m very glad he saved you from Rollins, but it freaks me out that you were there when they shot him,” Jane said. “Like, why did you need to be in splatter proximity to the murdery-ness?”

“No shit,” Darcy said, thinking about that rug.

“Maybe this is what Thor meant when he said Brock cared about you, but he’s dark?” Jane said gently.

“It would make sense,” she admitted. “He doesn’t want to see me now, but it’s about his injuries. His file says he’s got severe paresthesia?” She pushed something across the table and Jane scanned the document.

Jane was frowning. “It’s permanent?” she asked.

“Sounds like it. You think Tony’s new friend Mr. Wizard might be able to help? Didn’t he repair the damage to his hands with Tibetan jujubees or whatever?” Darcy asked. “Now that I’m not worried about Brock, I think I feel safer going back to New York and I’d really like to help him, if I can. Are you in?”

  
“Oh God, yes, I want you back in the lab,” Jane said. “But I met Mr. Wizard once at a STEM gala. He’s a total asshat. He’d be really mad you didn’t call him _Doctor_ Wizard.”

“Ughhh, one of those STEM dudes?” Darcy asked.

“The worst kind. A surgeon. The most asshatty of all the asshats,” Jane said, nodding definitively.

“I’m still going to try,” Darcy said. “The answer’s always no to a question you never ask.”

“Did you read that on a poster?” Jane asked, giggling.

“I think it’s a zen thing and Dr. Wizard’s into that, so I’m just going to apply myself to talking like I read Rumi everyday,” Darcy said. “Let’s start packing, Science! Queen.”

“Yippee, I get my baby back,” Jane said, clapping, “I’ll tell Thor.”

 

Before Darcy left to get boxes, Jane asked, “Will Brock be mad you’re doing this?”

“Maybe,” Darcy said, “but when has that ever stopped me? Let’s see how he likes me being all big and messy and loud when it’s aimed in his direction?”

Jane snorted. “Where's Steve?” she asked. “What’s he think?”

 

 

***

 

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** I have much news, my liege! Send a jet. The Science! Ladies wanna come back to the magic castle. It turns out my ex was a double agent.

 **Master of the Universe:** Oh thank God, I missed you. It’s just been me, Bruce, and the new kids. We can do Christmas and stuff. Clint told me about Rambo. He was an Anakin and not a Vader this whole time?

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** He does sort of look like Vader now, but it’s weirdly hot. I’m still processing whether or not it’s sweet or fucked up that ‘shoot someone because they kidnapped Darcy’ is his thing now. He wanted to shoot Rollins again when he found out I’d been in the trunk.

 **Master of the Universe:** Definite Vader. Has anyone ever told Jane she looks like Mrs. Vader?    
  
**World’s Okayest Assistant:** I tell her ALL the time and she scoffs. Says she would never wear those clothes or fall for a guy she met as a toddler. She doesn’t see it. What new kids?

 **Master of the Universe:** I have a Tiny Tim, Mr. Wizard, and I kinda adopted Spiderman. He calls me “Mr. Stark.”  It’s adorable. Look at this face. [photo]  
  
**Master of the Universe:** Also, Tiny Tim’s buddies--you’ll love them.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** THAT FACE. I WANT TO HUG IT AND SQUEEZE IT.

 

***

Steve woke up from the dream in a cold Estonian room. He could hear Sam snoring through the thin wall. There was a long email from Darcy waiting on his Stark phone with the subject line _Plot Twist! Steve._

His jaw dropped when he learned Brock Rumlow was a SHIELD double agent. He read all the entries about Bucky and realized he’d been carrying around some of Rumlow’s notes for several weeks now.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch. title/mood inspiration: Roy Orbison's "In Dreams"
> 
> Thanks for all your lovely comments and feedback!


	7. Been Causing Trouble Ever Since The World Began

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I just want all these people in a room together. With twinkle lights.

Darcy, Jane, and Thor were hugging all the Bartons goodbye as the quinjet landed in the snowy field.

“Your ride is here!” Lila said.

“It’s cool,” Cooper said. They’d never seen a quinjet before. Clint had kept the farm so quiet, he’d never been able to take one back and forth. Tony had been so excited about their return that Clint had smilingly relented and given him the address. Nat was the pilot. When the ramp lowered, her red hair was bright against the white sky.

“Auntie Nat!” Lila called.

“Can they take a tour?” Darcy mouthed at Laura.

“Sure,” Laura said.

The kids traipsed through, poking around and questioning Nat.

“I really appreciate this,” Darcy told Laura and Clint quietly. She hugged both of them again and watched as Thor chased the kids down the quinjet ramp. When Clint and Laura had gone down as well, Nat came to stand beside her.

“How are you, milaya?” she asked softly.

“Still processing,” Darcy admitted honestly. “It’s been a weird few months. How’s everyone at the facility?”  
  
“It is very...interesting,” Nat said. “I think you will like the Ant-Man and his Wombats, provided I do not have to silence Luis for my own sanity.”

“I’ve seen photos of the adorable Spiderboy,” Darcy said. “Tony is refusing to let me keep him.”

 

***

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Do you have plans for the holidays?

 **Agent Gelato:** I thought I told you to lose this number.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** You also told me to eat more protein. [photo]

 **Agent Gelato:** A cinnamon bun has no nutritional value whatsoever.

 **Agent Gelato:** I had no idea one could be as big as someone’s head.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** I know! Isn’t it great?

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** I got a card from Teri this week; that’s why I asked about your plans.

 **Agent Gelato:** You stay in touch with my sister?  
  
**World’s Okayest Assistant:** Also, Monroe sent me a video message from Key West this morning. He put lights on his boat. The moving penguins were my idea.  [video]

 **Agent Gelato:** Technically, that’s my damn boat.

 **Agent Gelato:** He bought it with the go-bag money.

 **Agent Gelato:** Have you somehow stolen my boat, my buddy, _and_ my sister?

 **Agent Gelato:** They don’t send me cards.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Tony and I want you to come for Christmas and stay at the facility. Tony’s going all out.

 **Agent Gelato:** You want me to what?

 **Agent Gelato:** You are aware that my cover is as a violent, deranged, and very scarred merc, right? It’s not inconspicuous.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Please, you’re not even the only guy matching that description who hangs around. I’ve met Deadpool.

 **Agent Gelato:** Tell Wade I said hello.

 **Agent Gelato:** But for God’s sake, don’t tell him where I am. He’ll want to join the team. He talks more about The Cure and _General Hospital_ than you do.

 **Agent Gelato:** He’s not coming for Christmas, is he?

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Sadly, no. He makes Tony a little twitchy. But we had brunch with Luis the other day. Waffles! Mine were orange and cranberry. [photo]

 **Agent Gelato:** You’re just taunting me with your nutrition-free diet at this point. I hope you at least used good orange peel?

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** No, I have discovered the most amazing orange oil. Boyajian. It’s *fantastic.* I will get you some. I use it in brownies now. Tony made me give him the recipe and now it’s in all Stark facility cafeterias nationwide as a “Darcy’s Delicious Brownie. The DD Brownie.”

 **Agent Gelato:** He named a brownie after your boobs?

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** I honestly think it’s just a coincidence and he hasn’t realized it yet.

 **Agent Gelato:** How does Cap feel about having your ex-husband for the holidays?

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Steve wants to see you in-person to thank you. He was very moved when he saw all your notes about Bucky and that you had pushed Fury for an extraction plan. Bucky is his oldest friend; they were like me and Jane.

 **Agent Gelato:** Yeah. It was just too much to risk until we could make sure he wouldn’t kill all the agents trying to extract him. The notes help?

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Yes. Steve says he owes you a life debt now. I should warn you, I think he might be making you a painting of Sicily as a gift. Sam has hinted that he went to Palermo to take photos of whatever Steve is working on now.

 **Agent Gelato:** I’m going to spend the holidays with my ex-wife and her new boyfriend is painting me things?

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Yay! You’re coming then? Also, Steve is a really big hugger on all Bucky-related issues, so if that’s uncomfortable, I’ll tell him not to squeeze on you.

 **Agent Gelato:** Is this real life? What next, is Tony Stark going to knit me an afghan?

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** He made me a robot that knits me hats and scarves, actually.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Do you want an afghan robot? I’ll get you one.

 **Agent Gelato:** Stop offering to get me things. You can’t win my love with money. I never was that kind.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Ughhh, I _love_ “Silver Threads & Golden Needles.” Have you heard the Wanda Jackson cover? Swoon. [audio file]

 **Agent Gelato:** I actually saw her in Detroit a few weeks ago.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Did she talk about Elvis?!

 **Agent Gelato:** Sweetheart, she did “I Wore Elvis Presley’s Ring” and everything. Five minutes of Elvis stories.

 **Agent Gelato:** I may or may not have had her autograph something for you.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** SHUT UP, you did not.

 **Agent Gelato:** Guess you’ll find out.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch. title/mood inspiration: Wanda Jackson's "Hard-Headed Woman"


	8. Won't Seem Like Christmas Until My Baby's Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holiday Prep with the Wombats

Since Tony refused to give Darcy the Adorable Spider Boy, she had adopted Scott Lang and the Wombats and added them to her Science! people. Scott was definitely a scientist, anyway. He and Jane had bonded over their shared ability to combine kitchen appliance parts and genius and now he hung around the Science! Ladies lab working on the mechanical side of Jane’s experiments whenever he was at the facility. He liked to tinker. Darcy thought he was totally charming, even when his ants stole her secret stash of Reese’s Cups. He’d apologized profusely and then given a stern lecture to the ants. Darcy thought his favorite, Ant-tonia, might be the ringleader in the Affair of the Reese’s, but she didn’t have the heart to tell him.

Scott was feeling down today because he couldn’t spend Christmas with Cassie, so Darcy was helping him brainstorm ideas for a Christmas in January celebration with her. They’d found a year-round Christmas village in Palo Alto, a California farm where you could pet reindeer, and were currently working on a plan for the world’s ugliest robot. Luis and Dave were drinking cocoa on the couch in the adjacent kitchenette (Darcy had insisted she have a place for the push-pops) and playing on the Stark game console that she’d helped them liberate from Tony’s Avengers-focused R&D department. The R&D staff had already left for the holidays. Kurt, who had bonded with Darcy because he’d grown up loving Elvis in a little town in Russia, was working on a program to make the Christmas lights blink in time with her music.

“What if we put, like, a really weird mustache on the toaster side and then used this for the hair? I want to avoid the Uncanny Valley effect, because that always creeps me out,” Scott said to Darcy. She nodded in agreement. She’d made Tony knock that human-like thing off with any robots in her vicinity. She wanted all her robots to look like R2D2, not like they’d murder her in her sleep and lead the AI uprising, thankyouverymuch.

“Got it,” Kurt said suddenly.

Scott looked up towards the ceiling; the lights had begun to blink along to “Merry Christmas, Baby.”

“I didn’t know Christmas music could be sexy like that,” he said.

“Right? That mistletoe line is like, super naughty for 1957,” Darcy said.

“I prefer the serious ones,” Kurt said. “Elvis understood what it meant to be far from your family.” He put his hand on his heart for a second. “I have spoken to my mother yesterday, but it is not the same.” The song on the speakers changed.

“Holly Leaves and Christmas Trees,” Darcy said, by way of explanation, to Scott. “One of the serious ones.”

“Da,” Kurt said. “Is very moving.”

Darcy sent a note to Jarvis to pull any versions of  Elvis’s “Mama Liked The Roses” from her facility playlists. Kurt didn’t need that in his life right now.

 

***  


A little while later, Jane came into the lab with a stack of readings from Bruce and asked what they were doing.

“Christmas in January ideas for Scott and Cassie,” Darcy told her.

“Oh, you should show him that movie watchlist you and Thor did for Christmas in July last summer,” Jane said. “Also, Thor wanted me to tell you that he’d sent a raven to _Doctor_ Wizard. He’ll see you today. Portal opens at 3pm.”

“Today?” Darcy said. “Ahhh, I need to go get ready. I thought he’d drag his feet a little more and I’d be able to plan my pitch.”

“Do you need backup? I could go with you,” Scott offered.

“He would so freak out if you came into the Sanctum with ants,” Jane said. “I want Scott to go with you. So bad.”

“Oh em gee, what did he say to you at that gala?” Darcy asked. Jane had that same steely glint in her eye that she got when she talked about SHIELDRA goons.

“He made a bunch of jokes about theoretical research,” she said. “Then he asked me if I was adjunct faculty or if they’d _actually given_ me tenure at Culver.”

“Damn,” Scott said. “I don’t even think Hank would say that to anybody.”

Jane went to the back of the lab, muttering “asshat surgeons” to herself.

Darcy pulled a face at Scott. “I have to ask this guy for a favor,” she said, sighing.

“Why?” Scott asked.

“I need his help for my ex-husband’s injuries,” Darcy said. "He has Tibetan magical whatsits that can cure anything."

“Isn’t your ex-husband Crossbones?” Scott asked dubiously. “The mercenary guy?”

“Yeah, but we’ve stayed friendly. We’re trying to have an Elvis and Priscilla divorce,” Darcy said.

“Da, Elvis and Priscilla still loved each other very much. Does he plan to leave you his criminal empire to run when he fakes his death, too?” Kurt asked curiously.

“That would be sweet,” Luis said from the couch. “You would make a really hot mercenary, Miss Itty Bitty. I would work for you.”

  
***

 

**World’s Okayest Assistant:** You’re not planning on faking your death one day and leaving Graceland to me, are you?

**Agent Gelato:** Graceland?

**World’s Okayest Assistant:** Graceland, Elvis Presley Enterprises, whatever term you’d prefer for your current, uhm, occupation?

**Agent Gelato:** No.

**Agent Gelato:** But you’d be good at the planning side. I remember Tony’s harassment seminars and Priscilla and Lucille Doe.

**Agent Gelato:** If SHIELD had survived more fully, my plan was to get Jane a lab space in DC and you a sideline in the department that does psych-ops strategy. It was founded by the guy who made those decoy tanks in WWII that were really styrofoam. 

**Agent Gelato:** That does give me ideas, though…

**World’s Okayest Assistant:** Please, no. I am ill-equipped to run Graceland.

**Agent Gelato:** Don’t lie to me. I’ve seen the way your eyes light up at a range.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch. title/mood: Elvis Presley's "Santa Bring My Baby Back (To Me)"
> 
> *When I was looking up how to spell Kurt's name, I found out the actor who played him imagined that he'd grown up in a remote part of Russia, but come to America because he loved Elvis and the movie Saturday Night Fever. So, of course, Kurt is working on the lights for Darcy. I made him one of those conspiracy-minded Elvis fans.
> 
> *I can't decide if Scott should go with Darcy or not. On one hand, I think she'd try to handle Dr. Wizard alone, but the idea of Scott in the Sanctum touching stuff just delights me.


	9. You're My Evergreen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ant-tonia is waiting on Bleeker Street

**Kid from Brooklyn:** How are things with my best girl?

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** I’m your best girl now? I thought it was just “my girl”?

 **Kid from Brooklyn:** Battlefield promotion. Those molasses cookies that you had Nat bring me and Sam when she brought that surveillance equipment here were very good.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** I found the recipe in an old cookbook from the 30s.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** I wish I could have brought them myself. [heart emoji]

 **Kid from Brooklyn:** Me, too. Miss you like crazy. But Nat was already on her way to Vienna to meet Fury and it seemed wrong to pull you away from the lab when I’ll be back in 72 hours or so. And this place ain’t romantic, doll. [photo]

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Please tell me that’s an oil stain and not a blood stain? Is that a warehouse?

 **Kid from Brooklyn:** I think it might be both. It used to be a warehouse, before Hydra got to it.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** I’m going to see Dr. Wizard today for Brock at 3.

 **Kid from Brooklyn:** I’m glad he agreed to see you. I hope Dr. Strange can help. It’s not right what Fury and Hill had Rumlow do. It doesn’t sit well with me. If we’d handled it differently...I can’t help thinking he wouldn’t need a doctor if we’d kept those helicarriers under water. Dozens of good people would still be alive. I thought that’s what we were trying to do. They had me out there giving a speech to people knowing what I asked ‘em to do couldn’t happen. Wouldn’t happen.

 **Kid from Brooklyn:** Between realizing how DC really went down and spending all this time with Bucky’s file while he keeps running from me, you’re the only thing keeping me going, my _cushla machree_.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** I know. It’s such a mess for everybody.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Did you just call me a cute name in Russian?

 **Kid from Brooklyn:** Doll, that is no cold Russian endearment. That’s God’s own Irish for my best girl.

  
***

 

Darcy hummed “We’re Off To See The Wizard” as she waited for the portal to open in the living room of the Avengers facility. Luis, Kurt, and Dave were all sitting on the couch, waiting for it to happen. Thor, having seen these portals previously, was making popcorn with Jane. Darcy was ninety percent sure Thor had planned this, just so he could see Luis’s face when Dr. Wizard did whatever this portal whatsit did. A tiny Scott was stowed away in her messenger bag. She’d veto’d any of the ants being in there, so Scott had sent them ahead.

“Ant-tonia is in position on Bleeker Street!” a tinny voice said from inside her bag. She peered down at Scott.

“Don’t tell Tony I let you ride along”--Tony was in California with Pepper, they were returning this week--”because he says this guy is his “Facial Hair Bro,” whatever that means,” Darcy said. “I’m afraid I might be breaking some sort of Facial Hair Bro Code.”

“Affirmative!” Tiny Scott gave her the thumbs up. It was cute, really.

“He didn’t have facial hair when I met him,” Jane said, emerging from the kitchen with several bowls of popcorn. Thor was happily distributing them, looking entirely too pleased with himself.

Darcy groaned.

“What’s the matter, Miss Itty Bitty?” Luis asked.

“That probably means he’s even more douchey now. Have you ever seen anyone grow facial halr like Tony’s in the process of evolving into a less difficult person?” Darcy asked.

“Nope. Can’t stay that I have,” Dave said, shaking his head.

“I did see a lot of guys grow beards in prison when they joined a biker gang,” Luis said, still smiling.

“We have met the hour of our assignation!” Thor said loudly at three o’ clock. “The good doctor arrives!” He was grinning widely.

In front of Darcy, golden sparks began to circle and shimmer in the air. When a circle had formed, on the other side she could see a luxurious, wood-paneled room that looked like a fancy university library. Or Ralph Lauren’s country house. A tall, slim man stepped through the portal.

“Dr. Foster, Thor,” he said. “And whoever you are.” He nodded coolly to the surprised-looking men on the couch. “Miss Lewis, I presume?” he said, looking Darcy over with cool blue eyes. She was trying not to gape back at him.

“You presume correctly, Dr. Strange,” she said, trying very hard not to giggle. Had anyone ever had a more appropriate name since Victor von Doom?

“Follow me," he said, offering her an arm. “You are quite safe with my portal.” In her peripheral vision, Darcy saw Jane twitch.

Darcy--tiny Scott Lang still in her bag--took the proffered elbow, stepped into the circle, and disappeared. When it closed behind her, everyone in the room began to talk at once.

 

“He is still such an asshat,” Jane was muttering.

“Oh man, hot Science! Lady and Surfer God, that was off the chain,” Luis said. “It reminds me of this time my cousin lit a bunch of sparklers and swung them around on a chain. He wanted to be in Cirque du Soleil, you know, so he was doing an experiment. He lost his whole left eyebrow, but they saved the right one and…”

“Was that Strange dude wearing a cape? Like old Superman?” Dave asked incredulously, while Luis was still talking.

“Indeed, he is the chosen bearer of the Cloak of Levitation, a most worthy and able companion. Though it is nothing to Mjolnir,” Thor boomed, patting his hammer. It wouldn’t do for Mjolnir to feel slighted.

“He reminds me of Kazakh dictator. The traditional dress is very elaborate,” Kurt replied seriously.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch. title inspiration/mood: Squirrel Nut Zipper's "My Evergreen"
> 
> "Cushla Machree" = "vein/pulse of my heart" in anglicized Gaelic; i.e., one for whom my heart beats.
> 
> Dr. Strange might sound a little British here, only because I think the character would've been a million times funnier if they'd let Cumberbatch be an expat Dr. Strange and keep his real accent


	10. Just Want You For My Own

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On your left

_A warehouse in a former Soviet republic...._

 

“On your left,” Steve called before he sat down.

“How are you doing?” Sam asked as they split the last molasses cookie. They had 70 more hours in the field before Nat picked them up to fly back home for the holidays. Sam would head back to his parents--Tony had invited him to stay and had to be contented with a promise of Sam coming for New Year’s--while Steve would go back to Darcy.

“I’ve been better. Bet you’re looking forward to going home to your mama’s swell cooking,” Steve said. Mrs. Wilson’s sweet potato pie was amazing. Certainly better than what they’d eaten recently.

“It’s been fun, man, but...” Sam let his voice trail off.

“We both need a break,” Steve said. “It’s wearing on me, too.”  
  
The warehouse was damp and grimy. It smelled predominantly of mold and--to Steve’s slightly enhanced nose--there was an underlying tang of metal. Copper. The scent of blood. Hydra had tortured people here. He had a strong suspicion there might be bodies somewhere under his feet; there were places where the concrete floor had been broken and then repoured. No better place to hide a body, he supposed, that somewhere you didn’t plan to leave. They’d just poured the new concrete and walked right over them.

“You got more wearing on you?” Sam asked.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. It’s not like my best friend is a brainwashed assassin who won’t see me or my girl’s ex-husband wasn’t a Nazi after all,” Steve said. “Or that I was used as a patsy by SHIELD.”

“It’s a good thing none of that is happening, or I’d be worried about you, Cap,” Sam said.

“You don’t say,” Steve said wryly.

“Which one of those things bothers you the most?” Sam asked. He was using a more careful tone.

“When I went into this--when I did the serum, I mean--everything was real clear. I was supposed to be a good man, Sam. Fight Nazis. Motivate other people to fight Nazis, too. That was my job,” Steve said quietly.

“And?” Sam said.

“Shit started getting unclear when they brought me back. It’s easy to punch Hitler. It’s hard to figure out the morality of what everybody’s been doing since I was in the ice. I know Peggy and Howard were doing their best in a complicated world, but it’s ugly, Sam. I’ve read what Bucky did to innocent people. I’ve seen what the Soviets and Hydra did to Bucky and what we did during the Cold War, too. Us in Vietnam, the French in Algeria, stuff like that. Even before the war ended, the atomic bomb in Japan. Some people might say that’s necessary evil to fight the Axis powers, then the Soviets. That what SHIELD did in DC was necessary. That dozens of Hydra moles could’ve escaped at Triskelion, so it was worth the sacrifice, but I feel like I don’t know where I am in the world anymore,” Steve said.

“You didn’t choose any of that, Steve,” Sam said.

“I’m choosing to go after Bucky, no matter what he’s done. I’m not leaving Darcy, even though my ma might say I ought to step back, knowing the truth,” Steve said. "Maybe he did love her?"

 

Sam looked at Steve for a long moment.

 

“Am I still a good man if I want to bring Bucky back and I want Darcy, too?” Steve asked sincerely.  

“I think you are, Cap. You may not be as flawless as the guy at the Smithsonian, but your buddy was brainwashed and your girlfriend is choosing to stay with you too,” Sam said.

“She is, isn’t she?” Steve said, a slow smile crossing his face in relief. He beamed.

“The ladies are free agents nowadays, Pop Pop,” Sam said, smiling. “What Christmas song did she send you today?”  
  
“All I Want for Christmas is You,” Steve said. He hoped it was true.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch title inspiration/mood: All I Want for Christmas is You (Mariah Carey's version for #TeamShieldShock, She & Him for #TeamGelato, probably)


	11. Jimmy Stewart's With His Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We've decided Dr. Strange has a British accent in this AU.

They were in Dr. Strange’s sitting room. He’d served her a very nice green tea and scones, had shown her his many, many medical awards, and was being scrupulously polite if a bit stiff, at least until she explained which patient she was there to beg a consult for.

“You want me to help your ex-husband with his paresthesia? Your ex-husband Crossbones, who is an infamously psychotic mercenary?” Dr. Strange asked, blinking.

“He’s not psychotic, it’s deep cover. I swear, you’d be perfectly safe,” Darcy said, trying not be distracted by his facial hair. It was even more extra than Tony's, honestly.

“He robbed a bank vault yesterday,” Strange said, holding up a newspaper.

“Oooh, can I have this? I hadn’t seen it. I’m making him a scrapbook,” Darcy said.

Dr. Strange goggled at her. “A scrapbook?” he asked.

Tiny Scott had crawled to the edge of her bag and was trying to see the newspaper, too.

“Uh-huh. His new uniform is very intimidating, it photographs well,” Darcy said. "I wonder what Hydra had in that vault?"

“Are you two still together?” Strange asked.

“Oh no. We’re just trying to be divorced like Elvis and Priscilla. You know, very friendly,” Darcy said, shifting the paper so Tiny Scott could see. He nodded and it made her messenger bag tremble.

“Friendly? So, you’re unmarried at present? Why is your handbag moving?” Strange asked.

 

Scott--apparently deciding he wanted to explore--had slid down the back of the bag. He gave her a little wave and bounced away. Horrified, Darcy tried to cover for him.

 

“I, uh, have my phone on vibrate, so it doesn’t startle Jane in the lab,” Darcy lied. “And yeah, I’m a happy divorcée at the mo.”

“Yes, well, Dr. Foster’s theoretical research is very promising, even if she has historically been underfunded. Would you tell her that I would be happy to collaborate with her, if she so chose?” Strange asked.

“That’s very, uh, accommodating of you. Most scientists don’t share well,” Darcy said.

“I’m trying to turn over a new leaf,” Strange said. He gestured to the room around them. “Or, the leaf turned me.”

“That’s very zen. You’re not turning over the leaf, it turned you?” Darcy said. “Sort of like Rumi.”

“I do quite enjoy Rumi,” Dr. Strange said, looking unaccountably happy. “Do you read poetry, Miss Lewis?”

“Sometimes. I’m fond of Ron Rash and Harryette Mullen,” Darcy admitted. The gleam in Dr. Strange’s eye was really well, _strange_. “So, you’ll treat Brock?” she asked.

“If we can meet in the safety of Stark’s facility, yes,” he said, sighing. “His case is interesting from a medical and a magical perspective. But I don’t want mercenaries in the Sanctum.”

“I understand that completely,” Darcy said, beaming at him. She’d learned this smile from Steve. It did wonders.

“Would you be interested in having dinner with me sometime?” Strange asked suddenly. Uh-oh. The Steve Smile had backfired, Darcy realized. Whoops. It was sometimes too much.

“I’m sorry, I’m actually seeing someone,” she said. “Steve Rogers.”

He only looked a little disappointed, thank God, and didn’t make a scene. It was much better than she would have expected from a grown man in a cape. 

  

When they left the sitting room, there was a trail of ants leading to the Sanctum’s front door, carrying several very old, very singular looking objects. Scott had to regular-size himself and apologize that the ants had tried to steal some of the precious relics before they left. Darcy could swear she saw Ant-tonia sneaking off with a very suspicious look.

“You attempted to rob me?” Strange asked.

“Technically, I attempted to burgle you. Robbery implies use of force,” Scott said.

Strange stared at him.

“I’m really sorry about that,” Scott said. “Honest mistake.”

“He is, I swear,” Darcy said. “Scott’s really a good guy.”

“Do you just prefer the company of criminals?” Strange asked her, looking baffled.

***

“So,” Smith said to Brock, “Christmas with the ex, huh? What made you say yes to that?” They were sitting in a bar in the Bronx, having finished a tour of several Hydra bases and various other locations. Smith was headed to Key West for Christmas. He wanted to see the boat Monroe had bought with Brock’s go-bag money. The other six members of the squad--Rodriguez, Miller, Harkness, Lopez, Esposito, and the other Rodriguez, who had been nicknamed “Junior” because he was a few months younger--had already decamped to their own homes for the holidays.

“I might be insane,” Brock admitted. “I don’t know why she invited me. She’s dating Rogers, for fuck’s sake.”

“You can’t stay away from her,” Smith said, laughing. “Which is exactly what you deserve after years of blowing off perfectly nice, sane women for work. You fall for the chick who hangs out with Avengers, has a thing for tasers and homemade lab equipment, and calls you a ‘Nazi dipshit’ when she thinks you’re going to kill her, instead of begging to be saved. She has your death wish.”

Brock sighed. “She’s a lot of fun,” he admitted.

“She is nice to look at, too,” Smith said thoughtfully. “I didn’t expect her to be that attractive. You don’t talk about her looks much. What’s she look like when she’s not wrapped in a rug and mad enough to spit tacks?” he asked.

Brock slid his phone across the table. On it was his favorite photo of Darcy. He’d taken it one day when she had been shimmying in her lab chair to Bob Marley’s “Is This Love.” She was smiling up at him, biting her lip.

“Oh, you’re totally screwed, pal,” Smith said.

  
***

**World’s Okayest Assistant:** So, I’m having a guilty moment. Can I confess something to you?

**Agent Gelato:** What?

**World’s Okayest Assistant:** It’s okay if you bail on Xmas after you find out.

**Agent Gelato:** You and Rogers get engaged or something?

**World’s Okayest Assistant:** What? No.

**World’s Okayest Assistant:** Like, seriously, not that. We haven’t even...nevermind.

**World’s Okayest Assistant:** You’ve heard of Dr. Strange?

**Agent Gelato:** That middle-aged Harry Potter with the cape on Bleeker?

**World’s Okayest Assistant:** He was a reknowned surgeon first, okay? Before the cape. I’ve seen his trophy room. He was like, Dr. Miracle. King of the American Medical Association.

**Agent Gelato:** I’m not sure I really want to know about your love life, sweetheart.

**World’s Okayest Assistant:** You have an obsession with sex, Gelato. I’m not interested in him that way.

**World’s Okayest Assistant:** He magically repaired nerve damage to his own hands. I’ve badgered him into giving you a consult for your nerve damage. He can use his medical expertise _and_ his Tibetan jujubees to see if he can help you be more comfortable.

**Agent Gelato:** Oh. That’s kind of you. I wasn’t expecting that.

**World’s Okayest Assistant:** I’m not done being offended that you thought I’d boffed him in his trophy room.

**World’s Okayest Assistant:** I may cancel your appointment and boff him in the trophy room in revenge, though. Do that thing you liked a lot.

**Agent Gelato:** Boff? Which thing?

**World’s Okayest Assistant:** I’m a lady. I use the nice words.

**World’s Okayest Assistant:** You know which thing. As if I ever would with someone _from Earth_ who wears a cape and wizard bling. His necklace looks like a present someone from the Gambino crime family would give their mistress.

**World’s Okayest Assistant:** He was snippy to Scott and his ants. They did try to burgle him, though. The ants, not Scott.

**World’s Okayest Assistant:** He has Vincent Price facial hair.

**World’s Okayest Assistant:** How dare you, sir.

**World’s Okayest Assistant:** Vincent Price!

**Agent Gelato:** You took someone’s aunts to the Sanctum?

**World’s Okayest Assistant:** No, Scott Lang came with me. Ant Man? He has actual ants like [ant emoji], they do stuff.

**World’s Okayest Assistant:** He can make them fetch sugar cubes, but I think they stole my secret Reese’s.

**World’s Okayest Assistant** : I can’t believe you think I’d have sex with _Doctor_ Vincent Price Gambino Girlfriend Necklace Wizard. I’m hurt.

**Agent Gelato:** In my defense, I’m going to argue you’re a very beautiful woman. I just assume all men want you.

**World’s Okayest Assistant:** [eyeroll emoji] You stole that ‘beautiful woman’ bit from the episode of _Dharma & Greg _I made you watch that one time.

**Agent Gelato:** The guy who played Pete is on _Mad Men_ now.

**World’s Okayest Assistant:** Did you know Bill Murray is his older brother?! I just found out.

**Agent Gelato:** _Ghostbusters_ Murray? No shit?

**Agent Gelato:** Now that you say it, I can kinda see it.

**World’s Okayest Assistant:** Right?

**World’s Okayest Assistant:** Strange did ask me out though.

**Agent Gelato:** I knew it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch. title inspiration/mood: Chris Isaak's "Christmas on TV." Such a great, melancholy holiday song.
> 
> Thanks for all your kind comments!


	12. Let Your Heart Be Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve is stateside.
> 
> *I own nothing

Steve and Nat came home via quinjet sometime after eleven on a crisp December night. Everything was shiny in the dark. Tony had even lit the landing pad with holiday lights. Darcy ran out to meet them and Steve picked her up in his arms.

“I’ve missed you, _acushla_ ,” he whispered. Darcy kissed him. She continued to feather kisses on his face as she spoke.

“I thought maybe”--kiss--”I might sneak Captain America”--kiss--”past the crowds so”--kiss--”Steve Rogers could”--kiss--”have the night off?” she asked him playfully.

“Mmm. Sounds perfect, doll,” he said. Her touch felt like a luxury after so many weeks alone. He wanted to just melt into the feeling.

They snuck into the facility via a maintenance door and Jarvis got them to Darcy’s room undetected. Steve’s nerves were alive and twinkling like all the Christmas trees.

“Maybe it’s time you stay the night?” Darcy asked him when the door closed. 

“Yeah. I’ve been thinking about that,” he said, taking her face in his hands.

“Have you now?” she asked him.

“Uh-huh,” he said, beaming. “Lots. I might need a shower first, though.” He kissed her.

“I’ve got plenty of towels,” Darcy said, when they separated briefly. “How does Captain America get the suit off anyway? Are there buttons?”

“Oh, I got lots of buttons, doll, I don’t know how you’ll manage,” Steve said, with mock-innocence.

 

***

  
**Master of the Universe:** Where’s Cap?

**Red-Headed Woman:** With Darcy.

**Red-Headed Woman:** If you bother them, I will end you.

**Agent Buff Arms:** OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh

**Master of the Universe:** Finally.

**Master of the Universe:** You know, she promised to name her firstborn after me. Tony Rogers has a nice ring to it.

**The World’s Most Amazing CEO:** Tony no.

**Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **Technically, the baby will be called Elvis Anthony Rogers.

**Master of the Universe:** _Elvis_ Tony Rogers? From my presumed future heir to the leader of his own Burlington, VT jam band in one first name mistake. Tell her if she drops the Elvis, I’ll leave the baby his own aviation company and maybe the whole Asian-Pacific division.

**Master of the Universe:** When does Darth Rambo get here?

**Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: ** Tuesday, I think? He’s spending Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with his relatives in the city and coming up that evening.

**Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **Asshat Strange will be here Christmas Day. All his relatives are in England, so he says he doesn’t mind working. I bet they told him to keep his portal to himself on Boxing Day.

**Agent Buff Arms:** This is gonna be a real interesting holiday.

  
  


  
  
***   


When he emerged from her shower later, wrapped in a towel, Darcy grinned. “I suddenly feel like singing “America the Beautiful.” Any idea why?” she said.

“Oh, no,” Steve said, shaking his head and doing that puppy face at her. “I wouldn’t even begin to guess.”

When he scooped her up and threw her over his shoulder laughing, she shrieked.

“Steve, you’ve lost your towel,” she said.

“I’m done being shy, _acushla_ ,” he said.

 

Sometime later she tugged on his hair and he looked up from between her legs.

“Yeah, Darce?” he asked. “You all right? You’re looking a little flushed.”

“What showgirl taught Captain America to do that?” Darcy said, breathless.

Steve tilted his head to one side and looked thoughtful for a minute.

“Betty from Sheboygan,” Steve said, grinning.

“God bless Betty,” Darcy said. “I might be a little in love with that woman right now.”

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch. title/mood inspiration: Chris Isaak's "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas," but all of his Christmas album, really.
> 
> acushla= anglicized Gaelic for "darling"
> 
> Thanks for all the comments and kudos! Y'all are the best!


	13. In England, They Say 'Happy Christmas'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What is an oud, anyway?
> 
> *I own nothing.

“Whatcha doin, baby?” Darcy said when she woke up on Christmas Day.

“Sketching my best girl,” Steve said, beaming. He had his sketchpad in his lap and was shirtless and holding a colored pencil. He looked remarkably like Paul Varjack relaxing in her bed. She was tempted to call him Fred Baby. But she’d always objected to Mickey Rooney’s part and that scene with poor Cat. Who leaves their pet in the rain?

“Sugar, you all right?” Steve asked. “You’re frowning.”

She shook herself a little. “Have you seen _Breakfast at Tiffany’s_ yet? I was just thinking of how messed up parts of that movie are,” she said.

“No, but I trust your assessment,” Steve said. “You’ve never steered me wrong.”

“And here I thought I’d spent the last few days leading you to sin,” Darcy teased.

“You can’t lead a man to sin if he goes willingly,” Steve said with a grin. From the living room, there was a high-pitched shriek. “Lila and Cooper opening presents?” Steve asked.

“Scott, I think,” Darcy said. “Or Nat is finally killing Luis. In which case, we’re already too late.”

Steve got that innocent look that meant he was scheming again. “How long do you think we can hide out here exactly?” he asked.

“We have Jarvis on our side, we could probably stay a whole week,” Darcy said thoughtfully. "Or at least until it calms down out there some. In an hour or two, everyone will be drunk, in a sugar coma from Luis's waffles, or drunk _and_ in a sugar coma from the waffles."

Steve put down his sketchpad and pulled her closer.

“Jarvis, please turn up the music and maintain privacy protocols,” Steve said to the ceiling.

“Yes, Captain Rogers,” the AI said. “As you requested earlier, the door locks cannot be breached, even by sir, except in case of emergency. A true emergency.”

“You’re an excellent lieutenant, Jarvis. I’m gonna recommend you for a commendation,” Steve said.

 

***

 

 **Master of the Universe:** I think they’ve got Jarvis. I can’t override the door locks.

 **Red-Headed Woman:** Why would you do that? Leave them alone.

 **Agent Buff Arms:** Come play with the kids and the Spiderboy. Rhodey’s teaching them that Ultimate Shield game with the soft replica of Cap’s shield. Cooper might let you play with the new arrows I got him, too.

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **Thor, Scott, and the Wombats have the brunch station going, too. Thor’s had five of Luis’s strawberry mimosas. They’re amazing.

 **The World’s Most Amazing CEO:** Jane, if you want more, I hid a pitcher in my room.

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **Oooh, yeah. I need to hide from Asshat Strange. He keeps trying to talk to me about my research. Acts like he wants to collaborate.

 **Red-Headed Woman:** He may be telling the truth.

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **Phffft.

 **Red-Headed Woman:** I believe he has developed an affection for Darcy. We ran into him while shopping. He talked to her about poetry and the Egyptian singer Um Kulthum.

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: ** Oh, no. No. Not the cat singer lady. No one actually likes Um Kulthum who isn’t Egyptian or a professor of Arabic literature. Pepper, where are those mimosa?!

 **The World’s Most Amazing CEO:** [photo of secret mimosa station]

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **Headed your way. I cannot take this arrogant weirdo being in love with her, too. I. Can. Not. Take. It.

 **Master of the Universe:** Caped Vincent Price has Bruce cornered now.

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **If it were anyone else, I’d rescue him but no.

 **The World’s Most Amazing CEO:** Slow down, Jane. Thor did the liquor in those.

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **I KNOW.

 **Agent Buff Arms:** Darth Rambo’s here early. I’m gonna ask whether or not he wants to shoot some arrows with me, if nobody else will.

 

*******

**  
** **Agent Gelato:** Folks, why the fuck is Strange trying to ask me about Darcy? Also, some guy just told me about how he’d like to join my crew? He stole two machines from a Jamba Juice?

 **Master of the Universe:** Rambo! Glad you could make it! I’ll be right there. You can meet my Spider kid.

 **Agent Buff Arms:** Hey, dude! I’m up in the vent. Look up. [wave emoji]

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **Brock, come hide from Dr. Asshat with me and Pepper. We have Thor and Luis’s mimosas. We’re in Tony’s hat closet. [map]

 **Agent Gelato:** He really did ask her out, didn’t he? I thought she was joking.

 **Agent Buff Arms:** I got arrows, if you wanna shoot at him a little. And Thor and Rhodey are playing Ultimate Shield outside with the kids.

 **Agent Gelato:** The guy who’s supposed to be my physician just asked if my ex-wife would be interested in tickets to an oud concert? What the fuck is an oud?

 **World's Okayest Assistant:** It's like a traditional Arabic guitar. I'm sorry. I'll be right there to rescue you. I really thought he was taking it well when I said no to him the other day.

 **One Time Baskin-Robbins Employee of the Month:** I thought he was taking it well, too. He didn't even want to press charges against the ants.

 **Kid from Brooklyn:** Do I even want to know what he'd be pressing charges against the ants for, Scott? 

 **One Time Baskin-Robbins Employee of the Month:** No, sir, Cap. It was nothing really.

 **World's Okayest Assistant:** It was just a burgle, not a robbery, Steve.

 **One Time Baskin-Robbins Employee of the Month:** Yeah. The ants didn't use violence or force.

 **Kid from Brooklyn:** [photo of Captain America's Disappointed face]

*******

**One Time Baskin-Robbins Employee of the Month:** Oh, man, he made the face. I've been arrested and I didn't feel that bad.

 **World's Okayest Assistant:** The first time he did the face at me, I almost fainted. You get used to it.

 **One Time Baskin-Robbins Employee of the Month:** Really?

 **World's Okayest Assistant:**....a little. I only feel 45% guilty for my crimes now, not 85%. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Thanks for all the comments and support!


	14. There's A Girl in My Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't get near Jane's Science!
> 
> *I own nothing.

Darcy had planned to stay with Brock as Dr. Strange assessed him that afternoon, but when he saw her come into the doorway of the room where they were working--adjacent to Jane’s lab--Brock frowned.

“I’d rather you not be stuck here, sweetheart,” he said.

“Really? I thought I could keep you company,” Darcy said. She slid her eyes towards Dr. Strange’s back, waggled her eyebrows, and mouthed, _Are you sure?_

“I’ll be fine,” Brock said. “Go enjoy yourself. You don’t want to spend all of your holiday here.”

“I don’t mind at all,” Darcy said.

“No, it’s fine,” Brock said. “Go do something fun.” Darcy looked at him stubbornly.

“Brock--,” she began, but then Steve stuck his head around the doorframe.

“Darce, why don’t we take the bike for a ride then? Get some fresh air?” he said. He reached for her waist and squeezed her hips gently.

“Okay, then. I’m out-voted,” Darcy said. “Call me if you change your mind,” she said to Brock as Steve herded her out.

“Have a pleasant trip,” Dr. Strange said crisply to them.

At the sound of his voice, Jane looked up in the lab across the hall and glared daggers at him. She was still slightly drunk on Thor’s mimosas, but she was going to make sure her lab was locked up tight. Thor was waiting to walk her back, looking both slightly pleased and slightly nervous. On one hand, he loved his feisty Jane, but she could be more terrifying than Sif when her work was threatened. He feared that bloodshed was somehow taboo on American holidays, although it would have been perfectly fine for Jane to smite Strange on Asgard.

 

***

**Master of the Universe:** Where did Cap and Itty Bitty go?

**Agent Buff Arms:** Out on his bike.

**Master of the Universe:** Did they take their new helmets?

**Red-Headed Woman:** Yes.

**Red-Headed Woman:** He is going to give her the Christmas present.

**Agent Buff Arms:** I thought he already did? Those books she wanted.

**Master of the Universe:** And that painting of the Eiffel Tower in 1940-whatever that he did?

**Red-Headed Woman:** There is one more thing.

**Red-Headed Woman:** He made us stop in Ireland on our return.

**Master of the Universe:** So, what, he got her Dolly the sheep?

**Red-Headed Woman:** No.

**Agent Buff Arms:** Maureen the sheep? Cheddar cheese?

**Red-Headed Woman:** He stopped at a jewelry store.

**Red-Headed Woman:** Whatever it was, it was already waiting and he would not let Sam or I see it.

**Agent Buff Arms:** Lots of people propose at Christmas.

**Red-Headed Woman:** I know. I have hopes.

**Master of the Universe:** With Rambo here? Where’s Jane, would she know anything?

**Agent Buff Arms:** I saw Thor carrying her somewhere awhile ago. She was trying to get at Strange because he looked at her lab funny. They were ‘bout to scrap. Wouldn’t touch that without your suit.

**One Time Baskin-Robbins Employee of the Month:** She was trying to snatch off his goatee. We saw it all.

 

***

That was how Darcy found herself on the back of Steve’s bike, wearing one of the new Stark bluetooth helmets that Tony had given Steve for Christmas.

“What do you want to hear?” Darcy asked Steve; Tony had emphasized that there were shared speakers in the helmets, so they could talk and listen to music.

“What about some doo wop?” Steve asked.

“You really love that, don’t you?” she asked.

“Doll, I had to stop the elevator when Jarvis played me one of those songs,” he said.

“Which one?” she asked.

“I Only Have Eyes For You,” he said.

“I love that song,” Darcy said. “It’s so beautiful, almost haunting.”

“I feel the same way,” Steve said. “Tony made it my ringtone afterwards,” Steve said. “I didn’t know about ringtones. Whenever my phone rang, I thought about you. Wished it was you callin,’ really,” he said.

“Awww,” Darcy said, squeezing him tighter. “Steven Grant Rogers, you are the sweetest man.” She rested her head on his broad, warm shoulder and didn’t want to be anywhere else.

They rode past snow-covered upstate fields to the sounds of the Ronettes. When “Baby, I Love You” drifted through the speakers, Darcy whispered that it was one of her favorites.

“Mine, too,”  Steve said.

“Jarvis, play Steve something by The Capris, please,” she asked.

“Yes, Miss Lewis,” the AI said.

“You’ll like them,” Darcy said, as “There’s A Moon Out Tonight” began.  They drove until it started to turn to twilight and they decided they had to go back.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch. mood/title inspiration: The Capris' "There's A Moon Out Tonight"
> 
> *thanks for all the comments, kudos, and feedback. Y'all are the best!


	15. See The Pyramids Along the Nile...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve had to have met Jo Stafford because she's wonderful. Just the most lovely WWII-era singer. She really did so many USO tours that she was nicknamed "G.I. Jo."
> 
> *I own nothing!

“Do you think we could sneak back to Iowa with the Bartons?” Steve suggested, half-jokingly, as he stopped the bike in front of the facility. “I want to really get off the grid with you for a bit.”

“One day we will,” Darcy said. “Maybe not tomorrow, but someday.”

“Someday,” Steve said.

 

***

 **Agent Buff Arms:** They’re back!

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **What do you see?

 **Master of the Universe:** Don’t let Steve see you with those binoculars.

 **Master of the Universe:** You see anything?

 **Agent Buff Arms:** She’s got gloves on.

 **Agent Buff Arms:** I got $200 on this.

 **Master of the Universe:** He’s kneeling! Pepper!

 **The World’s Most Amazing CEO:** Tony, calm down. You’re squealing.

 **Red-Headed Woman:** Shhh. He will hear you. Loud children. Do not ruin the moment.

 **One Time Baskin-Robbins Employee of the Month:** I cannot believe I get to witness this historic moment. Do you think she’ll ask us to be godfathers to Elvis Rogers?

 **Master of the Universe:** Back off, Tiny Tim, Tony Rogers is going to be my godson.

 **One Time Baskin-Robbins Employee of the Month:** Luis is so excited, he’s already calling people to tell them he knows Mrs. America.

  
  
***

They were cutting across an expanse of snow-covered lawn when Steve stopped her.

 

“Darce,” he said, “I don’t want to you to get too cold, but I do want to give you your present when we’re alone. I made Sam and Nat stop in Ireland with me,” he said.

“You finally went to Coolea?” Darcy asked, pleased. She’d been telling him he should go between rounds of looking for Bucky. She thought it might help him feel better to see where his mother was born. Ground him.

“Like I’d go to Coolea without the girl who got me Coolea cheese,” Steve scoffed. “That ain’t happening without you, Darce. I found a jewelry store in Cork and picked this out for you.”

He knelt in the snow so he wouldn’t tower over her and opened a box. It held a delicate silver necklace with five small round charms. They seemed to float and spark in the dusk.

“Steve, it’s beautiful,” Darcy said.

“Spells out the Irish word for happiness,” he said softly.

“I love it,” she said, as he hung it gently around her neck. “Steve, dance with me.”

“In the snow?” he asked.

“It’s the only time we’ll get to dance alone,” Darcy said, laughing. “I’ve got on, like five layers and you’re a human space heater.”

 

Anyone looking out a window that night would’ve seen them swaying gently in the snowy dusk. From inside Darcy’s pocket, her phone played Jo Stafford’s “You Belong to Me.”

“Isn’t Jo Stafford wonderful?” Darcy sighed.

“I understood that reference,” Steve said softly. “I might have even met her once or twice.”

“Really?” she asked.

“Yeah. She did USO tours during the war. Got so popular they called her G.I. Jo,” he said.

That gave Darcy a tiny case of the church giggles. “My boyfriend met _Jo Stafford._ It’s like saying you’ve gone to the moon,” she whispered. "I love her."

Darcy’s phone switched to Stafford's version of “The Nearness of You” and she sighed.

“I must’ve missed Jo doing this one, I only remember the Glenn Miller version," Steve said. "Glad I get to dance to it with you."

 

He'd missed it all right; when G.I. Jo recorded it in 1956, that nice Steve from the USO shows had been dead for years. Jo didn't see him come back, either. She'd passed away in 2008. They'd just slipped by each other. In the years in-between, people used to ask Jo to dedicate "I'll Be Seeing You" to all the nice boys she met on tour who never came home. 

 

"Oh, I just realized that means you probably haven't heard her sing "Teach Me Tonight," either," Darcy said softly. 

"Always ready to learn, doll."

  

***

 

From a window in a lab, Brock Rumlow and Stephen Strange looked out onto the snow. “Hell of a night for dancing,” Brock said.

“That’s one way to phrase it,” Strange said. They lapsed into a meditative silence.

“Can you do anything for me?’ Brock asked finally.

“It’s possible. But using magic means you will need to consciously make the effort for the rest of your life,” Strange said. His voice was guarded.

“Is that what you’re doing?” Brock asked.

“Correct,” Strange replied. For a moment, he stopped drawing on his magic, so the other man could see the remaining damage to his hands. “It isn’t a healing in the typical sense, so much as it is an adaptive technique. I draw on magical power to counter and balance my symptoms, but they never stop, not truly. They are always extant, they just...go elsewhere.”

 

***

 **Master of the Universe:** Damn. It’s a necklace.

 **Agent Buff Arms:** She can catch the bouquet at your wedding.

 **Red-Headed Woman:** I will commence Operation Bouquet Toss.

 **Master of the Universe:** You think you’re scaring me, but you’re not.

 **The World’s Most Amazing CEO:** Oh, really?

 **Master of the Universe:** Pepper, honey….

 **One Time Baskin-Robbins Employee of the Month:** We’re talking down the “Congratulations, Mr. & Mrs. America” banner.

 **One Time Baskin-Robbins Employee of the Month:** Sorry about your champagne, Mr. Stark.

 **Master of the Universe:** What happened to it? Did you drink my Dom?

 **Master of the Universe:** You better not have gotten my Spider kid drunk. His aunt will kill me.

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **Thor. Thor happened to the Dom Perignon. He loves engagements and weddings.

 **Red-Headed Woman:** Would Rumlow like to meet May Parker, perhaps? What does Thor say, Jane? She is single and a very attractive, interesting woman.

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **It is unclear.

 **One Time Baskin-Robbins Employee of the Month:** Luis’s Magic 8-Ball says the same thing.

 **Master of the Universe:** Stop that. Rambo’s not taking my Spider Kid.

 

***

“Steve,” Darcy said, as they were standing in the snow, “what if I went back with you to Europe to help with the search? Just for a little while? I could help with the tech support?”

“It might not be safe,” Steve said softly. Then his expression changed to one of hopefulness. “I’d love to have you with me, though. Would make a world of difference if you were there, to me and Sam, I think.”

“So?” Darcy said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Yeah,” he said. “Darce, let’s seriously consider it?”

She beamed at him.

“What’s Jane going to say?” Steve said suddenly. He looked nervous.

  
***

Jane, as it happened, had plenty to say.

“No. No, Steve, you are not taking Darcy to Carmen Sandiego all over Europe looking for your friend the brainwashed ex-Soviet murderbot. That is _ridiculous._ Have you lost your mind?” she asked. She was still slightly hungover and grumpy from the fight with Strange. 

Steve raised his palms in surrender when Jane put her hands on her hips and glared at him. She continued to ask him if he'd taken leave of his senses for the next fifteen minutes.

From inside Strange’s lab, Brock chuckled. “Never underestimate the wrath of your Science! Ladies, Cap,” he called. “Rule #1.” Strange rubbed his goatee tenderly.

 

 

When he’d gone, Jane looked at Thor. “Since when does _Steve_ want to take Darcy with him to look for Bucky? He’s usually so protective. This is careless,” she said.

“My brother the Captain perhaps cares too much, my Jane. He sees the return of his fallen comrade and the happy life he wanted so long ago with Darcy and he will not let it slip through his fingers again. This time, he clings tightly,” Thor said quietly.

 

***

Darcy had given him an Um Kulthum CD and a stack of poetry collections for Christmas. When he went back to Europe to look for Bucky after the holidays, Steve carried his new copy of Gibran’s _The Prophet_ in his pocket. He’d underlined a passage that reminded him of his search for his missing friend:  
  
  
_But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:_

_To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night._

_To know the pain of too much tenderness._

_To be wounded by your own understanding of love;_

_And to bleed willingly and joyfully._

 

He would bring Bucky home to Darcy. They would be happy. Someday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch. title/mood inspiration: Jo Stafford's "You Belong to Me."
> 
> The necklace Steve gives Darcy is this real one, from a jewelry store in Cork. "Sonas"= happiness in Gaelic.  
> https://www.enibas.com/jewellery/sonas-short-multi-necklace-4/
> 
> The excerpt is from Gibran's "On Love." http://www.katsandogz.com/onlove.html
> 
> *thanks for all the comments and kudos! Y'all are the best!


	16. My Boyfriend's Pretty Cool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The return of Bruce Banner and Pop-Tarts (because I missed them).
> 
> *I own nothing.

The morning after Steve left--he’d gotten a tip about a possible Bucky sighting in Romania and had to go before New Year’s--Darcy was sitting in the lab with Jane and Scott and the Wombats. Rumlow was working in the adjacent room with Strange.

The Wombats were fascinated by Strange’s magic and were watching Brock try to replicate it through the glass panels that separated Jane’s lab from the hallway. There were similar glass partitions in that lab, so everything they were doing was visible. It was one of the things that made Jane so paranoid. She’d already asked Tony if her walls could be changed to those police interrogation mirrors, so she could see Strange, but he couldn’t see her. Tony thought it was hilarious.

 

“Oooh, I see a spark!” Dave yelled. “You see that?”

“It’s gonna be like sparklers all up there,” Luis said, smiling. “Just like my cousin…”

“It has spluttered,” Kurt said somberly. “He cannot make the spark.”

“You made popcorn? Guys, that’s a little rude,” Darcy said, looking up at them for the first time.

“They were hungry first,” Scott said. “Ooh, look, a flicker.”

“Ugh,” Darcy said, “you cannot expect him to do this with all of you watching, like Alvin and the Chipmunks. Guys, you gotta scram.”

 

She sent the Wombats off to play webs and arrows with the Bartons and the Spider Boy and made Scott go back to working on the world’s ugliest robot for Cassie. At the back of the lab.

 

***

When Rumlow stopped for water, he came to lean against Jane’s doorway. The magic must be harder than it looked; Strange didn’t seem to expend physical effort casting his sparkler circles, but Brock had a light sheen of sweat, as if he’d been exercising. His t-shirt was damp.

“You run off my peanut gallery, sweetheart?” he asked.

“I didn’t think you needed an audience,” Darcy said. He didn’t say anything for a moment.

“Where’d Cap head off to?” he asked finally.

“Someone maybe spotted Bucky in Romania in a town in the Carpathian mountains,” Darcy said.

“Carpathian mountains?” he asked. “Why do I know that name?”

“Because of _Dracula_? That’s where Keanu Reeves is going at the beginning of the movie after the cool intro. Those mountains. ‘Children of the night’ and all that. The ooooh, spooky part, before old Gary Oldman shows up with my Grandma Lewis’s bouffant hairdo and kills the mood,” Darcy said. Brock laughed.

 

Before he headed back to work with Strange, he teased Darcy about sexy vampire brides stealing Steve. “Sure looked like those Carpathian girls would sink their teeth into an innocent Boy Scout like Cap,” he said.

“Hush your mouth, Gelato,” she said.

 

***

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Any luck?

 **Kid from Brooklyn:** Nothing yet, _acushla_. But I live in hope.

 **Kid from Brooklyn:** Sam sends his regards. He wants us to come back for Tony’s NYE party.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Does that mean I need to get a party dress?

 **Kid from Brooklyn:** Get a dress anyway. We can always have a private party when I’m back. Captain’s orders.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Yes, sir. [salute emoji]

 

***

 

When she went back to the common room that night during Jane and Bruce’s Science! bender, adorable Peter Parker, Tony, Scott, the Wombats, and Dr. Strange were all actually starting the damn _Dracula_ movie with Brock.

“Don’t let little Spidey see that,” Darcy said, covering his eyes. “It’s gross. He’s impaling people!”

“I’ve seen it before,” Peter grumbled. He didn’t pull her hands away, though.

Young Gary Oldman was saying “Elizabetha!” and weeping over his dead wife’s body when Tony looked up at her from the couch.

“Hey, Itty Bitty, isn’t your middle name Elizabeth?” Tony asked. "Like Winona here?"

“Yes,” Brock said. His eyes didn’t leave the screen.

“Well, that was intense,” Scott said, as Gary Oldman vowed that he’d renounce God and go to hell before he’d give up his love.

“Damn, he drinking blood right out of that crucifix,” Luis said, “it reminds me of this time my friend other Dave--you know, Big Dave?--dared me to drink hot sauce. I drank five whole bottles….”

“Why is he letting his dead wife get all bloody, if he loves her so much?” their Dave asked, perplexed. Darcy had wondered this herself. Elizabetha's pretty dress was going to be ruined.

“Romanians are very intense people,” Kurt said. “More emotional.”

“More emotional than who?” Tony asked, quirking an eyebrow.

“Russians,” Kurt said.

“This is true,” Nat said, appearing from nowhere. Dave and Scott jumped.

“Hey, Hot Murder Lady Sam,” Luis said, interrupting his complicated chain of thought about Texas Pete. Nat twitched.

  
Darcy felt Peter start to swoon a little at all the onscreen blood and made him get up.

“Come on, you adorable child, you’re not ready for your goth phase, yet,” she told him.

“I’m not?” he asked, as she led him to the kitchen to get him some gingersnaps.

“Nope. But I’ll teach you everything I know about eyeliner when the time is right. You can be Goth Spiderbaby,” she promised. “I saved my old Doc Martens and they’ll probably fit you.”

 

***

 

A few minutes later, Dr. Strange appeared in the kitchen. “May I be of assistance? I am a physician, after all,” he asked formally. He looked directly at Peter, who recoiled a fraction.

“No, no I’m--I’m fine, sir. Mr. Str--I mean, Dr. Strange,” he said.

“I’ve got this covered, you can go back to your movie,” Darcy said, not unkindly.

“It is not my movie, Miss Lewis,” he said and swept out of the kitchen with his cape.

  
Darcy invited Peter to come with her back to the lab. She’d decided he was too young for this crowd.

“That Strange guy is, well, strange. He kinda freaks me out,” Peter said, once Jarvis had them safely on the elevator.

“It’s the way he stares at you for just a few seconds too long,” Darcy said.

“Yes! Exactly. How did you know?” Peter asked excitedly.

“I had a poli sci professor who did that at Culver. You would finish whatever your discussion point was and he would just stare for a beat too long,” Darcy said. “It’s intensely uncomfortable.”

“Yeah,” Peter said.

 

When they came into the lab, Bruce looked up at them and smiled. “Hey, Darce,” he said, “guess what my shirt is made of?”

“Boyfriend material?” she said back.

“Hey, that’s my line,” he said.

“Which one of you rapscallions wants ice cream?” Darcy asked.

“Me!” Jane said. “Push pop, please!”

“Will do, Queen Jane,” Darcy said.

She gave an ice cream sandwich to Peter and told him he could hang out with Jane or Bruce when things got too weird. Bruce was a good bro and Jane would share Thor’s Pop Tarts. Peter immediately looked more relaxed. To further comfort him, Darcy got him some of Asgard's official favorite S'mores Pop Tarts and heated them in Pop Up Jimmy III.

"Can I play video games?" he asked sweetly when he saw the game console in the kitchenette.

"Of course you can, little Spidey," she told him.

"Little Elvis Tony Rogers is going to be ridiculously spoiled," Jane said when Darcy came back into the lab. Bruce laughed.

"I heard he was getting an aviation company for his first birthday," he said.

 

 

Just to make Steve laugh, she sent him Lana del Rey’s “Brooklyn Baby.” A few minutes later, her phone pinged.

 **Kid from Brooklyn:** You _are_ cooler than me, doll.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Awwwwwww.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch. title/mood inspiration: Lana Del Rey's "Brooklyn Baby"
> 
> Thanks for all the comments & support! Y'all are amazing!


	17. There's Too Much Confusion, Can't Get No Relief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The whole Sokovia Thing, only slightly differently.
> 
> (Chapter update 1 of 2 for today, 6/9)
> 
>  
> 
> *I own nothing

**Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **What’s the latest on this Sokovia thing? Darcy usually explains this stuff to me, but I can’t find her. I think she’s off feeding Peter junk food.

 **The World’s Most Amazing CEO:** Several of the President’s advisors--Ross, Malick-- pulled together some legislation after that mission went awry. It’s in committee right now, according to my political science team.

 **The World’s Most Amazing CEO:** I’m still mad you won’t let Darcy run our internal think tank for Avengers-related policy. She could do a lot for the Avengers on K Street.

 **Red-Headed Woman:** K Street is the home of odd, lonely men. She could make it so my Widow’s Bites would be legal. Jane, why do you prevent her from this?

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **Because she has already tased half the Senate committee on Science and Technology when they tried to pinch her at various conferences. Sen. Brown almost pressed charges.

 **Agent Gelato:** What mission went awry? Is this the Strucker one?

 **Agent Buff Arms:** Yeah, there were some civilian casualties because Strucker had rigged one of the secret Hydra bases with explosives. He’d already moved what we were looking for. The hidden location was in-between Novi Grad and the countryside, so the blasts caught people we were trying to evacuate out of the city in preparation for raiding the ones inside the city.

 **Agent Gelato:** It was a goddamned bunker, wasn’t it?

 **Agent Buff Arms:** How’d you know?

 **Agent Gelato:** He’s obsessed with Hitler and the Reich. I’ve been keeping an eye out for mentions of places with German Shepherd dogs and Hydra women codenamed Eva, too.

 **Master of the Universe:** Is that why he looks like Evil Mr. Peanut?

 **Agent Gelato:** Yes.

 **Master of the Universe:** Pep, I’d like to do like the therapist says and try to respond to any potential Avengers legislation in a productive way. Make a gesture of good faith and transparency for the public. Tell them we’re not indifferent to civilian casualties. Can you and Bruce help me put a team together that could approach Congress and get involved in negotiations? I want to do this the right way and I know I’m not ready to do it personally. Maybe we could send Cap? Congress loves Cap.

 **The World’s Most Amazing CEO:** Tony, that is a very sensible and socially-appropriate plan.

 **Master of the Universe:**  Did I just get the Pepper Potts seal of approval?

 **Red-Headed Woman:** For perhaps the first time in your life.

 **Kid from Brooklyn:** After Triskelion, I’m hesitant to get involved in anything like that, Tony, honestly. They’ll just use me as a figurehead in DC to hide whatever they’re really doing. Also, we have a lead on Bucky. I’m meeting a source in a few hours.

 **Agent Gelato:** Suck it up and take the hit to your pride, Cap. Schmooze the men in suits. I might need Tony’s resources to get Evil Mr. Peanut. He’s got kids he’s experimenting on.

 **Kid from Brooklyn:** I’m afraid we don’t see eye to eye on this, Rumlow. [Kid from Brooklyn has left this conversation]

 **Agent Gelato:** Did he just last name me again and take his toys and go home?

 **Agent Buff Arms:** After y’all were getting on so well at Christmas.

 **Agent Gelato:** Oh, no. What if he doesn’t make me any more paintings? Whatever shall I do?

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **Behave, you two. And Brock, no more hiding from Stephen in the vents with Clint when your lessons get difficult.

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **He’s started lingering around my lab when he can’t find you. His staring is even starting to unnerve Bruce.

  
  
***

Steve and Sam were somewhere in Romania when Steve got an anonymous tip about Bucky’s whereabouts that told him to come alone. He left Sam at their hotel and went to the rendezvous point at a cafe. No one was there. But there was a perfectly square, thin package, carefully labeled in a neat hand.

 

_Captain Steven Grant Rogers._

 

It was too small to conceivably be a bomb and when Steve touched it, he realized it was some sort of CD or DVD. Perhaps the tipster had become afraid of the Winter Soldier and decided to leave it behind? He opened the package, confirmed it was what he thought, and took it back to his hotel. Sam was asleep, so Steve didn’t wake him.

Steve never noticed the inconspicuous man standing out on the sidewalk, watching him leave the cafe with the envelope tucked under his arm. Helmut Zemo smiled to himself. It was a wonderful thing to watch a plan set in motion. He’d always enjoyed the moment before his tactics worked when he’d been a soldier in EKO Scorpion.

 

When Steve opened the files alone, there were Hydra documents about Howard Stark recreating the Super Soldier serum and Hydra’s efforts to obtain it in 1991. They’d sent someone to kill Howard and Maria in a faked car accident because the serum was in the car’s trunk. Steve’s anger turned to cold shock when he clicked the last file, marked with a video extension, not a document one. It was grainy surveillance video of Howard and Maria being murdered. His hand was reaching for his cell phone to call Tony when heard Howard’s stunned, gurgling voice say “Sargeant Barnes?”

Steve never called Tony or woke Sam. Instead, he hid the CD inside the lining of his blue jacket. Natasha had taught him about hidden pockets. What was it Clint was always joking, ‘what Tony didn’t know couldn’t hurt him..?’ He was going to find Bucky. He could carry some secrets alone. Til the end of the line.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch. title/mood inspiration: Bob Dylan's "All Along The Watchtower"
> 
> Thanks for all the lovely comments and feedback. Y'all are fantastic!


	18. When A Woman Gets In Trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I always assume Brock picked "Crossbones" because he's a little bit of a pirate at heart. 
> 
> (Ch. update 2 of 2 for today, 6/9)
> 
> *I own nothing.

At some point over the next few days, Darcy realized that Brock was actively avoiding her. He didn’t seem to want to engage her in conversation. He was always disappearing just as she entered a room. So, she was surprised when she looked up to see Brock storming out of Strange’s lab. She went to Strange.

“Is it not going well?” she asked.

“No,” he said. “It is not. He is trying, but it is difficult, considering the degree of his nerve damage.”

“What chance do you think he has between now and when he’s supposed to leave?” Darcy asked. Brock had more jobs from Hill waiting.

“I’d call it a very slim chance, Miss Lewis,” Strange said. “I am sorry.”

 

With help from Jarvis, she found Brock sitting outside the facility.

 

“Hey,” she said. “You okay?”

“Oh, I’m just peachy, sweetheart,” he said, in an ugly tone that she’d never heard him use before.

“I know things are a little awkward between us, but you can ta--” Darcy began, before he cut her off with a sharp wave.

“Complaint noted,” he said harshly, wiping the sweat off his face with a towel.

“It’s not a complaint, it’s a neutral observation,” Darcy said. “I don’t blame you if you dislike me right now. I don’t love the open hostility, though.”

“Don’t you? I thought you wanted to know the real me, baby. Maybe the real me isn’t nice and patient all the time,” he said. “Maybe he’s an asshole.”

“I don’t think you’re an asshole,” she said softly. “I think you’re hurt. I want to help you.”

“Why is that, sweetheart? You divorced me, remember? Shouldn’t I be able to tell you to fuck off at this point?” he asked.

She flinched. “I did think you were a homicidal Nazi when I filed, people thought you might murder me,” she said quietly.

“You didn’t even come and see me,” he said, his voice low and lethal. “Place a fucking phone call, send a text, acknowledge me at all. I sat in that hospital bed for weeks, just waiting. You never came. Do you know how that felt?”

“No, I don’t,” she said. “Not really.”

“Because, as my friend Smith says, I can’t leave you alone. And can’t even touch you now without worrying that it’ll wreck me, but by all means, continue on with the picture-perfect romance with the Boy Scout and expect me to be okay with it,” he said bitterly.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

“Are you really? Or do you just like the idea of having me twisting in the wind here?” he asked. “Is it nice to think your sad ex-husband is still hung up on you?”

“Okay, you’re an asshole,” she said, her voice rising. “An actual asshole.”

“Yet you won’t leave me alone, either.” He gestured to the sling ring. “What do you want from me, Darcy?” he asked.

“I don’t want anything from you, i want to do something _for_ you. To make up for filing, for leaving you there by yourself,” she said, her voice cracking. “I never wanted to be the kind of person who left people behind.”

“It’s a little late now, sweetheart,” he said bitterly and she began to cry in earnest.

 

There was a sound behind them. Brock turned and saw it was Tony, bouncing back on his heels.

“Jane needs you in the lab, Itty Bitty. Rambo, a word?” Tony said. After Darcy had gone inside--she was trying to hold back her sobs, Brock realized with a stab of guilt, he'd never made her cry before--Tony sat down next to him.

“It’s not her fault,” he said quietly.

“How do you figure that?” Brock said, not bothering to hide his hostility.

“Because I’m the one who got her to go into hiding. We were trying to figure out who’d lived and who’d died--people were missing--and I didn’t just offer, I _asked._ Begged.”

“Since when do you beg?” Brock asked sarcastically.

“I may have told her I couldn’t stand to lose anyone else,” Tony said quietly, looking down. “I lost both my parents in an accident when I was twenty-one. Things were bad between us at the time. More recently, my mentor-slash-father-figure of several decades tried to murder me for money. My girlfriend and I have a complicated on and off thing that involves her spending lots of time as far away from me as you can get and still be technically in the same country. So, now most of my friends are robots.”

“Robots, huh?” Brock said, huffing a little laugh.

“Except for a few people, one of whom is Itty Bitty,” Tony said. “Who runs around making brownies when I’m sad and trying to get me into talk therapy and who would have gone to see you in that hospital, if not for me.”

“You know that?” Brock asked.

“Jane asked her what she wanted to do and she hesitated. I saw it in her face. She wanted to find out if you’d meant any of it. I know. I probably had that same look when I found out Obie tried to have me killed.”

They were silent for a moment.

“I didn’t want her to go into that hospital room and find out for sure you’d never given a damn about her, either. I knew how that felt,” Tony said bitterly. “It feels like shit. You don’t walk away the same. So, if you’re going to blame someone, blame me.”

 

Brock looked at Tony. Tony looked at Brock. Brock sighed.

“If there’s anything I can do for you…” Tony began guiltily.

“Sure, give me nerves and my wife back,” Brock said wryly, twisting the sling ring. “That’s all I want. A medical miracle and to still be married. Just the impossible.”

“I might have read something about a medical miracle recently,” Tony said, tapping his foot. “Jarvis,” he yelled to the sensors in the nearest building wall. “What was the name of that doctor with the creche? Cho?”

“I believe you mean Dr. Helen Cho’s Cradle, sir,” the AI said.

“Get her on the next plane, please,” Tony said.

“Yes, sir, what should I offer her?” the AI asked.

“Whatever she wants,” Tony said. Brock looked at him incredulously. “What, Rambo? You wanna be married again, work on your nerve problem. You’re depressed, yes?” Tony asked.

“It is a damper on the love life,” Brock said in a dry voice, “considering I can’t touch her without worrying about pain. So, I’m afraid to try.”

 

Tony looked at him for a long second and then waggled his eyebrows. “Has it not occurred to you that I could have made you some intimacy-friendly tech? Gloves? Or that you can still eat just fine?” he asked, standing up. “I’ll let you know when Cho gets here,” Tony called as he left.

To himself, Tony muttered:  “Why does no one think to ask me for help? I’m Iron Man, for God’s sake.”

“Fuck,” Brock said out loud. “Fuck.” It had not, in fact, occurred to him. Then he stood up and walked inside. “Jarvis, where’s Darcy?” asked.

   
  
***

After a moment, he went to her apartment. She’d never disabled his access code protocols, so he walked in with a wave in front of the scanner. She was sitting on the couch, sobbing. She looked up when he spoke, her eyes red and startled. "Brock?"

“I _am_ an asshole,” he said. “I’m not always patient and supportive and whatever the fuck I was before. That was short term guy, I-might-be-dying-soon guy. He was an ideal version of me. The real me is gonna bite your head off occasionally and be shitty and leave his socks on the floor. But this guy really wants to be in a relationship with you, okay?” he said. “That’s what you can do for me: come back.”

He turned and went to the kitchen.

“We can do this fast or slow,” he said. “I’d love it if you Dear John’d Cap first, but my morality’s pretty flexible. After all, we were married first. Isn’t Rogers Catholic, too? Shouldn’t he think you’re still my wife until one of us is dead? Let no man tear asunder or whatever the hell it is? I don’t particularly care about the technicalities. And it’s not like he’s around.” He snorted. “You know, I got the feeling he disapproved that I kept my job in DC, but he’s sure left you high and dry chasing Barnes, hasn’t he? He goes off for months at a time, but he was pissy that I was a bad husband because I had a four-hour commute?”

She stared at him, stunned by the stream of words. “What are you doing?” she asked finally, as he searched through the drawers.

“Tony gave me an idea,” he said, taking out the fitted kitchen gloves she used with sharp knives and the mandolin. “By the way, your kitchen organization is shit. I wouldn’t have told you that before, but I will now. I bet that drawer always sticks because you put too many utensils in it,” he said. He put the gloves on with a snap.

“Are you going to strangle me?” she asked in a bewildered voice. He huffed out a laugh.

“No, sweetheart,” he said, sitting down next to her. He reached out and wiped away some of her tears with a gloved finger.

“Did it hurt?” she asked, surprised. “I thought you couldn’t.”

“No,” he said. “It didn’t.”

“Oh,” she said. He traced the line of her mouth with a gloved thumb.

“You never answered my implied question,” he said. “I’ll rephrase, sweetheart. We’re having dinner on Wednesday. 8pm. If my access code is revoked when I get here, I’ll take the hint gracefully and go. If not, we’ll discuss the logistics of our relationship. Gives you time to think.”  
  
He grinned at her, stood up, and left.

 

“Jarvis, what the hell just happened?” Darcy said out loud.

 

***

 **Agent Gelato:** One of you needs to tell Rogers I’m stealing back my wife. If you hadn't hidden her in Vanaheim, Iowa, she would still be with me anyway. Stark, I want the tech we talked about. Get it done.

 **Agent Gelato:** It’ll be a burglary, not a robbery. Just so we’re clear.

 **Agent Gelato:** But warn the Boy Scout that a sailor’s just a pirate with a license to operate from the government. I’m not gonna fight fair.

[Agent Gelato has left this conversation]

 **Agent Buff Arms:** WTF? How does he know about Iowa?

 **Master of the Universe:** Uh, this might be my fault…

 **The World’s Most Amazing CEO:** What did you do? You didn’t make him a robot army, did you? Please say no.

 **Red-Headed Woman:** I have a very bad feeling about this situation.

 **One Time Baskin-Robbins Employee of the Month:** This is gonna be awesome. Do you think they’ll fight?

 **Agent Buff Arms:** I got $200 on Gelato. I’ve seen him shoot arrows.

 **Red-Headed Woman:** Why did you teach him to shoot arrows?

 **Agent Buff Arms:** I didn’t. He just has really good aim. With everything.

 **Dr. Stephen Strange, 2010 Physician of the Year, Greater Tri-State Area:** I have possibly let him have too much access to the darker sides of the metaphysical as well. It can backfire.

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **You’re just telling us that now?

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **Also, why did I just see Thor and the Wombats walking by, carrying Peter, and chanting, “Fight! Fight!”?

 **The World’s Most Amazing CEO:** Tony, if you somehow set this in motion, you need to warn Steve. Whatever it is. I have a meeting with the executives from Buenos Aires and I don’t want anyone to be dead when I come back. Okay?

 **Master of the Universe:** Yes, Pep. Love you.

 **Agent Buff Arms:** Ditto.

 **Red-Headed Woman:** Agreed.

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **Yes, boss.

 **Dr. Stephen Strange, 2010 Physician of the Year, Greater Tri-State Area:** What are we all agreeing to?

 **One Time Baskin-Robbins Employee of the Month:** That’s Pepper Potts. You say yes to whatever she tells you to do.

 **The World’s Most Amazing CEO:** Hope has taught you well, Scott. You know I mentored her at Stanford?

 **Master of the Universe:** That’s why she kicked me under the table at that gala last year. I knew she knew me!

 **The World’s Most Amazing CEO:** Tony, she kicked you because her father had a mini-feud with your father. Don’t you read any of the memos?

 **Master of the Universe:** In my defense, it’s hard to keep track of all Dad’s feuds. Did he sleep with her mother?

 **One Time Baskin-Robbins Employee of the Month:** I feel like Hank would have mentioned that.

 **Master of the Universe:** You’d be surprised.

 **Red-Headed Woman:** According to my research, Howard slept with approximately 76% of his friends’ and business associates’ wives.

 **Master of the Universe:** He’d call me a monk.

 **Agent Buff Arms:** 76%? Damn.

 **Red-Headed Woman:** The CIA kept a file on everyone he slept with. They were concerned about communist infiltration into Stark Industries. When I asked my contact for the files, she had to bring them on a hand truck. It was impressive.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch. title/mood inspiration: Crooked Still's cover of "Come On In My Kitchen" or the Robert Johnson original
> 
> I have no idea why or how this chapter happened, it just did, like automatic writing. I had to practically force myself to go back and write the relatively sedate chapter I'd planned on Sokovia, so the narrative would make more sense later. After I wrestled back control of my fingers and yelled "WTH, Brock!" a few times.


	19. I'll Never Whistle At Another Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Darcy gets a phone call.
> 
> Ch. update 1 of 2 for 6/10 am
> 
> *I own nothing!

She sat there for several moments, trying to understand: _Brock wanted her back. He wanted her to come back to him. All this time, she’d half-assumed that he’d pretended stronger feelings than he’d really had as a part of the cover, especially after he’d made no effort to get them back together. He’d told her to stay with Steve..._

 

Darcy’s phone rang while she was still sitting on the couch. “Jane?” she asked, expecting it to be her wondering where Darcy had disappeared to in the middle of the afternoon.

“Darce,” Steve said, sighing with irritation, “just what is going on?”

“Umm,” Darcy said. Intelligently. She was still trying to form a sentence when Steve kept talking.

“I can’t believe I need to come back and hand Rumlow his ass for coming on to you in the middle of this,” he said acidly. “I’m looking for Bucky, everyone wants me to go schmooze on Capitol Hill, but I also need to come back and tell him to leave my girl alone?” His tone was sharp.

Darcy flinched. This was the second time someone who claimed to love her had made her flinch today, actually. She was feeling a little sensitive and she hadn’t expected Steve to take that tone with her. She’d thought he would be comforting and sweet when he heard about it. Instead, he was using a voice she hadn’t heard him use in a while.

“Technically,” she said in a cool voice, “you don’t need to come back. I’m perfectly capable of turning him down politely and handling this on my own. I sort of thought you’d realized that when I helped Tony evacuate SI, warn the president about Project Insight, and make sure Jane was safe from _inside several safehouses_ and then tased a former Navy SEAL to get back to Jane. I’m physically safe. No one actually needs Captain America to _harm_ my ex-husband. My ex-husband who has sustained severe burn injuries and might not be in the best place emotionally right now.”

“Darce,” he began, “that’s not--,” before she continued.

“I’ve certainly never asked you to leave Bucky behind. I’ve encouraged you to keep looking at every step,” she said. “Shit, Steve, I thought I was the one supporting _you_ here, sending you care packages and all the info we could find about Bucky while you were gone. But it sounds like you think that emotionally supporting me through this weird situation I’m in with my ex-husband is just too much for you?”

 

There was a long silent pause. For a second, Darcy thought they’d been cut off.

 

“I know how he is, Darce,” Steve said, a weird tight note in his voice. "Everything's going wrong. This is how it starts. It's already started."

“What does that mean?” she asked, genuinely perplexed. "Steve?"

“He won’t quit pursuing you,” Steve said hotly. “He used all that information he got with SHIELD to beguile you. Had you not knowing your own mind. That’s how he tricked you into marrying him. If I stay here looking for Bucky, Nat’ll call me one day to say he’s talked you into eloping with him again, I know it. If I stop looking for Bucky, then something else will go wrong and I'll never....”

“Steve, how can you say I don’t know my own mind?” Darcy interrupted incredulously. “Do you not trust me?”

“It’s not you, Darce,” Steve said bitterly. “It’s him. Him and the world and everyone else.”

  
***

 

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Jane, Mayday. Severe Protocol 16. I’m headed down to the lab now. Someone get me a push pop.

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: Uh-oh. **What kind of boyfriend problems can you be having with Steve in Hungary?

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Technically, it’s Romania. But major problems. Brock just told me he wants me back.

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **I KNOW. He sent a group message about it.

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **Honestly, it was kind of hot?

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **I wish Thor would tell Odin off like that.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Gee, thanks everyone, for telling me before y’all told Steve. Steve!

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Steve is now having a mondo freakout.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** JANE. Not helping. 

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** He pointed out that Steve was all pissy about us living apart, but is perfectly okay leaving me for months?

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Now Steve is saying he _has_ to come back or Brock will have me--and I quote--”not knowing my own mind again” with his beguiling Casanova ways. He thinks Brock will have me off to Gretna Green like in a Jane Austen. Steve seems really paranoid. I think chasing Bucky has done something to him, Jane. He doesn't act right.

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **That’s incredibly shitty of Steve. You know your own mind. 

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **I remember what you were like with Brock. Until the Hydra thing, you were a pretty willing participant in the beguiling. Steve should remember the sex noises, we all know he heard 'em. Tony thought the hallway sex thing made you a real Stark. He joked about adopting you afterwards.

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **Brock might have a touch of Wickham though. Or Willoughby. Didn’t Willoughby really love Marianne at the end?

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Yes, he did love her. Tony wanted to adopt me?

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **And Steve is old and formal like Col. Brandon!

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Jane. JANE. Focus, Jane. 

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **Yeah, he did, but Pepper told him your mom might be hurt, so he tabled it. I should probably warn you that Tony is making Brock sex gear so he can touch you again.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Oh God. He touched my face with kitchen gloves.

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **OOoooooh. How did it feel?

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Weirdly erotic. It was mostly the smolder he was giving me at the time.

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **You’re so gonna fall for him if he starts smoldering and quoting Paul Newman at you again. I’ll tell Tony gloves are a go.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Jane, what has gotten into you?

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Don’t you dare mention Paul Newman or remind Brock that it’s my kryptonite.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** What even is my life?

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **Come down to the lab. We’ll do a pros/cons list. It always helps when I think about opening a portal.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Jane, you always open the portals. You never pay any attention to my cons list.

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **[shirtless Paul Newman gif]

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** What has gotten into you?! JANEY?

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: ** I wasn’t going to say anything if you were happy, but the more I get to know Brock, the more I think he’s your weirdo soulmate. You both have the taser thing, you’re both funny, he shares your interests. I caught him watching _Girl Happy_ the other day. _GIRL. HAPPY._

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Oh em gee, that’s why he was humming “Wolf Call” and whistling to himself yesterday? I love it when Elvis sings that song.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** I really didn’t think he wanted me back. I thought he was giving me the brush off after the rug kidnapping thing.

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **That reminds me. There is one other thing.

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **One day, I’m going to kill Asshat Strange. I think Brock will help me hide the body. I have my doubts about Steve.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch title/song inspiration: Elvis Presley's "Wolf Call"
> 
> *thanks for all the support! Y'all are awesome!


	20. My Love, You Have Left Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve? Hello?
> 
> (ch. update 2 of 2 for 6/10)
> 
> *I own nothing

The next several days were a blur of activity. The Bartons went back to Iowa for a while and Pepper went back to the West Coast as well. Darcy and Steve had several bizarre, strained phone calls--Steve was monosyllabic and short--until Darcy broke down when he stopped actually speaking to her and begged for reinforcements and assistance with him.

 

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Will everyone please reach out to Steve for me? I’m very concerned. He’s stopped answering when I call him; Sam says they’re both okay, but he thinks Steve is on the edge of a nervous breakdown. Won’t really talk to him, either. He literally doesn't answer me anymore.

 **Master of the Universe:** Hmm. I thought he was out of range. He hasn’t responded to any of my jokes lately. Even the one about the guy claiming to be his illegitimate kid.

 **The World’s Most Amazing CEO:** Oh, no. I was really hoping Steve would want to attend this international conference about the tentative Sokovia legislation in Vienna. I’m sending SI’s political think-tank team, but I wanted an Avenger, too. The King of Wakanda specifically asked to meet him. Something about his shield having cultural ties to Wakanda and that he’d always wanted to meet Steve?

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Oh, damn, that’s *major.* Coming from the King T’Chaka, that’s practically a marriage proposal. I’m afraid Steve will insult him inadvertently if he’s not in a good mood.

 **Agent Buff Arms:**?

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Wakanda’s famously isolationist and proud of their heritage as one of the few countries in Africa, Asia, or the Middle East never to be colonized by Europeans, Clint. You ask King T’Chaka to grace you with _his_ presence, not the other way around.

 **Master of the Universe:** I’ve heard stories that my Dad thought the vibranium for Cap’s shield was smuggled out of Wakanda, but wouldn’t they be selling it if that was true?

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** I have no idea. They won’t even let grad students in! If your dad was involved in smuggling things out of Wakanda, though, you can’t be the one we send.

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **Would he like to meet Thor? Thor can be polite. If I explain to him that it’s necessary. Don’t royals like other royals more than real people?

 **Red-Headed Woman:** I will go, I think. Then I can see Steve and Sam afterwards.

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **That is the best idea.

 **The World’s Most Amazing CEO:** I agree.

 **World's Okayest Assistant:**  Please let me know the minute anyone hears from Steve?

 

No one did.

 

***

Then Tony-- and Darcy--reluctantly said goodbye to their other holiday guests. First to go was Stephen Strange, to Jane’s utter delight, when Brock explained he thought the magic was too difficult for him. Strange had smiled in a way that made Darcy think the physician was actually sad for Brock and then departed into one his shining portals with a last look at her that she found indecipherable. Jane had nearly hugged Brock and publicly declared herself firmly on Team Gelato. She would not stop nagging Darcy about a pros and cons list. Darcy was sure the cons would all be in the Steve column now. It was Portalgate 2013 all over again.  

 

Second to leave was Peter Parker. His aunt May came to pick him up and was promptly swooned over by Scott and all three of the Wombats. Darcy watched, laughing, as they tried to pick her up.

“I’m an engineer, you know, I have a master’s degree,” Scott offered first. “I like dogs and I can fix, well, just about anything. I don’t just get really tiny.”

“That’s nice,” May said, smiling. Darcy thought Scott might have a chance, especially if she or Nat forwarded that shirtless photo they’d taken of him at Tony’s indoor pool party. Nobody realized Ant Man was that fit.

“I am computer expert from Russia,” Kurt said, staring at her intently. “I am also weekend Elvis impersonator on the northern California circuit.” May looked distinctly less impressed then.

“That’s true, he’s pretty good,” Brock whispered, sliding up to Darcy. “He did “Burning Love” for us in the common room while you and Jane were on a Science! Bender, sweetheart.”

“I regret that I missed that,” Darcy said, trying not to meet Brock’s gaze. The last several days, he’d been hanging around and smoldering at her. She thought Jane might have given him some sort of Darcy tracker. It would not behoove her to maintain intense eye contact with the man if she didn’t want to fall into bed with him and some of Tony’s sex gadgets. She was starting to sweat whenever she realized he was watching her now. Their appointment was only 48 hours away. There were certain things Darcy wanted to say to him, but she couldn’t do it if he had her all sex-stracted. Boink-wildered? There really needed to be a term for people who weaponized their sex appeal to try and confuse you like he’d been doing. She was still Steve Rogers' best girl, dammit. Wasn't she? Or was this his way of breaking up with her? Steve was in a bad place and she couldn't reach him. She was half-tempted to hot wire a quinjet and have a serious talk with that man, too. Or join a convent. A convent would be free of sexy smoldering  _and_ Steve's Disappointed Face. 

 

When Darcy refocused, Luis had launched into a complicated story that began with him saying, “Damn Petey, your aunt is finer than J. Lo,” and included references to “Love Don’t Cost a Thing,” his pecan waffle recipe, salsa dancing, and seeing the next Ben Affleck movie, if May was interested. At that point, Darcy extracted May and Peter and led them out to the quinjet. Tony hugged both of them. Everyone came out to wave goodbye.

 

That evening, after the quinjet returned from the city, they sent Scott and the Three Wombats home to California, too. Darcy hugged all of them and made Scott promise to send photos of Cassie’s Christmas in January; they’d finished the World’s Ugliest Robot. It was adorably ghastly. “Come back soon, guys,” she said. “I want to see Kurt’s Elvis routine.”

“I am working on "Heart of Rome," as Rumlow suggested,” Kurt said. “It will set me apart on the circuit.”

To Scott, she whispered, “Nat’s trying to set you up with May, dude.”

“Holy shit. Really?” he asked.

“Uh-huh,” she said.

“That’s awesome,” he said.

“I’ll keep you posted.”

 

Tony stood with his arm around Darcy as the plane rose in the sky. Luis waved down at everyone from the window. “I’m going to miss them,” Darcy said.

“I’ll miss Nat’s Samantha impression whenever Luis is around,” Tony said. “Funniest thing I’ve seen since Rumlow shot Clint with that arrow on Christmas Day.”

“Do you think Clint would let us call him Durwood?” Darcy asked curiously.

“Let’s find out,” he said pulling out his Stark phone. "Hey, Clint?” Tony said a moment later. “You ever see _Bewitched?_ ”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch. title/mood inspiration: Elvis Presley's "Indescribably Blue"
> 
>  
> 
> *thanks for all your comments and kudos!


	21. Darling, I've Been Waiting To Meet You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Thin Man is a really great movie, she says, making an elaborate callback to Darcy & Brock's first scene in "As Is."
> 
> (update 1 of 3 for this afternoon, 6/10)

**World’s Okayest Assistant:** Nat, have you seen Steve yet?

**Red-Headed Woman:** No. I have only just landed in London. He is meeting me here.

**World’s Okayest Assistant:** This is hella awkward--I’m so so so sorry to ask you--but can you do something for me?

**Red-Headed Woman:** What is wrong, milaya?

**World’s Okayest Assistant:** I need you to ask Steve if he’s breaking up with me. We haven’t spoken in days. He won’t answer the phone.

**World’s Okayest Assistant:** Sam takes my calls and I can  _ hear  _ Steve talking to him, but Steve won’t talk to me. 

**World’s Okayest Assistant:** Once I overheard him tell Sam he didn’t want to talk to me. WTF?

**Red-Headed Woman:** I will talk to him.

**World’s Okayest Assistant:** I call and call. I text and he never replies. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do? Does he really want me to leave him alone? For how long? 

 

  
Thirty minutes later, her phone rang.

“Hello?” Darcy said.   


“Oh, milaya,” Nat said softly. 

“Have you seen Steve?” Darcy asked.

“Yes. I am sorry, milaya, but he not longer wishes to be in a relationship with you at present. He says he hopes that you can remain friends...”    
  


***

**Red-Headed Woman:** He has ended things with her. He will not speak to her himself, so I have passed the message. She is sending back his gifts via the quinjet now.

**Master of the Universe:** That fucker. I really didn’t think he would do it. On my way to the landing pad ASAP. 

**The World’s Most Amazing CEO:** I didn’t even know Steve was physically capable of ghosting on someone like that.

**Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: ** WHAT?

**Agent Buff Arms:** Holy shit.

**One Time Baskin-Robbins Employee of the Month:** Who knew Captain America was such an asshole? 

**Agent Gelato:** I knew.

 

***  
  


Nat apologized to Darcy for several minutes. It was the saddest she’d ever heard the normally-stoic Russian sound. Then Darcy packed up all Steve’s gifts--her paintings and the Sonas necklace she’d been wearing everyday--and had them placed on the quinjet to be returned to Steve. Nat would retrieve everything when the quinjet came to pick her up after the preliminary meetings and pass the items to Steve. Darcy had enclosed a letter for Steve acknowledging the message she’d received from Natasha and telling him how sorry she was that it was over. She watched from the landing pad as it departed for Europe. Tony came out and put his arms around her.

  
“He’s making the biggest mistake of his life, Itty Bitty,” Tony said softly. “I have no fucking idea what’s going with him. He won’t talk to me, either.”

“Well, I guess we’re the odd brunettes out again,” Darcy said through her tears.

“We’ll have to stick together,” Tony said, steering her gently back inside. “Hey, I heard from Jane that you know about the adoption thing? We can still do that, you know. I’ll pay off your student loans from Culver and you can come for Christmas every year?”

“Tony, my mom might be a little sad,” Darcy said, chuckling wetly.

“She has the other daughter, right? I could pay off both your student loans…..”

  
  


When they got back into the residential quarters, Brock was waiting by her apartment door, along with Jane and Thor. They all hugged her, even Brock; she felt him repress a little twitch when he squeezed her tightly.

“Oh God, I hurt you,” she said, trying to pull back.

“I think I’ll live,” he said tenderly, not letting her go.

 

*******

 

There was a somber mood in the compound as they ate dinner. Even Thor seemed down and Tony vetoed alcohol as too depressing to add onto their current situation, sounding entirely unlike himself. When he walked away for a minute, Darcy was shocked to hear Tony quietly instructing Jarvis to close up Cap’s rooms for the foreseeable future. 

“Is he not coming back at all?” Jane whispered to Thor. Thor shook his head.

“I do not think the Captain will ever return to being a resident of this facility,” the Asgardian said solemnly. “I do not see it. Earlier, the Captain told Tony that he will not return and Tony began to tell the Captain that his return is unwelcome under present circumstances, in any case. The Lady Natasha’s comments in the language of her ancestors were also quite vivid and lengthy. It was a call of the conference.”

It appeared that Steve was actually breaking up with everyone. What would happen to Steve if it was just him and Sam chasing Bucky without backup, Darcy wondered, shocked. Unbidden, Darcy thought about her semesters of depression at Culver and how she’d retreated into herself. Was Steve depressed about Bucky and cutting himself off from the world? She hoped Sam could help and protect him. A depressed man chasing the Winter Soldier could be a man chasing his own end.

  
“Hey, it’s going to be okay,” Brock said to her suddenly. 

“I hope so,” she said. Then she asked for a minute alone with Tony.

 

“What’s up, Itty Bitty?” Tony asked her nervously, once they were in the other room.

“This is going to sound crazy, but when you can, will you send a therapist to Steve?” she asked.

“You want me to send a therapist to the man who just broke up with you? And the rest of us, pretty much?” Tony said, incredulous. His eyebrows were at his hairline.

“Tony, I think something’s wrong with Steve. Psychologically. He was really paranoid on the phone and he’s chasing Bucky and…” she trailed off.

“Oh, Darcy, honey,” Tony said, hugging her. “He’s got Sam with him. Don’t torture yourself this way. He’ll be fine.” 

“You think so?” she asked.

Tony looked at her sadly.

“Itty Bitty, I don’t think there’s an explanation you can look for that will fix this and make Steve not responsible for his actions,” he said.

  
  


***

Brock crashed on her couch that night, so she’d have company if she woke up alone and got upset. He started crashing on her couch as a regular thing that week. They watched movies--she finally got him to watch  _ The Thin Man _ \--and talking about when Helen Cho would arrive. Tony was wooing the doctor intensely, but she was hesitant to let her Cradle near a Stark. If she helped Brock with his pain, he’d call in the team and go get Strucker. He might go anyway; Darcy heard him over the phone, discussing things with Smith. 

One night he reached over and ran his thumb over her arm absently. She stared at him. 

“Doesn’t that hurt?” she asked.

“Not too much when I do it this lightly,” he said. “My skin doesn’t feel that great, though, does it?”

“It doesn’t feel bad,” she said truthfully. When he scoffed, she thought about it for a minute. “There’s a slickness and a toughness that’s different from how you used to feel, yes, but it’s not unpleasant,” she said. She took his palm in her hands and ran her fingers over it as lightly as she could.

  
He was looking at her intently now. 

 

“it almost feels like when you run your hand over leather bound books,” she said finally, feeling out the metaphor. “Or some handbags. The ones that are a little more old-fashioned and slick.”

He quirked an eyebrow at her. “Are you saying I feel like the Queen’s handbag?” he asked.

“I said book first!” she said back, slightly panicking that she’d hurt his feelings. “It doesn’t feel bad, really.”

 

He kept his hand on her arm all during the movie. She did feel something when he made little circles with his thumb on her forearm again, but she was fairly sure no one had ever felt that sexually attracted to leather-bound books. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch. title/mood inspiration: Lana Del Rey's "Bel Air"
> 
> *thank you for all the feedback and comments. Y'all are great!


	22. Soft Ice Cream (Reprise)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peggy Carter, self-rescuing princess. 
> 
> Ch. update 2 of 3 for this afternoon, 6/10)
> 
> *We're earning our M-rating a little bit with the final section separated by an asterisk, so skip if that's not your thing. Just imagine lovesceneblahblah.

The next day, they found out Peggy Carter had died. Nat told them she was staying in London with Steve for the funeral. 

 **Master of the Universe:** I’m sorry, Cap. I just heard about Aunt Peggy. You want me to fly to London for that service, so you won’t be alone? We’re organizing a New York one for all her American friends.

 **Kid from Brooklyn:** No, Nat’s with me.

 **Master of the Universe:** Are you sure we can’t do anything for you? I could send somebody. You shouldn’t handle all this yourself.

(five minutes later)

 **Master of the Universe:** Steve?

 

***

They ran photos of Peggy in the newspaper and online; she sounded really badass, Darcy thought, as she read an obituary. “She was a real self-rescuing princess,” Darcy said aloud to Jane. She’d been reading her the craziest of the Peggy and Howard stories in the media.

“Jarvis was a real person?” Bruce asked, reading over her shoulder. He’d swung by for Science! And push pops.

“Uh-huh, he practically raised Tony,” Darcy said. With a pang, she realized the reason Tony had chosen the AI’s name was laced with sadness. Did it make Tony feel better to still have a Jarvis to talk to? She certainly liked talking to the AI; they’d spent five minutes that morning brainstorming good tactile metaphors for the texture of Brock’s skin. Her Jarvis seemed to find Darcy’s focus on The Queen’s Handbag Mistake somewhat amusing.

 

“She kind of looks like you,” Jane said suddenly, refocusing Darcy’s attention on her laptop screen.

“Peggy Carter?” Darcy asked. “I don’t see it.”

“I do,” Bruce said. “Brunette, feminine, likes red lipstick?”

“I have never been that put together a day in my life,” Darcy said. “I’m pretty sure you have to be British for your shirts to stay that crisp and wrinkle-free. Look at Strange.”

Jane pulled a face.

“What? He has that same thing. Whatever it is, they don’t make it in America,” Darcy said.

“Just England,” Bruce said, patting his rumpled hair self-consciously. Darcy smiled at him.

“And France,” Jane said. “French woman at science conferences wear four inch heels.”

“Don’t worry. We like your general air of handsome dishevelment, Brucie,” Darcy said. “It’s really cute.”

He smiled back and actually blushed. It made Darcy’s whole day. That and the photos Scott sent them of Cassie’s January Christmas.

To herself, Darcy wondered if Steve’s many, many issues with her had to do with not being entirely over totally awesome badass SHIELD lady Peggy Carter. Peggy seemed like the kind of person you could be in love with for a long time. And it hadn’t really been that long for Steve, had it?

 

***

Brock fell asleep while they were watching a movie that night, so she let him rest and snuck off to her own room. But she couldn’t sleep. She got up and crept out of her bedroom in her pajamas.

“Sweetheart, where you going?” Brock said softly from his spot on the couch.

“I’m craving something sweet, so I’m Viking raiding the common area kitchen for your sister’s gelato,” she said. “Want to join me?”

Since they’d become friendly, Tony had a standing order at Teri’s gelato shop for the facility.

“I like a good Viking raid,” he said, grinning.

 

He helped her carry the containers back to her own kitchen.

 

They were sitting on the counter, eating gelato straight out of the carton, when she caught him smoldering at her again. “What? You cannot possibly find me sexy right now,” she said. “I look like a mess, I’m in an old t-shirt.”

“I bet you taste good,” he said in a low voice. “You wanna see how much fun eating gelato in bed is?”

“I thought..?” she asked.

“Limitations force you to be creative,” he said, taking her carton of pistachio.

“Hey,” she said.

“Come take it back,” he said.

***

 

He kept all his clothes on and produced a pair of gloves from a back pocket, but he was surprisingly dexterous as he peeled off her clothes.

“How does this work?” she asked softly, as he circled one of her nipples with a gloved finger. “Oh, that feels good,” she said. He grinned.

“Lay back. I can’t be on top of you or underneath you until I can lessen the nerve reaction to pressure from body weight,” he said seriously. “Skin to skin contact without weight bearing ought to be only uncomfortable—maybe less than uncomfortable—with a barrier equivalent of these gloves, but I haven’t tested it yet.” He climbed into the bed next her, a few inches away.

When she accidentally made a sad face—she’d been trying for nonjudgmental—he chuckled wryly. “It is a damn shame,” he said. “I know how much you liked using my back as a mattress, babe.” He ran his gloved fingers down her belly. It made her have goosebumps and arch in his direction. He smiled.

“But I can still touch you in these and my mouth works just fine,” he said. “So, we shouldn’t let this gelato go to waste,” he said, kissing her and feeding her a spoonful. Then he he dropped another spoonful on her nipple and licked it off. Very slowly.

It was harder to keep her body still as he ran his cold tongue from her clavicle down her belly. And she really didn’t expect the whole elbow sucking thing to feel that good, either. By the time he’d run out of ice cream, she was all melted.

“Sweetheart,” he said, gently releasing her arm down onto the bed, “I think those need to go.” He peeled her underwear off and parted her knees with a half-smile.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch. title/mood inspiration? Lana Del Rey's "Salvatore" again, of course.
> 
> *All the comments on this have been so great! Thanks.


	23. I Can Feel The Soil Falling Over My Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Walk of Shame analysis. More Where's Steve?
> 
> (ch. update 3 of 3 for 6/10)
> 
> *I own nothing.

When she woke up the next morning, he’d already gone. On her nightstand, he’d left a note:

_Sweetheart,_

_Ask nicely and we can do that every night._

 

There was a text message waiting on her phone from Jane, too: 

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **Thor just saw Brock leaving your apartment. Thor said he looked ‘remarkably in good spirits,’ snagged one of his S’mores Pop-Tarts, and then went to conference call his team? That was the walk of shame, wasn’t it?

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Yes? Is it still the walk of shame when you used to be married to someone? IDK.

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **I think it still applies? Maybe we should ask Tony? I feel like Tony might know. Thor says he did not look remotely ashamed.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Tony knows.

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **Hold on.

 

**[5 minutes later]**

**Master of the Universe:** I do know! WOS still applies. Congrats on shagging Rambo, Itty Bitty.

 **Master of the Universe:** I’ve got some stuff in the works for you. Should be ready by Valentine’s Day [wink emoji]

 **Agent Gelato:** Thanks Tony.

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **Thor says someone ate all the gelato last night?

 **Red-Headed Woman:** Which flavors?

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **Pistachio.

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **Darcy’s favorite.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** I plead the fifth.

 **Agent Buff Arms:** Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

 **One Time Baskin-Robbins Employee of the Month:** That’s classy, Darce. I’ve only had food sex with bubblegum. Way less fun than you’d think.

 **Red-Headed Woman:** Please do not tell me you had sex in the Baskin-Robbins?

 **One Time Baskin-Robbins Employee of the Month:** I almost choked on one of the bubblegum chunks when my manager caught us.

 **Agent Buff Arms:** Total health code violation, my man. [high five emoji]

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Did May call you?

 **One Time Baskin-Robbins Employee of the Month:** Yeah! Did you know she likes the Bangles, too? Pretty awesome. I was thinking she might like to see them in concert sometime? The logistics, though…..

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** You think it would be easier for her to come to you or vice versa?

 

 **Master of the Universe:** You can borrow my jet. Jarvis says they’ll be in California at a weekend festival in a week and a half, tell her we’ll fly her out. I’ve got your tickets already. Good seats. She won’t have to miss work. California weather is more romantic in January, trust me.

 

**[5 minutes later]**

 

 **One Time Baskin-Robbins Employee of the Month:** She said yes! Tony, I owe you one, man.

 **Master of the Universe:** Just ask before you try to steal my stuff, Tiny Tim. And be nice to my Spider kid.

 **Red-Headed Woman:** I am happy to see everyone so happy. Now, let us discuss this legislation.

 **Master of the Universe:** Can’t someone send me a summary? I want to go tease Rambo about rocking Itty Bitty’s world….

 **Agent Gelato:** I did rock her world, just so we’re clear.

 **The World’s Most Amazing CEO:** Tony, no. We really need to discuss this initiative. My team says it feels like someone is pushing for this quickly.

 **Red-Headed Woman:** I believe it is Ross.

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **The ex-general?

 **Red-Headed Woman:** Yes.

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **Did you know Bruce used to date his daughter? They had a bad breakup because of her dad, I think. Whenever I see her at conferences, she always asks how he is.

 **Agent Buff Arms:** No shit. You think she’d talk to us?

 **Red-Headed Woman:** Jane, will you approach her?

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **Yes.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Brock, where’d you go? Jarvis can’t find you.

 **Master of the Universe:** What the hell was that?

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **Brock snuck up behind Darcy and she screamed. He’s chasing her around Strange’s old lab area now. Very slowly. With his gloves on.

 **Agent Buff Arms:** Gloves? He gonna murder somebody or run an experiment?

 **One Time Baskin-Robbins Employee of the Month:** They’re sex gloves. I helped Tony with the specs.

 **Agent Buff Arms:** Aww, man, how come nobody makes me sex gloves? I’ve been married for twelve years. Gotta keep the spark alive.

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **Oooh, the lab glass just went all clouded.

 **Master of the Universe:** Cameras are out there, too. How did he do that?

 **Red-Headed Woman:** It is not impossible he learned something from Strange.

 **Red-Headed Woman:** Now, returning to our topic at hand, this legislation has several components at present. I am including a detailed memo. [attachment]

 **Agent Buff Arms:** *at hand* [snicker emoji]

 **The World’s Most Amazing CEO:** People, let’s focus.

***  


Somewhere in Europe, Steve was sitting in a restaurant bar, waiting for something. He wasn’t sure anymore. The idea of going back and pretending everything was normal made him sick. He couldn’t lie to Tony’s face about Howard and Maria. He couldn’t laugh and joke with Darcy while he lied to Tony.

So, he’d let his best girl go. For the second time. It felt like being underwater again. Freezing in slow motion. He swore the CD in his jacket moved in time with his heartbeat.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch. title/mood inspiration: Jeff Buckley's "I Know It's Over." 
> 
> OMG, this song, y'all. The line about the sea? MY. HEART. IS. BREAKING. FOR. STEVE. RIGHT. NOW.
> 
> *thanks for all your comments and kudos.


	24. My Heart's Not Made of Plastic (You're the Reason I'm Sarcastic)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had the most fun writing the last scene of this chapter.
> 
> *I own nothing

While Nat was in Europe working on the Sokovia stuff, Darcy and Jane returned to Science! work. Jane had a meeting scheduled with Betty Ross at a conference. Betty had told her that keeping it a secret from her father was paramount. Darcy tentatively broached the subject with Bruce one afternoon. She’d brought him his green tea and a lemon scone.

“Jane might be seeing Betty Ross at this conference, Brucie. Would you like to tag along? Or we could bring something to her from you?” she asked softly.

Bruce sighed and rubbed his face. “I don’t think even a mixtape would make up for what happened between her and me, Darce,” he said.

“Okay, I just wanted you to know she always asks after you,” Darcy said.

“Not when I fell from heaven, I hope?” he joked softly.

“Oh, no, only that she thinks you’re a bank loan,” Darcy said. When he looked perplexed, she said gently, “you’ve got her interest, cutie.”

“Ah,” he said, looking surprised but also a little pleased.

“If you change your mind, I can help you with that mixtape,” Darcy told him as she left.

Darcy thought--hoped, really--Nat was also helping Steve with Bucky, but no one talked about Steve to her anymore. Or around her. She thought maybe Tony had done something. It was like he’d never existed, at least when she was in the room.

Brock was formalizing plans to go after Strucker in Sokovia again, since Tony’s efforts to woo Helen Cho were stalled at the moment. He had a lead on a Hydra fort and Darcy could tell he wanted to hang Strucker’s monocle on his wall, like a hunting trophy. He was a little dark, after all. Thor hadn’t been totally wrong. It had a weird side benefit; Brock took her out the facility’s outdoor range and taught her how to use the really big Chitauri guns, the ones that looked like alien AK-47s. Jane said that she did look like Patty-freaking-Hearst. Brock got her a beret as a joke.

 

***

One night after dinner, Brock announced that he was soliciting some outside help with Strucker. “You say that like it’s something to worry about Rambo?” Tony asked.

“Well, let’s just say I have some acquaintances who maybe aren’t the most sociable, but they could be effective in this situation. I need someone to help me with these kids, Pietro and Wanda Maximoff, when we liberate them. They’re gifted. My generally unsociable friend is fairly good with gifted children, worked at school once,” Brock said wryly.

“A schoolteacher? I don’t see how that would be a problem,” Tony said. Darcy noticed, with some alarm, that Thor was grinning. Oh, no. It was probably a school for assassin ninja children.

“I shall accompany your merry band of warriors,” Thor boomed. “I look forward to the heat of battle and the cries of the evildoers!”

“Wouldn’t want you to miss it, pal. Was gonna ask you to tag along,” Brock said.

“Do you need me?” Tony asked, clearly pouting.

“Nah, I thought you could hold down the fort, your suit’s even more noticeable than his hammer,” Brock said.

Tony looked distinctly pouty now.

“Don’t look sad at me,” Brock said. “Thor has diplomatic immunity”--Thor nodded proudly--”so, he gets busted with us, he can waive the Asgard card around and they’ll set him loose. We need you to keep your nose clean as the CEO of the Avengers outfit in advance of this legal situation.”

“Brock hates when you pout, Tony,” Darcy, “it makes him feel bad.”

“Fine, but I don’t like feeling excluded,” Tony said. “My therapist says it’s a trigger.”

Jane and Darcy promptly cornered him on the couch and tickled him until he shrieked that being left out was okay. He was remarkably cheerful when they told him they’d do something special when everyone else was gone. Darcy had a feeling that Tony had always wanted to be invited to a girl’s slumber party, only he’d been too afraid of Howard’s disapproval to let anyone paint his toenails when he was twelve. She’d seen his truly wild shoe collection, after all. That was the shoe collection of a man who might secretly want purple toes. Maybe they could invite little Spidey.

She and Jane went to a corner and whispered plans with Bruce--they wanted him to come, too, the Hulk has spilled his secret love of nail polish and stickers--until Brock left his conversation with Thor and dragged her off to bed.

 

***

 

She’d finally convinced him to let her see what his body looked like now. He was lying in bed next to her as she traced the lines of his scars with the lightest touch she could manage in her own gloves. He insisted he liked the feel of it.

“I’ve missed you touching me more than anything else,” Brock said quietly. “What are you thinking?”

“You’re like the Blue Mosque,” she said softly.

“Say what now?” he asked.

“In Istanbul. I only saw slides in my Islamic art classes, but it’s beautiful. In most Muslim artistic traditions it’s slightly taboo to do human representation--only God makes people--so mosques are decorated with patterns instead. You’re like that,” she said. His scars were pink in the daylight, but they had a faintly blue-purple tinge in the moonlight from her bedroom window.

“I’m patterned?” he asked. “What do mosque patterns look like?” His throat bobbed softly.

“You are,” she said, tracing one line of scars with her finger. “It’s patterned tiles. Sometimes the tiles are like flowers, sometimes they’re vines. But they’re intricate. Complicated. Beautiful.”

He leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead. She caught his battered wedding ring in her hand when it swung towards her.

“You never stopped wearing this?” she asked.

“I couldn’t give it up,” he said. “I wasn’t lying when I said you were all my dreams, sweetheart. Do you think we can get through this? If you can put up with me if Cho doesn’t come through,” he said softly.

“I can’t believe you think sex is our primary problem,” she said, shaking her head.

“It’s not?” he asked, rubbing his jaw and looking at her.

“All you have to do is look at me and I’m half-convinced to have sex with you at work and marry you in Vegas. You were trying to smolder me into infidelity, you ridiculous Sicilian,” she said. “It took all my willpower to resist you.”

“You cold shouldered me,” he said, mock-aggrieved. “You wouldn’t even look at me. I was starting to develop a complex. Thought you didn’t think I was pretty anymore. It wounded me, Darcy Lewis.”

“Shut up, Agent Gelato,” she said. “Our primary problem is communication. Like when you don’t tell me things. Important things.”

“I’ll remember that when I’m shutting up,” he said, chuckling.

 

A little while later--they were laying side by side in the dark--he spoke again:

“We’re raiding a place where Strucker has a bunch of stolen SHIELD things. Loki’s Scepter. Also, these kids he’s been experimenting on with it. That’s why Thor’s coming. He can take the Scepter directly back to Asgard before anyone else takes an interest. I don’t want Tony on board because he likes to play with stuff like that. I’m hoping my friend will be able to help with the kids, but it could be very dangerous. Triskelion-type dangerous. You mad about any of that?”

“Tony will be hurt, but he did draw up those plans for a robot army before Pep and the therapist and I threw a hissy,” Darcy acknowledged. “I’ll tell him carefully. After you’ve left.”

“Thank you,” Brock said, rolling over on his side to face her. “I’m not telling any of this to you to guilt trip you into making any promises if I make it back, by the way.”

“Like what?” she asked.

“Oh, marry me, have my children, just little things,” he said.

“Here I thought that was part of your cover,” she said. “When it turns out you just have an ache for matrimony.”

“Oh, I have an ache, sweetheart. But it’s more for you than anything else,” he said.  He startled her by climbing over her suddenly, his knees on either side of her body. He pinned her hands above her head and interlaced his fingers with hers.

“I didn’t think you could do that,” she said.

“I’m not actually touching anywhere but your hands, baby,” he said, leaning his face down close to hers. “I’ve got gloves on. You’re just very aware of my closeness.”

 

***

 

 **Red-Headed Woman:** How is he? How are you?

 **Wing Over:** He’s not too well.

 **Wing Over:** Won’t talk much. I’m doing my best.

 **Wing Over:** When we aren’t chasing Bucky, he sits and looks at that box of stuff she returned. I don’t think he thought she would do it.

 **Red-Headed Woman:** What did he expect? He would not even speak to her. She could hear Steve talking to you, but he would not acknowledge her communications. I did tell him that she had asked for “how long” he wanted space. He had the option of asking for a window to think; he did not. He ended it himself. I tried to talk to him.

 **Wing Over:** I didn’t know that.

 **Red-Headed Woman:** Perhaps we should talk.

 **Red-Headed Woman:** I will be in Vienna for the Sokovia conference. Would you like to meet me?

 **Wing Over:** Of course. I could use some company.

 **Wing Over:** Rumlow’s already sniffing around, isn’t he? Steve keeps mentioning him.

 **Red-Headed Woman:** Steve played right into his deepest desires. From the moment that Steve broke up with her, Rumlow did not leave her side. He slept on her couch, even. Said he was worried she might be upset at night. He has essentially moved in with her.

 **Wing Over:** Holy shit.

 **Red-Headed Woman:** He is very determined and very clever. Steve was not wrong there. I am sure Rumlow knows that she fears abandonment because of her father, so he made sure to stay close.

 **Wing Over:** I thought her parents were married?

 **Red-Headed Woman:** That is her stepfather. Her biological father left when she was ten and has not spoken to her since. It was in her SHIELD file. The one he made.

 **Red-Headed Woman:** Jane has also mentioned a desire to do bodily injury to her father with Mjolnir on several occasions.

 **Wing Over:** Well, damn.

 **Red-Headed Woman:** She is vulnerable to assuming that she is basically unwanted and will respond with gratitude and surprise to people who give her affection at moments of rejection or loss; she and Tony are very similar that way **.** It is how Stane became the person Tony leaned on. I have no doubt Rumlow was in her bed within days.  
****

**Red-Headed Woman:** I tried to tell Steve that she only needed to see him and talk to him to be reassured that he was not leaving her without a word, but that only seemed to panic him. I do not understand. But I do not think it matters any longer.

 **Wing Over:** So, no chance of Rumlow and her ending things?

 **Red-Headed Woman:** Highly unlikely. You could not remove him should he not wish to be moved.

 

***

The next afternoon, Darcy and Jane were snagging snacks from the communal kitchen and waiting for Brock’s schoolteacher friend to arrive. The rest of his team had come by quinjet that morning and were going to depart for Sokovia tonight. Darcy was shimmying along to Marilyn Monroe’s “Every Baby Needs A Da-Da-Daddy”--she’d been a fun singer, people never seemed to know--when an unfamiliar male voice interrupted her: “Just where is your daddy, baby? I’ve been looking for him.”

Jane shrieked; Darcy jumped. When she turned, an extremely imposing man was leaning against the kitchen doorway, cigar between his teeth. He gave her a feral-looking grin.

“Whoa, Mutton-chop! Way to scare us half to death. Your sideburns would be the envy of many a nineteenth-century president, by the way,” Darcy said.

  
“You must be Darcy; Brock says you’re quippy,” he observed. “Who are you, honey?” he said, giving Jane a frankly interested once-over.

“You’re a schoolteacher?” Jane said incredulously. His trenchcoat was rather shabby, Darcy reflected. He didn’t look like any teacher she’d ever met.

“More of an academic affiliation. It’s a very special school,” he said, grinning at Jane. “I’m gifted man myself. I’d be happy to show you sometime.”

“I wouldn’t try anything too special, pal,” Darcy said. “Dr. Jane Foster is the significant other of Thor. He’ll hit you with his hammer. It’s a big hammer. And then you’ll have to deal with me.”

The man grinned even more broadly. “I’m not scared of a hammer, babe. It might be good for a nail, but you know, you can pry up any nail with a claw,” he said, rubbing his hands. “I might be a little scared of you, though. I’ve heard you’re feisty.”

“Logan,” Darcy heard Brock say with a sigh, “please stop hitting on my wi--ex-wife and her Platonic Lifemate. And for God’s sake, don’t let Tony see you smoking here.”

“Sorry about that,” the man said with a frankly dirty wink at them. He disappeared to towards the sound of Brock’s voice down the hallway.

 

“Was that?” Darcy asked uncertainly.

“Fucking Wolverine,” Jane said.

“Wolverine wants in your pants, Janey,” Darcy squealed.

“I thought no one wanted to hit on me since I turned thirty-two,” Jane said.

“Don’t be ridiculous. Wolverine is just the only one not terrified of Thor. You’re a total babe,” Darcy said. “The whole package.”

“Brock almost slipped and called you his wife,” Jane said.

“I noticed that,” Darcy said.

“Any thoughts?” Jane asked.

“He thinks our primary relationship problem is sexual,” Darcy said. “As in, lack of. Just certain kinds we can’t have at this point.”

Jane snorted. “He practically drags you out of the lab and has his hands down your pants in the hallway every day. Men are so dumb sometimes,” Jane said.

“Has Thor mentioned anything to you about the timing?” Darcy asked seriously. “I know before he thought Brock and I moved too fast.”

“You want me to ask?”

“Yeah,” Darcy said. “He’s still wearing his ring, Jane. Around his neck.”

“That’s his wedding ring?” Jane asked. “It’s black.”

“What was left of it after Triskelion,” Darcy said.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch. title/mood inspiration: Marilyn Monroe's "A Fine Romance"
> 
> *Wing Over= falconry term for flipping over in mid-flight 
> 
> *thanks for all your comments and kudos!


	25. I'm Bound To Lose My Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vienna and Sokovia, the beginning.
> 
> *earning our M-rating with the section that begins "she vetoed..." so skip that asterisk'd section if that's not your thing. I own nothing. Nada!

Nat and Sam were sitting with Steve in a restaurant in Vienna. “I am glad that you came, too, Steve,” Nat said softly. Steve gave her a sad half-smile.

“I can’t sit and look at the Wonder Wheel forever, Nat,” he said. "Sam sort of made me stop."

"I threatened to burn it, actually. He's here under duress," Sam said.

“Do you want to tell me what is going on?” she asked.

“It’s...complicated,” he said.

“I am very patient,” Nat said.

“There might be something in Bucky’s file that..that I just can’t tell people about,” he said. He looked suddenly relieved.

“Howard and Maria?” Nat said quietly.

“How did you know?” he asked.

“Zola's hints were rather curious. And I know how the Winter Soldier worked,” she said. “His arm is a weapon of blunt force trauma. But you can disguise blunt force trauma much more easily than a bullet. Drop a body out a window or from a height.”

"Put it in a crashed car?” Sam asked.

“How did you know?” Steve said, befuddled.

“You talk in your sleep,” Sam said.

***

 

Before they departed, Brock pulled Darcy into her apartment and backed her against a wall, kissing her.

“Doesn’t that hurt?” Darcy asked. He’d pressed himself against her.

“A little,” he said, swallowing. “The tactical gear blunts some of the pain. But it’s worth it, sweetheart. We’ve got an hour and I want to try something.”

The wicked gleam in his eye made her a little nervous. “What?” she asked. He took off his bullet-proof vest in an easy motion.

“Tony’s made us a present,” he said, pulling a strip of foil from his pocket.

“Oh, no. Have you lost your mind? We can’t, we can’t do that,” she said. “Even if those condoms actually work to block pain, every other part of you that touches me will hurt. You’ll be in agony. You’re leaving for Sokovia in an hour and a half.”

“I can rest on the plane,” he said, shrugging. He grinned at her. “It’s a nine hour flight.”

“I cannot let you do that to yourself,” she said.

“I can take the pain,” he said, kissing her. “I want to be inside you again.”

“This is an exceptionally bad idea,” she said.

“Let me have this. You’d deny me this when you know I might die tomorrow?” he asked.

“That is emotional blackmail. You’re blackmailing me into inflicting pain on you,” Darcy said, shaking her head.

“It’s not entirely painful,” he insisted. She gave him a skeptical look.

“Sure,” she said sarcastically.

“It’s about seventy-five, twenty-five percent,” he admitted finally. “I’m chasing the twenty-five percent that still feels like it used to. Let me have this, sweetheart.”  He traced the line of her mouth with his gloved thumb.

“What if it puts you in traction? That would jeopardize the mission,” she said.

“You’re grasping at straws,” he said, grinning. “If I really hurt myself, we push back the schedule by twenty four hours or so. We get to watch Logan hit on Jane and make everyone uncomfortable. It might be a win-win. C’mon, baby. You know a part of you wants to find out if we can.”

“Ahhhhh,” she said in frustration, crossing her arms over her chest. “This is stupid. Deeply stupid.”

“Has no one ever told you that you’re a bit of a know-it-all?” he teased. “We haven’t even tried yet. Trust me.” He started unbuttoning her shirt and she bit her lip.

“Okay, but I want all my objections formally noted,” she said. He laughed.

 

***

 

She vetoed missionary position, on the grounds that there would be too much skin to skin contact. “I want you to know I find this deeply unsatisfactory,” Brock said, peeling off his shirt. “I want to see your face.”

“Keep your clothes on, it might help you not hurt,” Darcy said sternly, turning to look at him behind her as he took off his pants. She was kneeling on the edge of the bed. He’d half-undressed her already and done things with his hands that left her more pliant than she would admit.

“No. You’re very bossy,” he said, unhooking her bra. He’d taken off his gloves and trailed his index finger down her shoulder as he pulled her bra straps down. “Get on your knees,” he whispered. 

She half-expected it to hurt her, too; she was trembling with nervousness as he trailed kisses down her spine. He sensed her anxiety and whispered in her ear: “Relax, baby. I want this, okay? I want you. No matter what.” He held her waist in place gently. “You ready?” he asked.

“Yeah,” she said, trying to calm her fluttering heartbeat. When he was finally inside her, she pressed the side of her face and her arms against the mattress and moaned. She’d missed this. He wasn’t holding back; she could hear him muttering an inchoate string of words that ended with _sogoodbabysogoodsogood_ as he moved inside her _._ He shifted so he was at low angle she’d always liked and she felt dizzy with pleasure.

“That feel good?” he asked hoarsely.

“Mmmh,” she said. A moment later, she shuddered around him. She felt him jerk in response; it must have been painful, too, she realized guiltily.  
  
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he hissed. His grip on his her hips tightened and then his thrusts grew more ragged. He was breathing heavily when he finally collapsed beside her on the bed.

“Damn,” he said grinning. “I missed that.”

“Are you hurt?” she asked. She could see that he was shaking a little, a tremor he couldn’t suppress. “Do you need to rest?”

“No,” he said. “If I stay in this bed, I’ll want to do that again,” he said shakily. “I’m putting clothes on. You, too, sweetheart. Don’t tempt me with that body.” He stood up--still trembling--and threw her shirt at her.

 

***

When she saw the team off on the quinjet later, his shaking had thankfully stopped. He clapped Tony on the shoulder with a gloved hand. “Stark, keep her safe for me,” he said.

“I will,” Tony said.

“No explosions, no kidnappings, none of that. If something happens to her, I will be very upset. I feel obligated to tell you that Pierce had me make a file on Hydra’s best torturer once. I learned a lot. He could keep someone in pain and alive for fourteen straight hours. You didn’t have your eyes or your fingers and toes, but you were still alive. There are ways of cauterizing wounds so you don’t bleed out…” Brock said.

“Stop being all Vader, you’re frightening Tony,” Darcy interrupted him as Tony paled. “He doesn’t mean that, Tony.”

Logan--who’d been busy eyeing Jane as she said goodbye to Thor--snorted. “Sure he doesn’t. Come on, Darth Rumlow,” he said, “we got a plane to catch.”

Brock kissed her tenderly on the forehead and said he’d be back soon. The group disappeared up the ramp. He gave her one last look.

Jane put her arm around Darcy’s shoulder and they watched as the quinjet rose.

“I feel like this is all we do, watch people we care about disappear in those things,” Jane said.

“Seriously,” Darcy said. “I might be getting a complex about the sound of the ramp.”

“What happened to your hair?” Jane asked suddenly.

When Darcy told her, she laughed for five minutes and insisted on telling the whole slumber party. Thank God little Spidey had a science project and couldn’t be there.

 

***

The day after the team left, Tony texted her:

 **Master of the Universe:** You didn’t use those condoms I gave Brock yet, did you?

 **Master of the Universe:** We just found a design flaw a few minutes ago.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Oh, no. He lied about them blocking pain, didn’t he?

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Dammit, I should have known he would.

 **Master of the Universe:** Uh, no, the pain blocking aspects of the design still work.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Oh thank God.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Wait, what’s wrong with them then? Allergic reactions?

 **Master of the Universe:** There’s a small chance they don’t actually prevent pregnancy?

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** What chance?

 **Master of the Universe:** it’s, uh, 50/50

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Tony

 **Master of the Universe:** Design flaws like this are why I had a vasectomy years ago. I’d recommend it, except I really want to leave things to little Tony Rumlow.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Please tell me you didn’t purposefully sabotage my birth control so you could be a godfather?

 

“Tony Rumlow sounds like a really great quarterback,” Bruce said mock-thoughtfully, when she told him and Jane in the lab.

“He and Bruce can play touch football if Bruce ends up being your second husband,” Jane said. “Tony would probably make him a baby suit, too.”

“Science! babies,” Darcy said. “This is not funny. I could be pregnant right now.”

“Brock will be thrilled if you are. He probably wouldn’t mind a son called Elvis Tony,” Jane said.

“Why do I always let him talk me into risky sex?” Darcy said, putting her head on the desk.

“I’m not sure if Paul Newman is your kryptonite anymore,” Jane said. “I think Brock might be. You’ll have to redo that part of your social media bio.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch. title/mood inspiration: Melody Gardot's "Your Heart Is As Black As Night"
> 
> *Thanks for all your comments and support! Y'all are the best!
> 
> Fans of Darcy's friendship with Stephen Strange in this universe, here's a little scene for you of Darcy making pregnancy jokes to him, basically: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14910222/chapters/34536468


	26. Scarred and Bruised, But Our Hearts Will Guide Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is burdened with glorious purpose. Or whatever. 
> 
> (ch. update 1 of 2 on the morning of 6/12)
> 
> *I own nothing.

Strucker’s Hydra fortress was heavily guarded. Normally, that would have been a problem for Thor. But when you were just a black-clad crewmate of Crossbones, they welcomed you in all kinds of new and interesting places.

  
“Agent Rumlow, my colleague, I hear you have embarked upon a second great phase,” Strucker announced. “We were encouraged to hear that one of our most talented had survived the fall of Triskelion. Another of Hydra’s miracles, I think.”

“You flatter me, Baron,” Brock said. “I thought I’d pay you a visit with my new crew.” He gestured to the men behind him with his thumb. “See if there are any resources you’d like my help with, provided we can come to terms of mutual benefit.”

 

Mutual benefit, of course, was the code word for violence. Thor grinned. He liked the pirate Crossbones very much, as it turned out. His darkness was channeled in some very bloody and glorious waters. They were good crewmates now.

 

***

Somewhere in Vienna, Helmut Zemo was framing Bucky Barnes for the impending murder of the King of Wakanda. Steve had no idea. He and Sam were casing apartment blocks, looking for Bucky’s most recent bolthole.

 

Nat was prepping for the conference. A draft version of the new Sokovia Accords was going to be presented and signed by participating nations. Several Avengers had already indicated they were amenable to signing, provided the draft form mirrored the information secretly fed to them by the Black Widow and the Stark Industries political science think-tank. Some of the language had already been softened in advance; Natasha Romanoff had decided she was especially fond of some of Pepper’s think tank employees. They were positively Machiavellian. She had been subsequently informed that the battle for project funding in a graduate program could rival the court of the Medici. Of this, she approved.

 

***

In upstate New York, Jane and Darcy were looking at a pregnancy test on the bathroom sink. It seemed impossibly small and yet scary.

“How long?” Darcy asked.

“Not yet,” Jane said simply. “You're sure you did it right?"

"Yes," Darcy said. "I actually read the instructions and everything."

"What do you want it to be?” she asked, after a moment.

Darcy thought about Brock holding his niece in a gelato shop. She thought about that long look he’d given her as he left. The way Dr. Strange had referred to being pregnant as “should you be so blessed” when she’d seen him recently. It was a nice way of thinking, she’d decided afterwards. Would Brock feel blessed?

 

“Good news, whatever happens,” she said finally.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch. title/mood inspiration: Madonna's "Hold Tight"
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks for all your lovely comments!


	27. I Go Straight To You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Darcy asks; Sokovia happens in an alternative universe.
> 
> (ch. update 2 of 2 for the morning of 6/12)

“Negative,” Jane said. “Not pregnant. Are you relieved? Darce?”

 

***

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** I have a project for you.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Important one.

 **Master of the Universe:** Kinky sex toy?

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Can you make me these? [photo]

 **Master of the Universe:** I can do that.

 **Master of the Universe:** You want them for when he gets back?

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Yes.

 

***

 

They’d taken them mostly by surprise. It helped that they had an Asgardian prince, a Wolverine, and Smith’s excellent marksmanship. When it was all over, Brock reached down and plucked the monocle from Strucker’s now lifeless eye.

“No suicide for you, Mr. Peanut,” he chuckled.

“That supposed to mean somethin’?” Logan asked wryly. He was removing two Hydra guards from where they’d been impaled on his claws.

“Give it a gentle shake,” Thor suggested. “Always works when I get people stuck to Mjolnir.”

 

Brock passed Loki’s Scepter to Thor when they found it. “I’ve got instructions. Phil doesn’t ever want to see this damn thing on Earth again. Put it in your biggest, baddest vault,” he told Thor. A few seconds later, Thor--the Scepter in his mercenary pack--had taken Mjolnir back to Asgard with a crack of lightning and a great whoop of victory. They watched him go from a balcony.

 

“He’s quite special,” Logan said, chomping his cigar.

“Yeah, Lady Jane certainly thinks so,” Rumlow said dryly.

“Fuck you, Rummy,” Logan said, grinning.

“Go find those kids.”

 

He found Wanda and Pietro in cells down in the basement. “We’re here to help you,” Logan said gently, in a softer version of his gruff voice. “Get you out of this hellhole. Name’s Logan.”

“Who will experiment on us when we go with you?” Pietro asked. Their cells were too strong to escape, but he and Wanda had heard the sounds of battle upstairs.

“No one,” Logan said quietly. “I’m gonna take you to a school for kids like you.”

“Kids? We are not children,” Wanda said.

“You’re a little past the matriculation date, but we have a flexible curriculum,” Logan said. “We’ve got teachers that can help you. Read my mind if you don’t believe me.” He tapped his brow.

A moment later, Wanda inhaled sharply. “He is telling the truth,” she said to her brother. “He is one of those X-Men that Strucker talked about.”

“I’ll give you a moment,” Logan said, stepping into the hallway. He started to whistle. As a joke, Rumlow had taught him Elvis’s “Wolf Call” on the quinjet.

 

“Should we go?” Pietro asked.

“I think so, yes,” Wanda said, looking stunned.

“What?” her brother asked.

“We came here for revenge on a Stark and they turned us into bewildering miracles. Now a Stark has sent a team of dangerous people to save us,” Wanda said. “I see his face in their minds. It is another bewildering miracle.”

“My nonna would call it destiny,” a new voice said from the doorway. A very scarred, very frightening-looking man stood there. “Sometimes you get a sign and you think it means one thing and it turns into something completely different.”

 

In his mind, Wanda saw the three-sided Triskelion and a brunette woman’s face.

 

“Not too late to start over,” Logan said behind them.

“Nope,” the scarred man said. He gave them a crooked grin. “Back up, we gotta get these things open. I’m Rumlow, this is my crew.”

  
Logan broke open their cells with his claws and Rumlow and another man helped each of them out over the shards of glass. “Smith, you loaded up all the Chitauri gear?”

“Finishing it up now,” the third man said.

“Wouldn’t do if this looked like a jailbreak and not a robbery,” Logan said at Pietro’s quizzical look.

“Burglary,” Rumlow corrected. “They just let us in the front door.”

 

When they boarded the quinjet, Wanda noticed the man in the Hawaiian shirt in the pilot’s seat. “Hey, have a seat. We got Funyons,” he said. He gave her a shaggy dog smile and tossed her a bag.

“Don’t mind that idiot Monroe,” Logan said. “Old joke. The pilot has the hardest job in the navy. He’s gotta make the boats fly.”

“You just say that because you were Army, you heathen,” the man called Rumlow said.

“I got a great story about stealing the Army mascot,” Monroe said to Pietro.

“You didn’t actually steal the West Point mule,” Logan said.

“He stole my boat,” Rumlow grumbled as they took off.

“Oh yeah, you should all come down to Key West and see it,” Monroe said.

Wanda looked at Rumlow in confusion. “The woman that you think about, she tased him and then gave him money?” she asked. She’d seen in Monroe’s mind.

“We’re still friends,” Monroe said cheerfully.

“Ex-wives,” Logan said with a fond sigh and lit his cigar.

“Something like that,” Rumlow said. Wanda could feel the intensity of his feelings despite his demeanor. His thoughts were deeper than the ocean she could see out the quinjet’s window. If she leaned into them, she could practically float. There was a light he carried, like a paper lantern bobbing on the wine dark sea.

 

On the trip over, she and Pietro decided they weren’t quite ready to meet Tony Stark. Pietro had heard the Iron Man on the quinjet’s phone, offering them a place to stay and work. Wanda thought the school was a better fit for them than the strange mixture of sarcasm, intelligence, and boyish tenderness that Stark radiated even by video. What an odd man.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch. title/mood inspiration: Madonna's "To Have And Not To Hold"
> 
> Thanks for all your comments! Y'all are the best!


	28. Jump Start My Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything's going so well, Tony thinks
> 
> *I own nothing! Earning our M-rating with the last asterisk'd section, too.

**World’s Okayest Assistant:** Before Tony tells you by accident, I had a little pregnancy scare. Very minor. But we are not pregnant.

 **Agent Gelato:** We’re not? But you thought we might be?

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** There was a flaw in the condom design. They’re only 50% effective.

 **Agent Gelato:** Oh.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** But I’m not pregnant.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Tony’s throwing a booze-filled shindig to celebrate you guys getting back, too.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** You’re not saying anything.

 **Agent Gelato:** Did Tony make those condoms flawed so he could call himself The Godfather?

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** He does want a Tony Rumlow pretty badly.

 **Agent Gelato:** What about you? You want a Tony Rumlow?

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** I sort of thought we should both want a Tony Rumlow before we got one.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Or Antonia Rumlow. I wouldn’t mind either.

 **Agent Gelato:** We have to come up for a different name for a girl. I’m not having my daughter share a name with Scott’s favorite ant.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** That’s Ant-tonia. Extra t.

 **Agent Gelato:** That ant is a damn menace. She stole half my lunch once.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Hard agree. She got my Reese’s and almost stole a bunch of Other Steve’s artifacts from the Sanctum.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Tony says he will also accept Pepper Rumlow or Maria Rumlow for an eventual daughter.

 **Agent Gelato:** Maria?

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** His mom.

 **Agent Gelato:** I like it. Good solid Italian name.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** I told him and he suggested we think about Madonna as a middle name, since you’re Italian. He thinks our kid could pull it off.

 **Agent Gelato:** Jesus.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Also, a real surprise for you.

 **Agent Gelato:** Fun surprise?

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** I think so.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Just not a baby.

 

***

Thankfully, everyone was okay. Tony threw a little party to celebrate, complete with oceans of booze. He called it the “Three Sheets To The Wind” party. Pepper, Scott, and the Wombats came from California; May and Peter came from the city (Darcy made sure to circulate a memo forbidding anyone from giving the underaged alcohol or drugs). The California contingent made a stop in Iowa to pick up all the Bartons. Stephen portaled in from Bleeker Street that afternoon--to her delight--accompanied by the smoky odor of sparklers.

“Whoa,” Peter said. “That’s cool, man.”

“Bingo Little at your service,” Stephen said solemnly, bowed elegantly, and then snuck off to the drinks table with a secret grin that only Darcy caught.

“Is his name really Bingo?” May asked curiously. “That’s a really fancy cloak.”

She thought everyone but Thor had arrived when another aircraft landed.

“Who’s that?” Peter asked, looking up from where he’d been helping Darcy with tying paper lanterns to trees on the lawn. They both loved party prep and the planners Tony hired had skipped on the twinkle factor, in Darcy’s opinion. Darcy peered at the plane.

“It’s Agent iPod Thief! Jane, Phil’s here,” Darcy said.

Phil had brought his team of computer hackers and supersecret SHIELD agents. Maria Hill had sent him an invite as a surprise. Darcy gave him a big hug.

“Dude, you look very dapper, I forgot to tell you after the whole kidnapping deal.”

“I hear you’re not having Rumlow’s baby,” Phil teased.

“Not yet, Agent iPod Thief,” Darcy said. She had been trying not to think too hard about that; when she’d seen the pregnancy test, she felt like Rumlow’s pain-pleasure ratio. She was 55% relieved and 45% sad. It was weird. She’d had a mental image of Brock carrying a little him around on his shoulders in an Iron Man jersey. Or a her in an Iron Man jersey. Total self-rescuing princess baby.

 

***

It turned into a rager. There were people literally passed out on the lawn. Darcy thought parties like this only happened in the movies. This time, even the normally abstemious Bruce got a little sloshed. When Thor touched down with a crack of lightning, Wolverine was waltzing with Janey on the lawn. Apparently, he’d been a real turn of the century ballroom dance enthusiast. In her head, Darcy heard Steve talking about Tina Sparkle and moxie. She pushed away that bubble of sadness--doubtless alcohol-fueled, she thought--and let Brock sneak her off to make out under a canopy of lanterns. The lights were swaying in the breeze when he whispered in her ear.

  
“You want a baby? We’ll have a baby. I’d love to have a baby with you, sweetheart,” he said.

“Let’s give it time. I might like to have you to myself some, find out more about this leaving the socks on the floor thing,” she said. “I’m enjoying this.” He leaned in close and sucked her bottom lip.

“I’m good to practice, too,” he said a little later. “I could practice with you for a long time. But I’d be the father of your children whenever you wanted me to.”

 

It was a fun night. Darcy saved her photos of Phil doing a striptease--he could really swing a tie like a lasso--for a future occasion. But her favorite were the photos of Wolverine lifting Jane like Baby in _Dirty Dancing._ She was fairly sure that Clint had given him that idea after she and Nat had done it.

The only people missing were Nat, Steve, and Sam. Tony had tried to get them to come, but Nat had said she was too busy with the conference. Steve had refused to answer his calls; Sam told Tony that, no, Steve still wasn't interested in working on the Sokovia Accords.

 

***

 

They were laying side by side in the dark that night. Brock kneaded Darcy’s lower back with his gloved hands and could feel her wiggle in response.

“Oh, that feels good. I can’t believe you got Strucker, the Scepter, and saved those kids,” she told him. “I should be doing this to you.”

“Nah, I don’t carry all my stress in my lower back like some people,” he said. Just feeling her relax under his hands was pleasant to him.

“Phil was talking about naming you secret SHIELD agent of the year,” she said.

“Phil was very drunk. Besides, I had help. Without Logan, I’m not sure the Maximoffs would have gone willingly. He was the point man there. I’ve got too much of Tony in my head,” he said, laughing. “I can’t believe those condoms were only 50% effective. I had plans for those.”

They mocked him from the nightstand. He was quiet for a minute. She rolled over to face him.

“Let me see them,” she said. After he’d handed them over, she looked at him closely. “Did they actually work to block pain? Tell me the truth,”  she asked.

“Yeah, he said, swallowing, “they worked. About 90% percent normal sensation. Everywhere else still hurt, but they worked.”

He realized she had a look.

“Okay, then,” she said, tearing away one of the packets and crawling under the sheets.

“No, sweetheart,” he said, trying to talk her out of it as she gently slid his boxers off and put the condom on. “We don’t have to. I can wait, really. It’s not worth the pregnan--oh God,” he moaned.

 

“That feel good?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he said. “Really good.” Her mouth felt amazing.

“Zero pregnancy risk, commander,” she said from under the sheet.

“Yes, ma’am,” he said. He closed his eyes and could almost pretend he was normal again. He stroked the back of her head and thought he might actually be at 93%.

 

  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch. title/mood inspiration: Madonna's "Body Shop" for Brock & Darcy; "Illuminati" for Tony's party.
> 
> *thanks for all your kind comments!


	29. Made to Bleed and Heal and Scab And Bleed Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day after a really good rager.
> 
> * I own nothing!

In the morning, a quinjet touched down on the lawn and Dr. Helen Cho emerged. She looked around at the hallmarks of a really good time, still passed out in the grass. “Oh my God,” she said to her team. “We’ve landed in _Animal House._ I work for Tony Stark and we’ve landed in a frat party.”

***

 **Red-Headed Woman:** Steve, I think you need to tell Tony. After the conference is over, I would like you to go home and discuss this with him.

 **Red-Headed Woman:** I think it will be possible to work through this in a reasonable fashion.

 **Kid from Brooklyn:** Are you going to tell him?

 **Red-Headed Woman:** It is not my secret to tell. I do not think you should show him the surveillance footage, however. Some things cannot be unseen. I would advise that you destroy the video and give him the remaining information.

 **Red-Headed Woman:** We can prepare him to accept the Winter Soldier’s brainwashing, but I do not think he is ready to see it.

 **Kid from Brooklyn:**  I'll consider it. I don't think I can carry this much longer, Nat. I'm so tired.

 **Wing Over:** I'll be there with you, man. Always on your right.

  

***  
 

In Vienna, a bomb exploded in the room where Natasha Romanoff and King T’Chaka stood. Moments before, they had spoken of Captain America and the Accords; T’Chaka had given a speech regretting the use of vibranium in worldwide violence. The king did not rise again. T’Challa grieved that he had not been fast enough to save his father. When the authorities reviewed the security footage, the new King of Wakanda saw the face of the Winter Soldier.

T’Challa and Natasha stood on a sidewalk together, watching the traffic pass. When the Widow reminded him that a task force was assigned to arrest Barnes, he spoke seriously: “Don’t bother, Ms. Romanoff, I’ll kill him myself.”

 

Steve met his old neighbor--he’d been shocked to find that Sharon Carter was Peggy’s great-niece, but that seemed oddly long ago--in a nearby bar. She had a file for him. He and Sam were going to find Bucky themselves. Steve couldn't go home now.

  


***

Helen freaked out when she discovered her newest patient was actually Crossbones, infamous mercenary. Tony had sent the files under a pseudonym. But Phil Coulson and Maria Hill--both miserably hungover--vouched for him. So did Thor. He charmed her so effortlessly that they were prepping the Cradle in under an hour.

 

Darcy waited by his side.

“You don’t have to stay,” he said nervously.

“Bullshit,” she said. “I’m staying. Let me hold your wedding ring for you.” He gave it to her gently.

“Take care of it, it means a lot to me,” he said softly.

“I asked Tony to make us new ones,” she said. “While you were gone.”

“You want to be my wife again? Even if this doesn’t work?” he said, looking at her intently.

“Yes,” she said. “I wanted you to know now. That’s the surprise.”

“Sweetheart,” he began, but she stopped him.

“I’m all in,” she said. “You don’t have a choice, Agent Gelato.You’re stuck with me, no matter what happens,” she joked. Turning more serious, she said, “I’m bossy and flaky and I watch too much television. I’ll never eat enough protein and I have no visible ab muscles. I come with Jane and Thor and whatever half-Asgardian minions they eventually have. Probably Tony, too. I’ll freak out if you go radio silent on me and I never follow directions or read the instructions. I buy craft supplies and never finish the projects. I owe too much in student loans. You’ve seen my kitchen organization skills. That’s what you’re signing up for. That’s the real me. The one who wants to be married to you again. Also, you make me crazy. I do things I’d never do because of you. A solid percentage of me wanted that pregnancy test to be positive, only I was scared you’d be unhappy.”

 

It stunned her when he started to cry. "When are the rings going to be ready?" he asked finally.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch. title/mood inspiration: Ani DiFranco's "Buildings And Bridges"
> 
> *Thanks for all your kind comments and feedback! Y'all are the best!


	30. I Walk The Floor and Watch The Door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In upstate New York, things come together....
> 
> *I own nothing.

The Cradle was an enclosed box. It looked oddly like a coffin. Darcy swallowed nervously. “Please tell me nothing will go wrong?” she asked Helen Cho.

“We may be able to regenerate his nerves successfully and some of his cutaneous tissue as well. I can’t guarantee that it will reverse all the damage and scarring, but I have hopes,” Dr. Cho said. “He is an excellent test case.”

Jane squeezed Darcy’s shoulder. “It’ll be okay, Darce.”

“We’ve got him prepped now,” Helen announced.

  
Brock gave her a serious look as they loaded him--mostly naked and freshly scrubbed of potential contaminants--into the box. “Love you, sweetheart,” he said.

“I love you, too,” she said. “No matter what.”

“Even if I lose my pretty scars?” he asked.

“I might miss them a little,” Darcy said. She kissed him softly on the forehead.

 

After a moment, Helen Cho cleared her throat and escorted her out of the lab. All Darcy could do was wait. She paced the hallway with Jane. Thor watched from one wall; Tony had been too anxious to come and Darcy had vetoed a large crowd, on the grounds that it might make her cry more to see all the worried faces watching her. Let everyone recover from the night before.

 

It seemed to take forever. Finally, Helen came to get Darcy. She felt like she couldn’t breathe.

 

He was sitting up in the box.

 

“I don’t feel pain,” Brock said, beaming at Darcy. He touched the side of his head, laughing. “It fixed my ear.” The Cradle had regenerated the cartilage that had been burned away in DC. He looked down at his hands and arms.

“It seems to have helped your skin as well,” Helen said.

“You can barely see the scarring,” he said, mesmerized. The heavy red lines had faded to soft white. His skin was mostly smooth now. Except for faint web of scars around his forehead, his face looked like it had the day Darcy had met him in New York.

She burst into tears.

“Don’t be sad, Darcy Lewis, I’m sure I’m still pretty without all my scars,” he teased, as held her close and she sobbed.

***

Tony came to find them once Jarvis had told him it was okay. He was holding something in his hand. He looked a little shy. “So, the rings arrived. I had them made according to everything you wanted Itty Bitty, but I made one modification,” he said.

She'd asked for two matching replicas of old bands--posy rings--with an intricate pattern on the outside that reminded her of his scars. The insides were inscribed with one of Brock's favorite phrases from Dante: _l’amor che move il sole e l’altre stelle._  

“I hope you don’t mind,” he said nervously.

“What is it, Tony?” she said, smiling at him. Nothing could upset her right now, she thought, as she ran her fingers through Brock’s hair. He had an arm firmly around her. It felt wonderful.

Tony paused for a second.

“The stones in your ring came from some jewelry of my mother’s,” he said. “I already had it in the vault. That’s okay, right?”

“Oh, Tony,” she said, starting to cry as she stepped forward and hugged him. “I love you.” He'd put small glittering stones in the centers of the flowers in her ring.

“Maybe don’t tell Pepper,” Tony said jokingly. “She might want one, too.”

“Isn’t it about time?” Brock asked him quietly. “Don’t let it slip away, Tony.” They gave each other a long look.

 

***

The private post-Cradle celebration in Darcy's bedroom was interrupted by Jarvis: “Mr. Rumlow, Miss Lewis, I’m afraid there has been a situation in Europe. Sgt. Barnes appears to have murdered the King of Wakanda. Sir is assembling a response team to meet in twenty minutes, but the Accords are in some jeopardy of being radically revised and Sgt. Barnes apprehended by unfriendly forces.”

“Well, shit,” Brock said. They weren’t quite sure if Brock counted as an enhanced person, but Darcy was nervous about it. So far, no one had picked up on Crossbones and Brock Rumlow being the same person. At least, no one who would cooperate with any authorities.

“If it’s not one thing, it’s some sort of international incident with a murderbot,” Darcy said, trying to roll off Brock. He didn’t remove his hands from around her waist.

“Message received, Jarvis,” he said, grinning. “My privacy protocols, please.”

“Yes, Mr. Rumlow,” the AI said. The lights dimmed.

“We’ve got a ten minute window, sweetheart,” he said. “I programmed it special before I went into the box.”

 

***

Tony wanted to go help Steve fix whatever was going on with Barnes. They were planning in the living room. “We can bring him in safely for Steve,” Tony said, “everyone can go.”

“Oh, I’ll go,” Peter said, “I’ve never been to Europe!”

 

Darcy, Jane, and Pepper aggressively vetoed taking Spidey anywhere near the friggin’ Winter Soldier. Darcy and Brock were in perfect agreement about kids being kids. They’d talked about the Maximoffs and Peter when they’d had that party discussion about little future Maria Natasha Priscilla Rumlow--no Madonna, Brock had decided. Two middle names would give her plenty to choose from. 

“He’s too young, Stark,” Brock said. “Let him be a kid and work on his skills for a little while.”

“I agree,” Bruce said softly. “I would go, but I’d hate to kill Steve’s best friend....”

“I’m not sure the Other Guy and a deadly Soviet murderbot are the most peaceful combination. It wouldn’t be your fault, though, Bruce,” Jane said reassuringly.

 

The rest of the usual team was in sad shape. Clint, Dr. Steve, and Scott were still too hungover to see or walk, so Tony--hangover impervious at this point--was going to jump on a quinjet with only Rhodey for backup. Once the wild bunch had recovered, Dr. Strange could portal them to Tony directly.

Who knew how fast things would develop, though, Darcy thought anxiously. She and Steve had talked about how lethal Bucky was back in Iowa. He cut through people like a river. A river of blood. The photos in that file Nat had given Steve were terrifying. She repressed a shudder.

Pepper told Tony not to do anything stupid. Then she and Rhodey smiled at each other. At the last moment, Brock looked at Darcy.

“I should go with him,” he said. “I owe him our future, sweetheart. He’s short-handed.”

“Not lettin’ you go alone, either,” Logan said. The rest of Brock’s crew had already left for Key West to continue the party on Monroe’s boat. Monroe was planning on having Wanda and Pietro for the summer.

“I would like to see the Winter Soldier in combat,” Thor said cheerfully. “Mjolnir wishes it also.”

 

***

 

“This again,” Darcy said to Jane as they watched them all leave. She twisted her new ring on her finger. Brock had given her a smoldering look as he departed, matching ring firmly on his own hand.

“We were having such a good time,” Jane said. “I wanted Logan to Baby-lift me again, too.”

Clint stumbled a little as they walked back inside. “I can’t wait until you have to explain to Captain America that your ass was too drunk to help,” Laura teased.

“It ain’t like it’s only me,” Clint whined. Scott abruptly left the room and Darcy could hear him retching in the bathroom. She looked at Dr. Steve. He looked back at her with an expression that was distinctly sad otter.

“Your shirt is actually creased,” she said in wonder. “Oh, Bingo Little, the public shame.”

“I am afraid I am not myself,” he whispered. “I do apologize.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch. title/mood inspiration: Peggy Lee's "Black Coffee" since this is a chapter about waiting.
> 
> *Posy rings are really nifty. What Brock and Darcy's set sorta looks like: https://www.crystalrealm.com/14k-rose-gold-poesy-rings/faithful-to-one-traditional-english-poesy-ring-14k-rose-gold/
> 
> Had the story turned out differently, I could see Steve giving her one of the Gaelic ones or a Celtic love knot ring from this shop, too. Missed opportunities and all that (wistful pang). One of the Celtic Shield bands? Oooh, the FEELS.
> 
> Darcy sees Brock's (now pale and faint) scars as being like an arabesque pattern: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arabesque
> 
> Thanks for all your lovely comments!


	31. Trying In My Way To Be Free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Berlin, things fall apart.....
> 
> *I own nothing
> 
> (Ch. update 1 of 2 for 6/13)

As they were preparing for the manhunt at the Joint Counter Terrorist Centre headquarters, a raven landed on a windowsill and tapped the glass. It almost looked impatient. One of the agents shrieked. Thor’s smile fell and he sighed.

  
“My father sends a summons from Asgard by raven,” he said. “It is a matter of urgency. I must depart. I will not be able to attend the glorious battle with you. I am grieved, Tony.”

“It’s okay, Point Break,” Tony said. “I’ll tell Jane.”

 

“Sounds like someone got called to the principal’s office,” Logan said, as Thor went by Mjolnir from the roof.

“I wonder if he ignored them, would Odin just send more?” Brock said aloud. “Like that movie  _ The Birds _ ? We watched it the other night.”

“That’s creepy,” Rhodey said. He could imagine Odin sending a lot of impatient, too-knowing ravens. He’d hated that movie as a kid.

“You and the wife watch too much television,” Logan said, grinning.

  
  


***

**Master of the Universe:** We’re looking for them now. Thor had to go. Got a raven from Odin.

**Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard:** He always sends ravens at the worst times.

**Agent Buff Arms:** If you really need help, man...

**Red-Headed Woman:** I am in town.

**Agent Buff Arms:** Good.

**Red-Headed Woman:** How many times have you vomited?

**World’s Okayest Assistant:** Five times.

**World’s Okayest Assistant:** Also, I’m going to apologize in advance: really sorry about your ficus, Tony. I know you loved it.

**Master of the Universe:** Who puked in my ficus? My therapist gave me that. Pepper says it warms up my room.

**Red-Headed Woman:** I bet it was Luis.

**Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: ** You just hate him, Nat.

**Master of the Universe:** Why was Luis in my room?

**World’s Okayest Assistant:** It wasn’t Luis.

**One Time Baskin-Robbins Employee of the Month:** Who was it?

**The Adorable Spiderboy:** It was that Bingo Little dude. 

**Master of the Universe:** Who the hell is Bingo Little?

**World’s Okayest Assistant:** Remember what we talked about, Petey.

 

***

**Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: ** What did you talk about?

**The Adorable Spiderboy:** She and the Wombats taught me some cool new prison terms!

**World’s Okayest Assistant:** He knows snitches get stitches now.

**The Adorable Spiderboy:** I know what a lick is, too!

**Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard:** A lick?

**World’s Okayest Assistant:** Apparently, it’s when you get a lot of money at once? Typically by pretending you want to buy drugs from someone, but you rob them instead of paying?

**World’s Okayest Assistant:** Luis taught him that word, I only knew the snitching one.

**The Adorable Spiderboy:** Don’t tell May. She really likes Scott.

 

***

 

They caught the three of them--as well as the King of Wakanda--near a European underpass. There had been a fight in traffic. Tony and Rhodey were in their suits; Logan and Brock arrived in an armored vehicle, along with a phalanx of SWAT teams.

 

“Well, hells bells, it’s Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes,” Logan said, as he stepped out with a long Chitauri rifle. No one had told him who the Winter Soldier was. Or they had and he’d been busy daydreaming about unbuttoning Jane’s flannels.

“You know them?” Sam asked. Between the cat guy and Mr. Muttonchop, Sam was having a helluva day.

“We met during the war,” Steve said. “I didn’t know you knew Tony, Logan.”

“I don’t,” he said wryly, “I’m a friend of the groom.” He shifted his head slightly. Behind him, Brock Rumlow stepped out with his own gun, looking remarkably well. Steve noticed the ring with a pang.

“Cap,” he said. “Winter Soldier, Sam, and you.” He raised an eyebrow at the man in the cat suit. 

“Mr. Pussycat?” Logan offered.

“Oh, that’s good,” Tony said. “Keep going.”

“Looks like vibranium on the suit, Logan. I wouldn’t tease kitty. He’s got real claws,” Brock said. 

“It’s nice that we’re having this little reunion,” Rhodey said, “but c’mon, let’s get you all loaded in before the news cameras get here. Tony, we’re trying to avoid an international incident, remember?”

“But Wolverine is fun,” Tony said, pouting. Logan chuckled.

 

Bucky thought Brock looked vaguely familiar; he wasn’t as rough as Bucky expected when they loaded him into the van. He went with Bucky as they locked him in his new cell. 

“He didn’t kill anybody,” Steve said. “He’s being framed.”

“Yeah? They’ve got somebody coming from the UN to ask him some questions, but we’ll get this sorted afterwards,” Brock said to Steve as they stood in Bucky’s new room. They’d taken Cap’s shield and Sam’s wings.

“Why are you pretending to care?” Steve asked, befuddled.

“I’m not being nice to you, Cap. I’m being nice to him. Barnes, just sit tight, all right? Widow’s coming. You,” he said to Steve, “need to go help Tony with this Accords bullshit. This has been a setback. Pepper and her team are coming to help. They think they can get to the bottom of this.”

  
***

 

Sharon Carter walked past Wolverine carrying Steve and Sam’s gear. He was leaning against a conference table. “Hey, baby,” he called out, “you got a daddy?”

“Fuck off, sexist pig,” she said coolly. “Also, no smoking here.”

“I’m just striking out everywhere,” he said to Rhodey, shifting his cigar.

“You might want to work on your pickup lines,” Rhodey said.

“Plus, I think she has a thing for Cap,” Tony said. He was nervously tapping a box with a very historically significant pen when Steve walked back into the room.

 

“All right, Logan,” Brock called from behind him. “Pepper’s here for Tony and the politics stuff. We’re leaving.” As they passed Sharon, Logan winked at her. She rolled her eyes. 

 

“Cap, why have you been ignoring me?” Tony asked. Steve couldn’t answer. They argued, but neither one could be entirely honest with the other. Tony was too badly hurt by Steve’s rejection to tell his friend that he missed him and Steve didn’t know how to bring up Howard and Maria with Bucky so near. FDR’s pen felt very heavy in his hand. 

 

“I can’t sign this, Tony,” he said finally.

“Cap, we need you--” Tony began, when the power went out.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch. title/mood inspiration: Leonard Cohen's "Bird On Wire"
> 
> Thanks for all your comments and kudos! We are portalling quickly towards the end now.


	32. Don't Know How The River Got So Wide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood. All is riddle, and the key to a riddle is another riddle."-Emerson
> 
> (Ch. update 2 of 2 for 6/13)
> 
> *I own nothing

**Agent Gelato:** Headed home, sweetheart.

 **Agent Gelato:** We think Pepper can work this all out.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Good, I’m glad.

 **Agent Gelato:** I told Carter I’d testify for Barnes, but Cap says he didn’t actually do it.

 **Agent Gelato:** That worries me. If he didn’t, who did?

 

***

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** I think you forgot some toys.

 **Agent Buff Arms:** Oh, man. Was it Lila’s doll? We been looking for that. I was still pretty messed up when we packed. I might have left Strawberry Shortcake in the vents.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** I hope Scott and the Wombats didn’t puke too much on Tony’s plane.

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **I found Lila’s doll! We’ve got her safe and sound.

 **Agent Buff Arms:** Thank God.

 **Agent Buff Arms:** Yeah, whatever’s wrong with Tony’s plane, they did it.

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **We’re so happy for you and Laura, by the way.

 **Agent Buff Arms:** Thanks. We’re gonna call this one Natasha. She’s still mad she couldn’t drink.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** You mean she pinched Wolverine’s ass 100% sober?

 **Agent Buff Arms:** That’s my girl. [high five emoji]

 **Her Serene Highness The Queen of Science! & Asgard: **I love Laura so much.

 **Red-Headed Woman:** He is very lucky she would even consider him as a husband. I am eager to meet my namesake, the little Natasha, soon.

 **Agent Buff Arms:** We’ve still got months and months to go. She’s not even showing yet. It could even be a boy.

 **Red-Headed Woman:** Little Natasha will not betray me like this. It would be unacceptable. I have spoken to her in-utero.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Please tell me you didn’t intimidate a fetus, Nat.

 

***

In the room where they held Bucky, Helmut Zemo was using his little book. Then the power grid went out. Bucky begged for help. A few moments later, the Winter Soldier was back. He didn’t remember Natasha at all. He was a man on the run. The Black Panther followed behind him. So did Steve and Sam.

Brock and Logan were already departing on Pepper’s quinjet and missed their chance to help Tony or Barnes again. Brock would feel guilty about that for a long time. 

A knock on the head reversed Bucky’s brainwashing and Steve breathed a sigh of relief. He tensed again when Bucky told Steve and Sam about the other Soviet soldiers. They needed to get to Siberia before Zemo. Steve knew Tony would try to stop them, so they’d need to be fast.

  
***

 

Steve picked up his gear from Sharon Carter along the highway. Sam and Bucky watched from the car as Steve gave Sharon an awkward kiss.

“What the hell was that?” Bucky asked. “I’ve kissed people more warmly than that at a funeral.”

“Yeah, and I bet you’d put somebody in the casket, too,” Sam replied.

“To be honest…” Bucky shrugged, “I can’t remember. But she don’t seem like his type. The Punk always liked brunettes.”

“Oh, there’s a brunette. It’s a whole soap opera. Or a fan fiction. She’s with that guy you recognized with Stark. Brock Rumlow. They were married and then he turned out to be Hydra, so she and Steve dated, but it turns out he wasn’t Hydra, he was a double agent and a building fell on him, he was burned, now he’s not, it’s a whole thing,” Sam said, shaking his head. “I may have been involved in the building thing.”

“That’s why he ain’t too fond of ya?” Bucky asked. He’d caught Brock looking at Sam once.

“Uh-huh,” Sam said.

“Brock Rumlow? That’s a real name?” Bucky asked.

“Yeah, _Buck_ , it is,” Sam teased.

 

***

Darcy, Jane, and Bruce were working in the lab when they got a distress call from Pepper Potts. She was still in Berlin. She’d headed there after they arrested Barnes. They’d all thought Tony needed her. 

 

“Rhodey’s hurt,” Pepper said. “There was a fight at the airport between Tony and Rhodey and Steve and Barnes. Barnes was trying to escape to Russia and Tony was trying to stop him.” She sounded hysterical. Darcy had never heard Pepper Potts sound upset. It was terrifying. “An accident. It looks like Rhodey’s suit lost power, he fell, and might be paralyzed. Tony’s gone to Siberia alone. He’s following them.”

“Oh my God,” Jane said. “Is he going to fight them alone?”

“I don’t know,” Pepper said. “He left a message about someone called Zemo. I can’t find Natasha or T’Challa.”

 

***

Helmut Zemo was waiting for the three men in Siberia. He didn’t unleash what they expected however; his violence was much more dear. A thousand super soldiers could not have inflicted a comparable pain on Tony Stark. Like Death’s kiss, this was more intimate and personal.

 

When Tony saw the footage of Howard and Maria, he looked at Steve, stunned.

“Did you know?” he asked.

“I--I--” Steve began.

“Don’t bullshit me, Rogers, did you know?”

“Yes,” Steve said.

Steve thought he’d heard the worst of his life now. He was wrong. The worst sounds of his life were Tony Stark’s anguished cry that Bucky had killed his mother and the tearing of metal as Tony ripped Bucky’s metal arm off.

  
***

Zemo had already slipped out into the snow. He was stopped from his suicide by the Black Panther. “Vengeance has consumed you. It's consuming them. I am done letting it consume me. Justice will come soon enough,” T’Challa said to him.

He’d murdered a king in the beginning; now a king stopped him from murdering himself at the end. If Zemo found that ironic, he did not say.

Col. James Rhodes might have told the Sokovian that “all life was a riddle and the key to a riddle is another riddle.” It was one of Rhodey’s favorite lines. But he was too injured to quote Emerson. In a faraway hospital bed, his monitors beeped. He’d come much nearer to death than Zemo. At that precise moment, his best friend was very near death, too.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch. title/mood inspiration: Leonard Cohen's "Tower of Song"
> 
> Thanks for all your comments and support!


	33. No Such Person, No Such Zone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ever wonder who rescued Tony?
> 
> (ch. update 1 of 2 for 6/14)
> 
> *I own nothing

Because Thor was off-world in Asgard dealing with an Odin situation, Brock and Logan were the ones who took a quinjet to Siberia. Brock thought there might be a fight when they got there. Instead, they found Tony in the snow with a damaged arc reactor. Next to him was Cap’s shield. Thankfully, he was alive.

“It looks like they left him for dead,” Logan said quietly, once the on board medical team had started working on Tony. They’d bundled him into a portable version of Helen’s machine. She was busy giving out orders about hypothermia and his heart.

“Yeah,” Brock said, “it certainly does.” He’d seen the marks from another plane in the snow. Tony was no threat to Captain America and the Winter Soldier in a wrecked suit. If they’d wanted to save Tony, they could have locked him a plane bay and then dumped him in a nearby hospital. But they’d gone instead. He’d been alone with a damaged arc reactor in Siberia.

 

When Brock--gently, hesitantly--told Darcy how they’d found him in the snow, she wept.

When Tony woke up and told her--still stunned and disbelieving--about Steve concealing the murders of Howard and Maria, she wept and raged. Jane held her as she shook and cried.

“I can’t believe he did all that, Janey, I can’t,” she said, shaking, “it’s monstrous.”

It took weeks for Darcy to sleep without nightmares of Steve walking away as Tony froze to death or of him walking away as Howard and Maria were murdered. Brock held her in his arms and rocked her when the worst of them made her wake up. She finally got to talk to that SHIELD therapist, but it was about something that shocked her even more than that day Triskelion fell and Tony had found her clutching Priscilla and crying by a highway.

 

***

Somewhere in Wakanda, Bucky Barnes--minus the arm that Tony had ripped away in his rage and grief--was preparing to go into cryofreeze. He and Steve were the special guests of King T’Challa.

 

“If they find out he’s here, they’ll come for him,” Steve said later, as they looked out a window.

“Let them try,” T’Challa said. The statue of the panther glowed in the sunlight.

***  


Steve’s exile in Wakanda was a very lonely one. He would often sit with Bucky’s cryo tank. Other afternoons, he sketched the green Wakandan landscape and listened to Billie Holiday. Sharon Carter offered to meet him in one of their strange, stilted phone conversations, but he gently rebuffed her.

It wasn’t Sharon Carter that he wanted.

He was deeply relieved when the Wakandan scientists--a team of genius women scientists led by T’Challa’s mother and sister--discovered the keys to Bucky’s brainwashing. His friend was able to leave the tank and talk about the Brooklyn Dodgers with him again. Steve sighed with relief. Bucky proceeded to flirt with every Wakanda woman between the ages of eighteen and eighty and was soon much more popular than the silent and often withdrawn Steve. The Wakandan dowager queen considered Steve a strange puzzle. One day she spoke to her son.

 

“Why does that colonizer skulk so silently when his companion is so cheerful and agreeable?” she asked. “He has both his arms and has been through less.”

“I believe it to be a matter of a woman,” the young king said. “She is now betrothed to someone else, according to Ms. Romanoff.” The Widow was a regular guest now.

“Men are very foolish,” the dowager queen said. “Whoever she is, there is no doubt that a Wakandan woman would be more intelligent and gifted.”

Bucky held to this sentiment; he was infatuated with fully three-fourths of the Dora Milaje. He made them carved wooden tokens of affection with his metal arm. They paid him no mind. This only seemed to increase his admiration for them. It was one of the few things that could still make Steve laugh.

 

***

Two packages came on an afternoon when they were all watching Rhodey do his physical therapy with the new exoskeleton. Darcy recognized Steve’s handwriting on her envelope immediately. She opened it in her bedroom.

 

_Dearest Cushla Machree,_

_I am writing you this letter from a safe place. I wanted you to know how sorry I am for all that happened between us. Tony, too. I don’t think he and I will ever see eye to eye about these Accords and it was a mistake for me to hide the truth about his parents from him. I only wanted to protect Tony and Bucky. I’m sorry I hurt him. I couldn’t mislead you, either. That’s why I never came back. Wasn’t for lack of love for you. The little time we had together was my happiest time out of the ice. All my happiness, really._

 

_If you ever need me, I’ll be there._

_Love, Steve_

 

Inside the envelope was a phone, a necklace, and her painting of the Wonder Wheel.

 

***

“He called me, you know,” Clint said to her when she told him about the packages over the phone, “Scott, too. He wanted us to help him and Sam and Bucky escape. Scott was in-route to California, so he missed the call. I just happened to be up with the kids because Laura had bad morning sickness that day. I wasn’t about to leave my pregnant wife to fight over those damn accords at the airport.”

When Darcy heard that Steve had tried to drag Scott and Clint--two fathers with young children--into his little civil war with Tony and risked them going to prison for violating the pending accords, too, she knew she couldn’t yet forgive him for all he’d done, even as a friend. She resealed it all and sent the package back marked “Return to Sender.”   


“You okay?” Brock asked, when they were in bed later, after she told him what Clint said.

“I am. I’m furious, but okay. I hope Tony will be, too,” she said. Brock put his arm around her.

“Just try and remember the hell Barnes went through, sweetheart,” he said softly. “I’d give up the whole world to save you from that.”

“Stop being so damned reasonable, I really want to throw a hissy fit about this,” she told him. “He almost killed Tony and Rhodey and could have landed Clint and Scott in prison. He certainly didn’t stop and get Tony medical attention before he bolted to wherever he is now.”

“I’m sure Jane will help you make a dart board of Captain America’s face for the lab, babe,” he said, chuckling.

 

She and Jane were very tempted, but they didn’t want Rhodey or Tony to see it and get upset.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch. title/mood inspiration: Elvis Presley's "Return to Sender" 
> 
> Thanks for all your kind comments


	34. Maybe I Am Just Speaking For Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor returns
> 
> (ch. update 2 of 2 for 6/14)
> 
> *I own nothing

Things slowly returned to a more normal pace. Darcy and Dr. Strange exchanged letters, Jane waited for Thor, and Tony and Pepper went all bridezilla for Darcy and Brock’s second wedding. It turned out they--Jane had started calling them Pepperony as a joke--were both frustrated wedding planners. Tony kept sending her ideas that he read about in profiles of billionaires’ weddings. She had to remind him that, no, she didn’t want to destroy a fragile ecosystem for some sort of destination wedding.

***

 

 **Agent Gelato:** Sweetheart, why is Tony sending me articles about a Game of Thrones-themed wedding?

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Oh God. Some rich guy he knows got in trouble for having one in a protected forest. I’ve told him no.

 **Agent Gelato:** I’m a little offended that he thinks I’m the kind of guy who’d be thrilled by a sister-incest tv show wedding?

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** I’m not sure which is worse, that idea, or his 50 Shades of Yuck wedding storyboard? It was interactive. I had to call Pepper.

 **Agent Gelato:** We could have little whips and cuffs as wedding flavors?

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** No, no, no, I cannot lose you to this madness.

 **Agent Gelato:** Just show up in a dress you like, I’ll be happy.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** There’s nothing fancy you really want? Black tie? Steak? A bourbon fountain?

 **Agent Gelato:** Nope.

 **Agent Gelato:** My heart is pierced by Cupid, I disdain all glittering gold.

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Are you quoting pirate songs at me again?

 **Agent Gelato:** That’s a sailor's song, honey.

 

*** 

Jane and Darcy were very relieved when they heard lightning on the lawn and ran out to see Thor arrive. With a great crack, he appeared in front of them.

“My love,” he called to Jane, “I have joyous news! Loki is still alive! He will be staying with us for a time, until my father no longer wants to kill him for usurping the throne during his Odinsleep!” Jane and Darcy stared, open-mouthed. The pale man standing with Thor looked at Darcy down his long nose.

“You are quite tiny, even for a Midgardian,” he said. He studied his fingernails. “And you cannot see as well? However do you survive?” he asked.

Jane prevented Darcy from grabbing his robes as she yelled, “You brainwashing, Spot the Beagle endangering, greasy-haired, almost Phil killer!” Loki raised his eyebrows at her quizzically. Thor secretly found it all very amusing.

 

Jane found it even more funny when Darcy started calling him Prince Snothead. Eventually, Thor had to intervene in the ensuing prank war, but Darcy had the whole facility on her side, save the two Asgardians.

 

***

 

A while later, she realized Tony still had his phone. Tony was a better friend than Steve deserved, she reflected. Darcy wondered what kind of friend Bucky Barnes was. He’d better be a damn good one to justify all the suffering Steve had inflicted on Tony. Inflicted on everyone, really. Rhodey was still learning to walk, Pepper was refusing to leave Tony’s side after Siberia, Tony was still recovering physically, even as he talked Darcy’s ear off about centerpieces. Nobody knew where Sam was and Natasha had gone into hiding until things cooled down. Yet there was Tony, still hanging on to a thread of hope about Captain America. He’d kept the shield, too.

 

All things considered, Bucky Barnes better be a worthwhile motherfucker, Darcy thought. She’d never met him, after all. She had no real desire to now. Also, she had to go wrest control of her wedding back from Tony. She'd seen someone carrying sketches of pirate outfits in the facility.

 

-The End-

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END!
> 
> Ch. title/mood inspiration: Ani DiFranco's "As Is." 
> 
> Brock is quoting "My Jolly Sailor Bold."
> 
> You can find Darcy and Doctor Strange's letters as Ch.2 of "The Golden Age of Detective Fiction"
> 
> I am going to post an epilogue called "The Long Way Home" that takes place a few years later. There will be a canon story and one alternate ending.


	35. Epilogue: You Are My Pearl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Darcy prefers the Norah Jones cover of "Long Way Home," but Tom Waits' original is also good. 
> 
> It's also one of the mood songs and the title inspiration for Ch. 39 in "As Is" when Steve and Darcy meet again on the Barton farm.
> 
> *I own nothing

**Canon Epilogue: You Are My Pearl**

 

“You nervous?” Bucky asked, fidgeting with his Wakandan arm.

“A little,” Steve replied. He hadn’t been in the United States for a few years. He hadn’t seen Tony since Siberia. Hadn’t even contacted anyone but Sam and Nat, save two letters. Bucky and he had been exiles in Wakanda. They had begun rejoining the world by doing relief work in Nigeria with the Wakanda team. Then one day--out of the clear blue--they had been contacted by one of Tony’s lawyers. It turned out he had a plan to get them out of exile. Tony had done an amazing thing for Bucky. Clemency and forgiveness for them both. Steve didn’t know quite how he could ever repay him. Things had gone so horribly wrong.

“I’m scared shitless,” Bucky confessed. “Haven’t been this afraid since at least 1942.” They laughed quietly together.

Steve and Bucky were riding the elevator towards Tony’s office in the facility when the doors opened and Phil Coulson joined them.

“Captain Rogers, Sargent Barnes, it’s good to see you,” he said smiling. He was holding a chubby baby with a bow in her brown hair. Her little onesie said “Self Rescuing Princess of Science!.”

“I didn’t know you had a little girl,” Steve said, beaming. “Can I hold her?” Steve liked kids.

“Oh, no, she’s not mine,” he said, smiling and passing the little girl to him. “She’s the office baby. Pearl. Official Avengers mascot and Tony’s goddaughter. I just get to tote her to Tony sometimes when I swing by and her mom’s busy with Science!.”

“Careful, punk,” Bucky said, “you gotta support her little neck better.”

Bucky had been the one with all the baby sisters; his time in Wakanda had brought back all the memories of rocking a colicky Becky. Steve adjusted his grip and the little girl extended a round little fist and yanked Steve’s thick beard. Bucky laughed. The sound of his voice made Pearl look at him and reach for his metal arm.

“I didn’t know they still named babies Pearl, it’s real pretty,” Bucky said, wiggling his metal fingers. Baby Pearl gurgled cheerfully.

Phil Coulson sighed.

“Her full name is Maria Natasha Jane, however, there was a very bitter dispute about which name would get the privilege of everyday use. A nickname was decided to be the safest course of action,” he said. “Mostly so that Tony and Natasha didn’t kill each other.”

“I remember how upset Nat was when Nathaniel Barton turned out to be a boy,” Steve said, smiling.

“Ah,” Phil said, as Jarvis started to play a song. “Here it is. Tony has Jarvis play the song Pearl’s nicknamed for every day in the afternoons when someone brings her up to see him.” Steve handed the little girl back to him as the elevator doors opened.

“Dr. Foster and Thor must be very happy--,” Steve began, having guessed whose daughter she was, but then he stopped.

“Oh, no,” Phil said, shaking his head. “Jane’s expecting a boy. Tony’s already started calling him Bam-Bam in utero. This is Jane’s little niece. Pearl is Darcy and Brock’s daughter.”

“Bam-Bam?” Bucky asked, confused.

“Cartoon character. Ready to see Uncle Tony?” Phil said the little girl as they stepped out together.

“We’ll let them have a minute, then,” Steve said softly. He kept his expression neutral until Phil vanished around the corner and then he hit the close button on the elevator.

 

 

“Steve? Steve, what’s wrong?” Bucky asked, as Steve leaned against the elevator wall and wept. An eidetic memory could be a gift and a curse. All of a sudden, it was Indian summer in an Iowa field and he and Darcy were dancing to a Norah Jones cover.

“This song, Buck,” he said, his voice breaking, “I used to know a girl who liked that song. That’s her baby. It’s the damnedest thing.”

“Yeah, Punk?” Bucky said, rubbing Steve’s back tenderly. He knew who Steve meant.

“That song is called “Long Way Home,” he said sadly. “Maybe I took too long, Buck. I never did come home.”

 

 

***

 

It took a few minutes for Steve to pull himself together enough to see Tony. All the time Tony talked, he kept looking at little Pearl.

A floor down and thirty feet away, Darcy Rumlow had signed out of video chat with Wanda Maximoff in Florida and was getting the very pregnant Jane Foster a push pop. She knew Steve and Bucky were going to visit Tony, but she hadn’t read his schedule for today. There had been the minor delay when her husband had dragged her back under the covers before he left for work. He was Tony’s security chief now. Home for dinner every night. He even had his white shirt and black tie, just like Paul Newman in his favorite movie.

“Get me two, Bam-Bam wants one!” Jane called out.

“Sure thing, boss lady,” Darcy said. “Oh, no. Loki’s stolen them again.”

“My push pops?” Jane said, getting a little teary. Pregnancy hormones.

“I’ll go out for more,” she said quickly. By happenstance or a strange quirk of fate, she missed Steve and Bucky--led by Tony and Pearl--saying hello to Jane.

 

Steve was talking to Jane when Bucky wandered over to a photograph on the wall. He’d always been curious about the girl who’d stolen Steve’s heart. He half thought Steve might have exaggerated her beauty; he’d never seen a photo of her. Steve had had to leave them all behind when they fled to Wakanda. He'd saved a few special things in a vault, Bucky knew, but had lost his phone.

Bucky was wrong. The bride in the photograph was very beautiful. A brunette with a figure that he’d have whistled over back in Brooklyn. Even surrounded by such a strange wedding party. He recognized the groom from Berlin, his Natalya, Phil Coulson, and Thor and Jane, but there was also a pale man in weird green robes and an antler helmet, another in a top hat and tails, a guy in a Hawaiian shirt, and a fourth dressed as Elvis. He even recognized several costumed superheroes. “Is that...Deadpool?” he asked Tony. Tony wandered over with Pearl, who grabbed at his goatee and then grinned toothlessly at Bucky. Bucky held his arms out and Tony transferred Pearl to him. Bucky liked Pearl and Pearl liked Bucky.

Tony pointed at each figure. “Yeah, that’s Deadpool, Spiderman and his Aunt May, the Ant Man and the Wasp, the Three Wombats appearing as Elvis and his backup band, Loki, Dr. Strange in the top hat--he’s the fancy kind of British, they all dress like it’s your day for weddings--Asgard’s Warriors Three, Rhodey, Bruce, Hawkeye and Co., Phil, Maria, and Nick, Monroe in the Jimmy Buffet shirt, his adopted kids, the Maximoffs--he’s the guy Darcy tased once, other than Thor--my wife Pepper, and, uh, some of the groom’s old scary military buddies,” he said. These last ones were the most normal-looking of the bunch.

“Sounds like a fun wedding,” Bucky said.

“I was the officiant,” Tony told him cheerfully. “She let me wear my suit and I got ordained by an Australian outfit called The First Presleytarian Church of Elvis the Divine.”

 

*** 

Steve was quiet all the way back to Brooklyn. “I think it’s time to take it down, pal,” Bucky said softly. “At a certain point, you gotta stop hoping for a different outcome.” Steve had hung the Wonder Wheel in the apartment Tony had helped them rent when they were still in Wakanda. It was the first thing Steve saw when he woke up everyday.

“Tony offered to let us move in,” Steve said softly. “So you’d have help with your adjustment to regular life, he says.”

“How do you feel about that?” Bucky asked. Truth be told, he wouldn’t mind living at the facility. It would be nice to see Natalya. He thought there might be something there. But he wouldn’t put Steve through that if seeing Darcy Lewis made him crazy.

“I gotta give it some thought, Buck,” Steve said quietly. "But if you want to see Nat?"

"I do," Bucky admitted.

That night, Steve started packing. He would tell Bucky yes in the morning, but first the Wonder Wheel painting was going into a vault. The vault held a few precious things of his mother's, a necklace that spelled out the word happiness in Gaelic, and his original enlistment papers for Project Insight. Phil Coulson had tracked them down for him once. Steve could make another sacrifice if it meant Bucky could be happy with Nat. Someone ought to be happy.

 

***

In the Rumlow apartment at the facility that night, Brock was making risotto. “Jane go into labor yet?” he asked Darcy.

“Nope,” Darcy said, watching Pearl try to crawl across the floor. She’d mastered the general idea of movement, but was stuck in one place. “Look at her little legs go!”

“She’s going to be in all kinds of things soon,” Brock said, beaming. He loved Pearl’s mischief.

“I did hear from Wanda, though. She video chatted me. She and Pietro are always so tan. They want us to bring Pearl to Key West for Christmas with them and Monroe. Pietro works so fast that they upgraded to a bigger charter boat.”

“Tony will pout if we go. I heard Steve and Barnes were here,” he said, smiling. “How’d they seem?”

“I didn’t see them. I was out getting push pops and glitter glue. Prince Snothead is stealing mine again. He swears it’s not him, but he only steals the green and gold glitter,” she said. “Thor lets him get away with murder.”

“Thor lets him get away with it because Loki is infatuated with you, sweetheart,” he said. “He craves your attention.”

“You say that about everyone,” she scoffed. “It can’t always be true. Oh, Jane said Barnes is really charming and looks like he could be the cutest guy in Mumford and Sons and Steve has a beard now and seems older,” she said. “I’m glad Tony could forgive them.”

“You’re not gonna?” he asked, grinning. “I hear you being stubborn, sweetheart.”

“It’s not like either of them are my friends at this point,” she said. “So, I don’t see that it matters to anyone.”

“Maybe not,” her husband said. “Still, Barnes could use friends. You want more onion in this?”

“You know the answer is always yes,” she said. "You think I should be Barnes' friend?"

“Yes. Maybe even Cap's friend. I wish I knew where you put my favorite knife,” he grumbled. “Nothing ever stays in the same place in this kitchen.”

“Call a cop,” she teased. “Mr. Fugitive Merc.”

“Excuse me, I have an official pardon from President Ellis for services to the nation. I maintain that this is a real crime,” he said, pulling at a overstuffed kitchen drawer. “Look, it’s stuck again.”

 

*** 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all your support! It's been a fun ride!
> 
> This epilogue is the canon one; the second, shorter one--a ficlet I've separated out called "Forgive Me, Pretty Baby"--is just a vision of Thor's that never came to pass. An alternative-AU, if you will. Thor was Team Cap this whole time. It’s the last part in this series.

**Author's Note:**

> Another Ani DiFranco song for the title inspiration and overall mood of this one, the beautiful "Both Hands."


End file.
